


black, the night that ends at last

by stormwarnings



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Alternate Universe, Canon-Typical Violence, Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified, Emotions, Except Andrew, Found Family, Multi, Poor Life Decisions, Raven Neil Josten, Slow Burn, Tags Subject to Change, damn guess this is gonna be slow burn guys, drake still exists yall im sorry :/, everyone hugs each other, idk what im doing, nathaniel acts very cold and badass but his mind is actually poetry and softness, so keep that in mind as a general theme, this is an alternate universe in case u didnt see that, warnings upped for slightly graphic torture (more in author's notes)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-06
Updated: 2020-09-18
Packaged: 2021-03-01 22:48:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 19
Words: 73,926
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23514931
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stormwarnings/pseuds/stormwarnings
Summary: in this world, they meet wearing different colors.(or, Nathaniel, Jean, and Kevin take the long road to healing with the Foxes. along the way they find a family, a home, and a lot of surprises.)
Relationships: Katelyn/Aaron Minyard, Kevin Day & Neil Josten & Jean Moreau, Kevin Day/Thea Muldani, Matt Boyd/Danielle "Dan" Wilds, Neil Josten/Andrew Minyard, Nicky Hemmick/Erik Klose, Seth Gordon/Allison Reynolds
Comments: 359
Kudos: 631





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> will preface this by saying im not great at writing, but i love these boys so much. characters could be ooc, im not experienced at writing such as this. in other words, this may become a longer work, but for now this is all ive got.

In this world, they meet wearing different colors.

It is Andrew Minyard’s first year playing goalkeeper for the Palmetto State Foxes, and it is Nathaniel Wesninski’s first year playing backliner for the Edgar Allan Ravens. (Well, it is his first year playing officially. He has been practicing with them for years, but he has never before played a game, never before had his name screamed by fans, never before clacked sticks with Jean as they guard the goal from opponents they don’t know. Nobody needs to know that Nathaniel is not as old as his playing card says he is.)

Kevin, Jean, and Nathaniel watch as, somehow, the Bearcats lose to the Foxes. Three to two. In the first half, Renee Walker, the Foxes’ keeper, lets in two goals. But in the second half, Andrew Minyard trades out for Renee, and the Bearcats do not score another goal. A strange feeling overtakes Nathaniel as he watches.

It is envy. Nathaniel watches Andrew’s movements and realizes something even stranger – Andrew does not care. He shuts down the goal, but he does nothing else. He is so very good, and he has no interest in the game at all. And Nathaniel is envious of that, that Andrew has a choice in caring about this bastard sport, that it does not control whether he lives or dies or keeps his fingers.

But back to the beginning.

In this world, there is a 3 on Nathaniel’s face. There is a 4 on Jean Moreau’s, and a 2 on Kevin Day’s, and a 1 on Riko Moriyama’s. Nathaniel and Jean have been Moriyama property since they were young, and Kevin is nothing more than Riko’s pet. They are members of the Perfect Court, but since the beginning, Riko has always reminded them that he has more power than them. It is the meaning of the tattoos – that they are inferior.

The three of them, Kevin and Nathaniel and Jean, bond more out of necessity than desire. The bond between the three of them is not friendship, but in his most lucid moments, Nathaniel thinks that it is the bond of brothers. Not the fake brotherhood that the press plays up between Riko and Kevin, no, this is a true brotherhood forged in blood. 

Jean gets the brunt of the rage. Riko cannot hurt Kevin too much because he is too far in the public eye. And Nathaniel is not scared of Riko. Riko is a petty boy compared to Nathaniel’s father. But Riko knows he can hurt Kevin and Nathaniel through hurting Jean, and so he does almost every day.

They deal with it in different ways.

Jean shuts down, does his best to forget, bows his head and listens to everything Riko says, speaking back only in hushed French whispers to Kevin and Nathaniel.

Kevin is the perfect athlete in every way except his alcoholism. He focuses on exy, and when he is inevitably found wanting in Riko’s eyes, and when Riko inevitably bruises Jean in response, Kevin drinks until he falls asleep.

Nathaniel, as much as he loves them, cannot stand their weak spines. So when Kevin starts drinking and Jean lays on his bed with empty eyes, he goes to the court and runs laps until his legs burn. He runs, determined that he will get fast enough and light enough that he will be better than Riko – that someday he will be able to get them out of here.

Fast forward.

The same night that the Foxes somehow beat the Bearcats, Riko beats Jean with his own stick. When Nathaniel and Kevin drag him back to their dorm, Nathaniel catalogues the injuries, and then starts stitching up the serious ones. Kevin, as always, begins rambling about exy. It is his way of coping. Thankfully, it starts bringing Jean back to himself.

“Kevin,” Nathaniel says. “Would you please shut the fuck up and hand me the scissors.”

Kevin hands Nathaniel the scissors and does not, in fact, shut the fuck up. Instead, he snaps at Nathaniel. “What was up with you today? You let Thomas past you twice, and he’s not even good.”

Nathaniel retorts, “I would like to remind you that I am the one currently holding a weapon.”

Jean grimaces with pain as Nathaniel bumps a bruise, and says hoarsely, “You would be better if you were taller.”

“Really,” Nathaniel replies. “A short joke? A bad short joke?” Jean gives him half a smile, and Kevin barely pauses his tirade.

Nathaniel finishes, and Jean sits up with a groan. “You are getting too good,” he says to Kevin bluntly, interrupting him mid-sentence.

“What?” Kevin says. “No, definitely not. No,” he says, and his eyes darken as he seems to curl into himself. “I am not allowed to be.”

But Jean’s point is made at their next game. Unfortunately, it is the night before the NCAA Christmas banquet. The Ravens will not walk into the banquet tomorrow having lost, not in their home court. Tetsuji will not allow it.

For the first half of the game, the score is tied. Nathaniel watches Jean out of the corner of his eye, checking his movements for pain. The game is a blur of shouts, the ball bouncing off the plexiglass walls, the black and red of the screaming fans. At halftime, Nathaniel can feel Riko’s anger at the score. The Ravens reemerge with a vengeance in the second half. They will _not_ walk into the banquet tomorrow defeated.

It all comes down to the last minute. Nathaniel takes seven steps, doges a striker, throws the ball to Kevin. Kevin sprints up the court, bounces the ball against the wall, sidesteps, feints, and then performs an impossible shot.

The goal lights up red.

Jean and Nathaniel exchange glances. They have seen Riko try to execute that shot in practice. He has never gotten it.

The play restarts, but it barely begins before the clock runs out. The Ravens file off the court, orderly and composed, as if they have won by a larger margin than one. Up close, Nathaniel can feel the anger radiating off of Riko. He murmurs to Jean in French, “ _This is going to be bad_.”

Jean glances at Riko, barely hiding the cruelty in his eyes, and at Kevin, caught up in how well he played, not realizing he has done anything wrong. Nathaniel watches as Jean’s eyes begin to empty.

But back in the dorms, nothing happens. Nathaniel is on edge, laying awake and waiting for Riko to barge in for Jean. When morning comes and the Ravens must pile into the bus in order to drive to Virginia, Nathaniel is still awake.

On the bus, it is Jean who says, “Kevin is in the back.”

Jean and Nathaniel hurry to the back of the bus. Nathaniel’s smile, the chilling smile that belongs to his father, keeps their teammates away. When Jean and Nathaniel sit down next to him, Kevin looks up at them with tear tracks on his cheeks.

“Kevin?” Jean says hesitantly.

Kevin’s entire body is curled around his left hand. He uncurls slightly and holds it out.

Nathaniel hisses, and Jean flinches. Kevin’s wrist is mangled.

“ _He says I will never play again_ ,” Kevin says, sounding broken. “ _He had to remind me of my position_.”

“ _We are leaving_ ,” Nathaniel says after a minute. “ _We are not staying here any longer_.”

“ _That is not an option_ ,” Jean snaps. “ _He will kill us_.” Kevin makes a noise of pain.

“ _He will kill us anyway_ ,” Nathaniel says. “ _If he will not hesitate to do this to Kevin, who knows what he’ll do to us.”_

Kevin looks like he is going to be sick. Jean’s eyes are beginning to take on the emptiness again. Nathaniel wants to slap both of them. “ _Wymack_ ,” he whispers. _“Kevin, we can go to your father. The Foxes will take us. We don’t have a choice_.”

Then Riko walks down the aisle, and the three of them don’t speak another word for the rest of the bus ride.

The Ravens arrive at the banquet in all black. The boys wear red ties, and the girls have red necklaces. They make a dramatic entrance, which is, of course, exactly what Riko wants. Riko and Kevin lead, Nathaniel and Jean right behind them. Nathaniel prays to a god that he doesn’t believe in that Kevin can hide his pain, or this night will be over before it has even begun. At the table, Jean and Nathaniel play up their public personas to the other teams. Jean, handsome with his dark hair and French accent, gives his heartthrob smile. Nathaniel, with his auburn hair and his ice cold eyes, talks as charismatically as he can.

He makes eye contact with Andrew Minyard across the room. Andrew Minyard, with cornsilk blonde hair and a manic smile. Nathaniel smiles back, the smile that reminds people he is the son of the Butcher of Baltimore. It is an odd exchange, one for which Jean gives him a look of caution, but Nathaniel understands it for what it is. One weapon recognizing another.

A few minutes later, Nathaniel hears, “Might I have this dance?” Of course, it is Andrew.

Riko is otherwise occupied. Jean gives Nathaniel another look, one which Nathaniel ignores in favor of standing up and taking Andrew’s hand.

They begin to spin amongst other dancers. Nathaniel positions them so he can keep an eye on Kevin, laughing at some girl’s joke, and Jean, smiling and getting drinks for somebody. Andrew’s hand is on his waist because apparently, he is leading.

“And where did a monster such as yourself learn to dance so nicely?” Nathaniel asks.

They are both smiling sharply.

“Where did a rabbit such as yourself learn to lie so prettily?” Andrew parries.

Nathaniel acknowledges him with a tilt of his head. “I am not the one carrying knives,” he points out.

Andrew’s smile does not fall. “We who are not ourselves knives must bring our own!”

“So I was a rabbit, but now I am a knife?”

“Certainly you’re sharp enough,” Andrew says, before changing the subject. “Tick, tock, your time is up. Better luck next time, little rabbit.”

Riko arrives to take Nathaniel from Andrew just in time for the music to end. Out of the corner of his eye, Nathaniel sees David Wymack duck out, presumably to the restroom. “I’m going to go take a piss,” Nathaniel tells Riko, laughing when Riko’s lip curls at his language.

In the side hallway, Nathaniel runs straight into Wymack. “Watch where you’re going, boy,” the man says gruffly.

“Wait,” Nathaniel says as Wymack turns to go. “I have something you’d like to hear.”

Wymack gives Nathaniel and his red and black attire a look. “And what would I want to hear from you?”

Nathaniel feels a small amount of remorse for all the secrets he is about to divulge, but not much. “Kevin Day’s left wrist was broken last night by Riko,” he says simply. “Riko does not think he will play again. We need to leave.”

Wymack, to his credit, seems to be taking this all quite well. “Who’s we?” He asks suspiciously.

“Myself, Kevin, and Jean Moreau.” Nathaniel clenches his teeth. “Please. You do not understand the severity of this situation.”

Wymack looks grim. “If Day's wrist is broken, I think I have an idea.”

Nathaniel wants to laugh. “This will be barely the beginning. Take us with you. We will make your team great.” He breathes out, and divulges the last secret. “And if for no other reason, protect us because Kevin is your son.”

Nathaniel has never used the word ‘flabbergasted’ to describe a person before, but that is how Wymack looks. “What?”

“He is your son,” Nathaniel hisses. “And there is a very real chance Riko could kill him.”

Wymack looks like the ground has dropped out from under him, but he says, “Ok. Ok, we’ll do it.”

“ _Tonight_ ,” Nathaniel says.

“Yes,” Wymack replies. “Just, let me go talk to my people.” He walks out of the hall very quickly.

Nathaniel waits a minute or two before rejoining the party. After the quiet of the conversation in the hall, the party feels like a nightmare, everyone laughing disjointedly, the music rising and falling, and Riko spinning in the center of it all like a specter of death.

At the table, Nathaniel crouches between Kevin and Jean, and pulls their heads in, grinning as if he’s about to make a very funny joke. “ _Wymack will get us out, tonight_ ,” he says, then, “ _laugh, you fools. Like I’ve said something hilarious._ ”

Jean laughs deep, and says through clenched teeth, “ _I am going to decapitate you someday_.”

Nathaniel smiles even larger. “ _Oh, you won’t be the one to kill me_.”

Kevin leans in and says, “ _Does he know? About me_?”

“ _Yes_ ,” Nathaniel says.

Kevin’s fear shows through for a minute, before he pulls a smile back on his face.

“Here, try this,” Jean says in English. He shoves a piece of calamari in Nathaniel’s face. The smell of it makes Nathaniel nauseous. Jean says, “Don’t give me that face.” Nathaniel reluctantly tries it, and on his other side, Kevin gets drawn into a dance. When Nathaniel glances up, he realizes it is with Dan Wilds, the captain of the Foxes. She dances him towards Wymack.

“Come with me,” Nathaniel says, and he and Jean stand up. Nathaniel hopes it looks natural. Ravens always travel in pairs.

Nathaniel is hyperaware of where Riko is. He’s cocky tonight, high off the fact that he knows he is number one. He is laughing in the corner with Tetsuji and some Nike representatives. Nathaniel commits the joy on his face to memory. Someday soon, he will make sure that Riko can never feel this kind of joy again.

“ _We cannot do this_ ,” Jean says in an undertone.

Nathaniel pulls him into the side hallway. “ _He is going to kill Kevin_.”

“ _He’ll kill us too, for leaving!_ ”

“ _Jean_ ,” Nathaniel grabs his shoulders. “ _I am not leaving you behind in the hands of that psychopath_.”

“ _Nathaniel, he owns us. He will destroy us_.”

“ _I’m counting on him to try. Trust me, Jean_.” Nathaniel spins and hurries to find a way out. When he does find a door, he slips through it, Jean close behind him.

They walk through the shadows of the night outside, snow falling gently.

“ _There_ ,” Jean says. “ _The Foxes’ bus._ ” They are cutting it very, very close, Nathaniel knows. They almost run to get up the stairs of the Foxes’ bus.

“Hello,” a woman says. It scares the shit out of Nathaniel.

“Who are you?” He asks warily.

“Abby,” she says. “I’m the team doctor.” She holds out a hand. It is such a commonplace gesture, so out of place on this night, that Jean just stares at it.

Nathaniel shakes her hand. “Wymack told you we were coming?”

Abby nods. “Jean and Nathaniel?”

Nathaniel nods, and then barges past Abby when a head pokes up from the chair. It’s Kevin, and he grabs Nathaniel and Jean like they’re his lifeline.

After a minute, Nathaniel untangles himself. “How did his wrist get broken?” Abby asks. "I put the bones back in, but..."

Nathaniel replies, “I do not know. If I were to guess, Riko smashed it with a racket.”

Abby looks sick. She seems about to speak, but then the bus doors open and some of the Foxes start to get on.

Nathaniel sits back down with Jean and Kevin. Kevin is shaking, and Jean is whispering in French. Nathaniel thinks it’s a prayer. He doesn’t pay attention as Wymack talks about the gravity of the situation. He does hear Wymack explain Kevin’s hand – the exclamations of horror from the other athletes are loud. Nathaniel curls closer to Jean and Kevin. It is funny how Nathaniel, a foot shorter and significantly thinner than both of them, is the one protecting them. But when the bus starts moving, Nathaniel breathes a very small sigh of relief. If he can pull this off, perhaps he can bring down Riko, pay him back for the years of abuse. And Kevin will play again. He _has_ to. Nathaniel’s brain refuses to accept a world where Kevin isn’t on the court with him and Jean. Which is also why, he reminds himself, they are here.

Nathaniel listens to Jean’s mumbled prayer and Kevin’s muffled sobs, and hopes that tomorrow they will still be alive.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which the foxes meet the former ravens.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok guys i was kidding myself if i ever said this wouldnt be longer. that being said, i cant promise its good. lot of the structure of this chapter (which is kinda fillerish) came from nora's extra content so yea that goes to her, and again, characters may be ooc well see what happens. enjoy lol

Nathaniel wakes up to his leg gone completely numb. Jean and Kevin are still asleep, curled up, Kevin’s wrist in a cast. Nathaniel looks down.

Ah. They’re both laying on top of his leg.

Nathaniel groans and yanks it out from underneath the two idiots. He checks the clock and blinks at the time. 3:36pm. What the hell?

The events of the previous night come rushing back. He stumbles out of the room and into the kitchen.

Wymack is sitting at the table, drinking a beer and reading a book. Historic fiction. There’s toast sitting in front of him, half-eaten. Nathaniel’s stomach grumbles in response.

“Sleeping beauty awakens,” Wymack says, putting down his book.

“I’m no sleeping beauty,” Nathaniel replies.

“You hungry?” Wymack stands up.

“Not really. A glass of water?” Nathaniel sits carefully at the table and watches Wymack walk around the kitchen. Then he says, “So.”

Wymack stops, leans against the counter, and looks at him. “So.”

They look each other in the eyes. Nathaniel is not afraid of him. He is wary, but he has always been wary of anyone other than Kevin or Jean. Wymack is the first to break eye contact, taking a glass from the cupboard and filling it with tap water. He plops it down in front of Nathaniel and then sits back in his chair.

Nathaniel sips his water. “Are we here to stay?”

Wymack sighs heavily and takes a swig from his beer. “Kid, if what you’re telling me is true, that dark-haired menace in the next room over is my biological son.”

“He is,” Nathaniel interrupts. “There’s a letter.”

Wymack continues, “And I can’t deny the damn kids on my team anything, and they’re not even my own blood and bone.”

“So we can stay.” Nathaniel wants to make sure they’re very clear on this.

“Yes, you can stay. But there’s a lot of things that’ll need to get worked out.”

Nathaniel understands this. Life can never be easy, after all.

Wymack sighs. He seems to do that a lot. “Why’re they still asleep?”

Nathaniel says, “The Nest runs on a different schedule than the rest of the world. We have sixteen hour days. Adapting to that will…probably take some time.”

Wymack shakes his head. “Jesus Christ.” He finishes his beer.

“Has there been anything about us anywhere?” Nathaniel asks.

“No. Nothing, from anywhere.” Wymack rubs his face tiredly. “You’d think that someone would notice three kids just vanishing.”

“You would be surprised,” Nathaniel says. “The Ravens do not operate the same as everyone else.”

“Yeah,” Wymack replies dryly. “So I’ve noticed. Want to elaborate a little?”

“On which part,” Nathaniel asks warily.

“Everything.”

Nathaniel wishes for the safety of a web of a lies, but he knows, here and now, the truth will save them better than any fabricated story. So he tells Wymack about it all. About Tetsuji and Kengo, the co-founder of exy and the head of an international empire. But also about Tetusji and Kengo, the abusive head of the Ravens’ Nest and the controlling leader of a criminal empire. About Ichirou and Riko, two sons, one set to inherit the throne, the other a psychopath that will never belong to the main family. He tells Wymack about Kevin, about Riko’s anger. He tells Wymack about himself and Jean, how they were sold to the Moriyamas, and about the dark side of ‘the Perfect Court’.

He does not tell Wymack who his father is. That skeleton will remain buried.

At the end of it, Wymack just stares. “Well,” Wymack says.

“Well,” comes another voice. “The rabbit grew a spine.”

Nathaniel is out of his chair and moving towards Andrew Minyard before Wymack can react.

“Do not touch me,” Andrew says, and Nathaniel stops as he feels a blade being held to his side.

He curses himself for forgetting about Andrew’s knives. He grips the knife being held to his side, mindful of the edge. “I’m not the one you need to worry about having a spine.”

“Damn it, Minyard, leave him alone. Do you have to make everything complicated?” Wymack sounds more annoyed than angry, which Nathaniel thinks may be a testament to his character. Most people tend to react more strongly when knives appear.

Andrew pauses, and then steps back. The knife disappears – Nathaniel watches carefully where it goes under his armbands. Then Andrew holds his hands up, grinning. “I’m not the one who made everything complicated, Coach.”

Nathaniel smiles back. “And _I’m_ not the one pulling knives on people.”

“Oh, but we already talked about this. You don’t need a weapon to be dangerous, do you?”

“You kids are gonna be the death of me,” Wymack mutters. “Minyard, Wesninski, knock it off.”

Nathaniel waits for Andrew to drop eye contact first, and then he sits back down, sipping at his water.

“What do you want,” Wymack asks Andrew, sounding tired.

Andrew tilts his head and looks at Nathaniel again. “I don’t want anything, Coach. You know that.”

Nathaniel snorts. “Ok, edgelord.”

Andrew gives Nathaniel some kind of look. “We’ll talk more soon.” He turns and walks back out of the house.

“Yeah, nice to see you too, Minyard!” Wymack calls as the front door slams.

“Guess he makes up for his height with personality,” Nathaniel says, amused as usual that Andrew is shorter than him. “And I thought Kevin was a drama queen.”

“Speak of the devil,” Wymack says.

Kevin and Jean walk out of the bedroom, both still looking tired. “Morning,” Jean says to Nathaniel quietly. They sit down on either side of him at the table. Wymack’s mouth quirks in a slight smile. Nathaniel supposes it must be a funny picture – Kevin and Jean both more than six feet tall and broad shouldered, Nathaniel only five foot three and with the lean body of a runner.

Wymack says, “You three have met Abby already. She’ll be by later, to check on Kevin’s wrist and bring you some clothes.”

“Is there anything to eat?” Jean asks, still quiet.

Nathaniel checks his eyes. They are not empty, although Kevin looks a broken man.

“Yeah, sure,” Wymack says, standing up. “What would you guys like?”

* * *

Christmas break passes by in an odd blur. Nathaniel pulls himself out of bed the first few days, struggling to adjust to the time. He goes for short runs in the mornings, and longer ones in the evenings. Some days, Kevin joins him, and other days Jean does. Eventually, Coach lets Jean and Nathaniel use the Foxhole Court for practice. They use borrowed sticks and the ill-fitting clothes that Abby bought them. Kevin doesn’t go near the court.

Wymack checks the news every day. Nothing has shown up about the three of them, or even about the Ravens at all. But Nathaniel knows that anything could happen once championships start.

The Foxes begin to trickle back as break comes to a close. One night, as Nathaniel stretches outside of Wymack’s house post-run, a car that looks more expensive than its owner pulls up to the curb.

“Get in,” Andrew says.

Nathaniel quirks an eyebrow and climbs in. Andrew puts the car in park and rolls down the windows, lighting a cigarette. Nathaniel examines Andrew out of the corner of his eye. Something’s off, but he’s not sure what.

“You heard all of it,” Nathaniel finally says, addressing what happened in Wymack’s house days ago.

“Yes,” Andrew replies. “Sounds like it’d be better if you left.”

“We aren’t leaving.”

“I assumed.” Andrew blows out smoke. “What would you give me if I protected you?”

“What do you want?” Nathaniel asks.

Andrew gives him a bored look. “I want nothing.”

Nathaniel gives him a measured look. “We don’t need your protection.”

“And what if we don’t need you here? What if we don’t need you to bring the violence of the Moriyamas to us.”

Nathaniel remains quiet. He doesn’t want Riko to hurt the Foxes, but his allegiances lie with Kevin and Jean. And for them, he is going to destroy Riko.

“So there’s the deal,” Andrew says. “You can stay, here, and you’ll trust me.”

“Will I?”

“You will. You will stay, you and your band of merry men. I will let you stay, and protect them too, and when the time comes, I will help you.”

“Ok,” Nathaniel says, after a moment’s hesitation. “Help me with what?”

Andrew turns to him and disinterestedly blows smoke in his face. “Don’t ask stupid questions.”

Nathaniel smiles slowly. They’ve come to an understanding, then. He has only one more question. “So why aren’t you medicated?”

Nathaniel knows Andrew’s story. Kevin had tried to recruit him to the Ravens a while ago, so they’d all learned his story. Andrew attacked and almost killed four men outside of a nightclub in defense of his cousin, also a Fox. His court-ordered parole was weekly counseling, therapy, and daily medication that keeps him high in the sky.

Andrew’s smile creeps slowly across his face, under dead, dead eyes. He looks like a jack-o’-lantern. “Hush, little rabbit.”

Nathaniel files this piece of trust away; he supposes it’s Andrew’s exchange for all the secrets he heard at Wymack’s. He opens the door. “See you on the court.”

Andrew’s snort follows him out of the car.

The next night, Kevin finally talks to Nathaniel and Jean about exy. Nathaniel walks into the kitchen to find Kevin surrounded by printed out papers, game reports, and player stats.

“There you are,” Kevin says. “So here’s the thing. If we play for the Foxes in the fall, they don’t need two more backliners.” Nathaniel gets himself a glass of water from the sink. “Also, eat some protein.”

Jean hands him a yogurt.

Nathaniel sighs and gets a spoon, knowing Kevin won’t let him throw it away. “So do you want to talk like a normal person, and not be cryptic?”

Jean makes eye contact with Nathaniel. He has a long-suffering expression, the one he tends to get when Kevin talks about exy for hours on end, but Nathaniel is relieved to see it. Kevin has been a shell of himself since the banquet, and the return of his single-minded focus makes Nathaniel smile. Finally.

“Wymack is going to let me assistant coach the Foxes,” Kevin starts.

“Oh, they’re in for a treat,” Nathaniel mutters to Jean.

Kevin continues, “But if we play for them in the fall season – ”

“We?” Nathaniel asks.

“I’m getting there,” Kevin says irritably, “if you’d just stop interrupting me.”

Nathaniel gestures with his spoon. “Yeah, yeah, keep going.”

“So if we play for them in the fall season, they don’t need two backliners.”

“I have a feeling I don’t like where this is going.”

“You’re fast enough to be a striker,” Kevin says earnestly. “You could’ve been one, if not for…for Riko.”

“Maybe from now on we should just call him asshole number one,” Nathaniel says. Jean snorts, then seems to force his face back to its usual bland, slightly kicked-puppy look.

“ _Anyway_ , here’s the plan. I’m going to get the Foxes through the three games before the death match. And after that, Wymack is going to help me train you to play as striker.”

Jean asks the question both he and Nathaniel are thinking. “What about you?”

Kevin doesn’t immediately respond. Then he looks up, and Nathaniel can see something fragile growing in his eyes. “I’m going to try to play right-handed.”

“Oh boy,” Nathaniel says. “Let’s make sure that wrist is healed first.”

Jean raises his hand. “Do I have to learn a new position too?”

Kevin shakes his head. “No, but we’ll need you for scrimmaging to teach Nathaniel.”

“Oh, joy,” Jean says. “We’ll be kids all over again, punching each other with Kevin screaming in the background.”

Wymack says from the doorway, “I’m off to the court. First night of practice. You guys ok here?”

They all look up at him. “Yeah, we’re good,” Nathaniel says, then to Jean, “and for the record, I won most of those fights.”

Jean rolls his eyes. “Whatever you say.”

“The Foxes’ first championship game is next week,” Kevin says, already back to exy.

“Ok?” Nathaniel says. “Are we going to help them?”

“Soon,” Kevin replies. “I just need to watch them play.”

Unfortunately for the Foxes, their performance the following Friday leaves Kevin in such a bad mood that Jean joins Nathaniel on all of his weekend runs. (And Jean doesn’t even like running.) On Monday, when the three finally meet the Foxes, any good will that might have existed between them and the former Ravens is completely evaporated due to Kevin.

“ _We should have brought popcorn_ ,” Jean mutters to Nathaniel in French.

Kevin is at the front of the lounge, lecturing harshly about their playing. The Foxes’ expressions range from slightly aggravated (Dan Wilds) to incredibly aggravated (Seth Gordon).

Nathaniel has tuned Kevin out. After several years, he’s pretty good at it. Instead he watches the Foxes. Dan, Allison, and Renee are seated together. The three of them seem like people he’d get along with, although something about Renee’s serene gaze is off to Nathaniel. Matt sits on the arm of the couch next to Dan, and Reggie, Dwayne, Juan, and Seth are seated together, a combination that looks like a bomb waiting to go off.

And then, of course, there are the cousins. Nicky looks as offended as Allison (oh, Nathaniel thinks, _that_ must be an amusing combination) and Aaron seems to be unhappy as well. But Andrew – Andrew is smiling, as he always is, but there is no amusement in his eyes. They are cold and bored, and Nathaniel thinks that regardless of their deal, Andrew is not going to enjoy having to coexist with Kevin.

He says as much to Jean, and a few minutes later is proven right when Andrew stands up and heads for the locker room.

“Where are you going?” Kevin demands. “You’re the biggest issue!”

“Try that on someone who cares!”

Kevin is struck speechless, and Nathaniel and Jean snicker in unison.

“Who let the creepy twins in?” Seth asks Wymack, who’s been sitting on the other side of the TV from Kevin.

Wymack stands and addresses his team. “Foxes, meet Kevin Day, Nathaniel Wesninski, and Jean Moreau. Kevin will be assistant coaching this spring in exchange for our hospitality, so I expect you to give him the same amount of respect as you do for me. Nathaniel and Jean will be…” He trails off, and glances at Nathaniel and Jean.

“Oh, we’re the peanut gallery,” Nathaniel says with a smile. Wymack gives him an expression that Nathaniel has come to identify as the ‘you’re a little shit’ look.

This garners some amusement from the team, but that quickly disappears as soon as Kevin asks, “How did you make it to championships?”

“ _This is going to be a long week,_ ” Jean observes to Nathaniel as the Foxes’ uncomfortable expressions quickly give way to defiant solidarity against Kevin.

Unsurprisingly, Jean is correct. Nathaniel and Jean observe as Kevin coaches the Foxes, ruthlessly critical and demanding. It is the Kevin they always knew, the one born of growing up with Riko – obsessed with being the best of the best, relentless in his pursuit of perfection. The Foxes, sick of his condescension after only a few days, take their protesting to Wymack. At first, Nathaniel and Jean are happy to sit on the sidelines of the court and watch, but after that, Wymack requests that they join the fray.

So Nathaniel and Jean suit up in borrowed gear – chest/shoulder padding, arm, shin, and neck guards, and gloves. They take old practice jerseys from Wymack’s office, and backliner racquets that the coach had stashed away.

Nathaniel makes a face as he holds the racquet. “This doesn’t feel right.”

Jean throws a bandana at him. “Put that on, your hair is getting too long.”

Nathaniel rolls his eyes and acquiesces, then puts on a helmet and tosses one to Jean. They make mutual faces of disgust at the smell of old sweat, and then they head out to the court.

Jean and Nathaniel line up to join the scrimmage, going where Kevin (and Wymack) direct them. In the end, Nathaniel gets paired up with Matt to guard Reggie in one goal, and Aaron with Jean to guard Renee in the other. Aaron and Jean give each other the same look of scorn, and Nathaniel gives Matt a nod.

Nathaniel adjusts to playing with Matt fairly well, but he can’t predict his movements quite as well as he can Jean’s. Then Matt gets checked roughly by Seth, who seems in a bad mood from at least three arguments with Kevin. Matt, though one of the tallest on the team, isn’t ready for Seth’s aggression, and ends up on the ground to the tune of Kevin yelling.

Nathaniel jogs over to offer him a hand up, and says, “Tune Kevin out. It’s what we do.”

Matt gives Nathaniel a surprised look. “How the hell did you learn to do that?”

Nathaniel gives him a sharp smile. “Lots of practice.”

Matt takes his hand and Nathaniel hauls him up. “Well,” Matt says. “Guess we just have to get used to it, then.”

On Friday, when the Foxes play their second game, the three former Ravens watch from the TV in Wymack’s apartment.

“They’re getting better,” Nathaniel says, drinking his water.

Kevin, on the other hand, takes a swig of vodka straight from the bottle and says, “No, they’re not. _God.”_

Nathaniel exchanges a look with Jean, and they both shrug. “Did you take that from Wymack,” Jean asks, but his tone conveys that he already knows the answer.

Kevin waves a hand at him, eyes trained on the TV.

Jean says, “They are fighting. They are playing like they want to win.”

He’s right. The score is five to two, and the Foxes look fired up, high off their three point lead.

“They’re just…” Kevin trails off, watching. “They could be good. But they’re still just…making stupid mistakes!” He makes a frustrated sound as the Foxes lose the ball.

“Get it back, get it back,” Nathaniel mutters, staring at the TV.

“You’re both obsessed,” Jean says. He hands oranges to Kevin and Nathaniel.

“You also play this sport,” Nathaniel points out. “Hold on, I’m getting a knife.”

“I’m not pausing the game!” Kevin calls as Nathaniel walks into the kitchen.

As he walks back into the room, Nathaniel asks, “Why are we eating oranges after dinner?”

Jean shrugs and peels his orange. Nathaniel carefully stabs his orange with the knife and leverages the skin off.

“You are going to hell,” Jean tells him.

Nathaniel carefully takes a single orange slice and throws it back at him.

“C’mon, _c’mon_ ,” Kevin hisses.

“Their defense line is slow,” Jean says.

“Good reason for me to stay as a backliner,” Nathaniel observes.

“No,” Kevin says without taking his eyes of the TV. “We’re training you as a striker and that’s that.”

Nathaniel sighs.

“Good thing I’m not too slow,” Jean says. “We should make them run with you, Nathaniel.”

“No,” Nathaniel says.

Jean rolls his eyes. “Eat your orange.”

* * *

The Foxes manage to qualify for the death match. Kevin doesn’t know how, but it quickly becomes obvious that it isn’t their biggest issue.

For one, Wymack finishes his correspondence with Tetsuji. The man had spun a fake story about a skiing trip, one that left Kevin’s hand broken, and put distance between Riko and Kevin. According to Tetsuji, Nathaniel and Jean had left the Ravens to support Kevin as he tried to recover, and the separation had left Riko so distraught that all four of them had to be taken off the lineup as the Ravens began championships.

So Wymack sends Edgar Allan a check, and with it, a letter. It declares repayment for Kevin’s athletic scholarship, clarifying that Kevin doesn’t expect them to keep him, and also addresses the fact that Nathaniel and Jean feel they should stay with Kevin to help him coach his new team, and they are making the choice to leave the Ravens of their own free will to assist him. This is Nathaniel’s idea – the public will fall for the sob story, and Tetsuji can’t openly force them back to Edgar Allan without revealing the truth of the Moriyama family and alienating Kevin’s fans. Tetsuji holds a press conference after the letter, and the world learns about what happened to Kevin’s hand.

The three watch, and Kevin grips Nathaniel’s hand so tightly he thinks it might leave bruises.

 _“What about our families?”_ Jean asks. There’s that little bit of terror back in his eyes. 

“ _My father is in prison,”_ Nathaniel replies, “ _and your family across the ocean. Whoever they send after us, I will take care of.”_ He doesn’t mention the deal with Andrew, but it’s an unspoken safety net. He just kind of hopes they won’t have to rely on it. 

And for two, despite the deal, Kevin finally aggravates Andrew enough that he fights back.

“ _I am not surprised,”_ Jean tells Nathaniel quietly when Andrew slams the court door shut.

“ _No, he doesn’t make anything easy, does he,”_ Nathaniel replies.

“ _Kevin, or Andrew?”_

_“Both.”_

Nathaniel and Jean continue to practice with the Foxes, Renee and Reggie in goal. Andrew changes out, but he does not step on the court. Nathaniel catches Renee after practice one day, having come to the conclusion that she is one of the few people Andrew actually talks to.

“You want to know what Andrew said?” Renee asks.

Nathaniel nods.

Renee gives him a calm look. “His secrets are his own, as I’m sure you know. But Andrew doesn’t like Kevin’s tactics, and Kevin desires to remake Andrew. He does not want that.”

Nathaniel sighs. “Yeah, Kevin can be…a lot.”

Renee nods, and when Nathaniel doesn’t respond, she looks conflicted about something. “Nathaniel,” she starts. Then, “Hm.”

Nathaniel raises an eyebrow. “Yes?”

Renee asks, “Nathaniel, is there any chance your father’s name is Nathan?”

Nathaniel freezes. “Who’s asking?”

Renee looks at him, and her eyes are steelier than Nathaniel thinks they ought to be, for a girl who wears a cross and carries a Bible and dyes her hair pastel colors. “Nobody important. But Andrew and I have a certain kind of friendship.”

Nathaniel wonders if this is her confessing that she and Andrew are fucking. He hopes not.

Renee continues, “We spar.”

“Oh,” Nathaniel says.

Renee gives him that serene smile. “If you ever find yourself in need of a fight, I would like to see how we would match up.”

Nathaniel says, “We’ll see.” He walks away, slightly unnerved. He doesn't enjoy being reminded of his father, and he definitely doesn't enjoy being unnerved. And somehow, Renee Walker just managed to do both at once.

Nathaniel talks to Kevin about Andrew. As expected, Kevin won’t budge. The next time Andrew gets back on the court is for the death match against Penn State.

Jean, Nathaniel, and Kevin do the same thing they’ve done for the other championship games – they put it on the TV in Wymack’s apartment, and Kevin gets a bottle of alcohol.

Penn State, one of the ‘Big Three’, is not quite as good as Edgar Allan. But they are still one of the best teams in NCAA exy, and they score ten goals on the Foxes during the first half.

“Pour me some of that,” Jean says, gesturing to Kevin’s drink.

Kevin hands the bottle to him. “We have a lot to do,” Kevin says with a sigh.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uhhhh im sorry but yea this is more than ive written in like a year! kind of enjoying myself actually even if ive read this so many times that i hate it and even if im not sure how this is going to continue, its still fun. also thank you guys for comments they make me really happy


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which kevin starts to play again, andrew gets surprised, and the monsters take the three on their first trip to eden's.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello again. not sure how this is, but here yall go lmao. starting to move towards when the foxhole court would start in the canon timeline, so im sure youll start seeing some interesting events soon. as always, i apologize for this probably not being my best writing, but i hope you enjoy it!

The Foxes, after losing the death match, are officially out of the running. They have the rest of February off, until March and spring practice starts. During the in-between days, Kevin makes good on his promise to teach Nathaniel how to play striker. Nathaniel starts learning the position, and is immediately frustrated by it. Jean laughs, and Kevin painfully starts picking up a racquet himself.

One day in early February, Jean and Nathaniel run to the court, getting there before Kevin and Wymack. They change out and start playing one on one.

When they stop for a break, Jean asks, “Did Kevin say he wouldn’t be here today?”

“Kevin’s a rat. I’m pretty sure even if he wasn’t going to be here today, he wouldn’t tell us, just so we’d come all the way out here and practice anyway.”

“Sounds like somebody’s bitter.”

Nathaniel sends a ball straight at Jean’s head. Jean will duck, he’s got good reflexes.

“I hope you know you’re going to hell.”

Nathaniel gives him a smile. “After you.”

Jean rolls his eyes. He starts, “So – ” and then the door to the court slams open. Kevin storms in.

Nathaniel and Jean exchange a look as Kevin starts setting up one of the eight Raven fundamental drills. Jean’s raised eyebrow asks, _do we know why he’s pissed?_ Nathaniel’s eyeroll says, _when do we ever._

Nathaniel runs over to where Wymack is standing by the door. Wymack says, “He let the world know that you three are here at Palmetto.”

“Oh,” Nathaniel says. “So he’s scared.”

Wymack picks up a racquet and walks onto the court. “With all you’ve told me, I would be, too.”

“Don’t worry, Coach. Everything’ll be fine.”

“Kid, you’re a whole bucket of crazy.”

Kevin is like this for days – angry, scared, angry that he’s scared, scared that he’s angry. He goes in circles and starts to curl back in on himself, but it’s different than the first few days of Christmas break. This time, Kevin focuses on exy. He pushes himself and Nathaniel hard, choosing to focus on this instead of the inevitability of what is to come.

“I feel like I’m going to die,” Nathaniel says, collapsing on Jean, who is sitting on Wymack’s couch. “Kevin is going to kill me. And himself.”

Jean shoves him off. “Maybe you should eat some actual sustenance.”

“Like, when was the last time he worked us this hard?”

“He’s not working me that hard.”

“You’re not learning a new position.”

“Sucks to be you. Go get some yogurt.”

Nathaniel squints at him. “Why’re you grumpy?”

Jean doesn’t reply.

Nathaniel pokes him. “Jean.”

Jean looks at him. “When is Riko going to respond?”

Nathaniel drops the teasing face. “I don’t know,” he says.

Jean looks away. “We shouldn’t have left.”

“No, that’s not true. You know this was the right decision.”

Jean closes his eyes. Nathaniel walks into the kitchen and gets a yogurt. He comes back and sits next to Jean on the couch and eats it. It’s slimy, and the aftertaste leaves him nauseous, but Jean gives him a small smile.

It’s not until they get a package addressed to Wymack, the return address for Castle Evermore, that Kevin snaps.

Well, he doesn’t snap. He goes into the bathroom and pukes.

“Let me open it,” Nathaniel tells Wymack. He takes a knife and slits the tape. It is the carcass of a raven, in all its bloody glory. Its left wing has been torn off by force, and its beak is stuffed with orange and white confetti. It has not been cleaned.

“What the hell,” Wymack says.

Nathaniel breathes in through his mouth. “I hate that bastard.”

“We have to go back.” Jean says. Kevin is still retching in the bathroom.

“ _No,_ ” Nathaniel says forcefully. “We’re never going back there.”

“Nathaniel is right,” Wymack says. “You’re not going back. You’re with us now.”

Jean just shakes his head and walks out of the kitchen. Nathaniel looks at Wymack. “It’s going to get worse,” he says.

Wymack tells him, “There’s already been some vandalization, a couple riots. It’ll be ok, kid.” 

Nathaniel sighs. He fills a glass with water and takes it to Kevin in the bathroom. Kevin takes it, sips it, and then looks at it as if it’s personally offended him.

“No,” Nathaniel says. “I am not giving you alcohol, it’s one in the afternoon. We’re going to go to the court, and we’re going to practice.”

Kevin groans. But he hauls himself upwards, and walks into the kitchen with Nathaniel. “We’ll go,” he says.

“Watch Jean,” Nathaniel tells Wymack. “We’ll practice on our own today.”

Wymack looks at the two of them. He almost looks sad, a funny expression on a burly old guy with heavy tattoos. “Alright.”

Nathaniel and Kevin run to the court. It’s a sprint for Kevin and a fast jog for Nathaniel, and it makes him feel better about the large breakfast Wymack forced upon him.

Even at the court, Kevin keeps going. Through all of February, he practices and practices. Nathaniel gets a brief reminder of how Kevin used to be – cruel and cutting, criticizing Nathaniel’s every effort. It frustrates Nathaniel to no end, and when Jean practices with them, he tries his best to stay out of it.

But March begins, and the Foxes return to the court. Their alliances shift – none of the senior group, save Seth, come back, since practices after the season ends are optional for those graduating. Matt sits with Dan and Renee on one couch, and the other is taken over by the cousins. Allison sits with Seth in two of the chairs.

And this time, Nathaniel, Jean, and Kevin sit at the front of the room, Kevin holding a racquet.

“What the fuck does _he_ think he’s doing?” Seth asks.

“You think we can scrimmage with just one striker?” Wymack looks at them all. “Nathaniel and Kevin will be playing offense from now on.”

“He’s left handed,” Allison points out, like this should be obvious. “And Nathaniel’s a backliner.”

“Yeah,” Wymack says. “And while your sorry asses were sitting on a couch the whole month, they were out here practicing. Even had Jean to play against them. Now let’s get moving.”

“This is gonna be fan-fucking-tastic,” Seth says with a snort. "I can't wait." 

It goes almost as horribly as their first week with the Foxes. Nathaniel gains good experience playing with a whole team, but he knows that the Foxes are judging him and Kevin, and they’re coming up short. Kevin, despite the long days of practice, is still badly off in his aim, and Nathaniel is just an amateur. Seth and Kevin scream at each other, and the team spends the whole week angry and off-kilter.

And then Kevin scores on Renee. He almost looks surprised when he does, and so does everyone else. Nathaniel can feel a small smile curving on his lips, and he glances at the backline, where Jean is nodding.

“No way,” Seth claims, and then Kevin does it again.

Suddenly Dan stops looking resigned, and starts looking thoughtful.

“Nathaniel,” she calls to him during a water break. “Get over here.”

Nathaniel jogs over to her.

“Look,” Dan says. “I know you’ve got no experience. But here’s what I’m seeing. With strikers, there’s the ones who can draw all the angles around someone’s height so that everything is perfect – that’s Kevin. That’s someone who’s spent years on this position, who’s tall enough that he’s got a lot of reach, and who’s good enough that he can calculate exactly where someone’s weak spot is. You don’t have the time, or the height, but you’ve got instinct. You know exactly where to push a backliner. It doesn’t show until you’re out there playing, but you’ve got it.”

Nathaniel stares at her. After a month of Kevin’s harsh words, hearing something encouraging is a little strange.

Dan smacks him on the back when he doesn’t respond. “What I’m saying is, keep it up!”

“Oh,” Nathaniel says. “Uh, sure thing.”

“Wilds, Wesninski!” Wymack shouts. “Back on the court!”

“ _What’d she want,_ ” Jean asks Nathaniel quietly between plays.

“ _She was giving me some advice._ ”

“ _Oh, yeah?_ ”

“ _Yeah,_ ” Nathaniel says, and a smile curves on his face. “ _They’re not the Ravens, but Kevin’s right. They could be good, especially with Dan as their captain.”_

Jean tilts his head. “ _She’s a good leader. They’re all just…really dysfunctional._ ” He makes a face as Seth and Kevin begin yelling yet again.

To their surprise, Andrew is back on the court the next week. He gets in goal, and Kevin, who had been scoring more consistently on Renee, can’t get anything in. This actually makes practice better – Kevin shuts up and stops responding to Seth. He even holds back on critiquing Nathaniel during team practice, focusing only on his own shots.

“You’re like a rat,” Andrew calls to Kevin one day, lazily smacking the ball all the way down the court. “Exy’s the shiny center of your tiny world. Isn’t it awful that you just can’t get it?”

Jean snorts.

Nicky freezes and looks at him. “Oh my god, you have emotions. I thought you had the whole brooding, bad boy vibe going – ”

“Pay _attention_ , Hemmick!”

Kevin rebounds the ball off the wall and blows past Nicky. Jean’s not close enough to check him, and Kevin takes the shot.

The goal lights red.

“Holy shit,” Dan mutters, standing near Nathaniel. “Holy _shit._ ”

Andrew looks just as surprised as the rest of the Foxes. He looks at Kevin, and taps his racquet against the ground. Then he makes eye contact with Nathaniel across the court, and Nathaniel feels a grin spreading.

“What’re you guys doing? Get moving!” Wymack shouts, and everybody unfreezes.

Nathaniel watches out of the corner of his eye as Kevin squares up with Andrew. He’s calculating his limits – the lines that he needs to shoot within in order to score.

And then he does it again.

They reset. Nathaniel crosses the ball to Kevin, and Kevin smashes it into the goal.

“Hey monster, you gonna keep letting those slip by you?” Allison asks cattily.

He sends a ball flying at her heels.

The next ball that Kevin rockets at Andrew, Andrew catches. The manic grin is gone, and now he just stares at Kevin. Nathaniel really hopes this isn’t about to become another argument between them.

Andrew throws the ball back out, and when Kevin takes another shot, he blocks it.

And in between blocking every shot that comes at him, Nathaniel sees something. Andrew smiles, just a little.

 _Careful_ , Nathaniel thinks to Andrew. _People might start thinking you care_.

* * *

Wymack sets the contracts down in front of the three of them at breakfast one Friday.

“Talked to the team,” he says gruffly. “You three just have to choose whether you want to play for us or not.”

Jean stands up with the forms and walks out of the room, leaving his smoothie at the table. Kevin stares at the papers, like they’re a lifeline and a curse all at once.

Nathaniel says, “Give me a pen.” He’ll need all summer to get up to a Class I playing level, but it’s too late to go back on this particular decision. If the Moriyamas are going to kill them, signing to play for the Foxes won’t make a single difference, not this late in the game.

He forces himself not to judge Kevin and Jean for their lack of a spine. (In the end, they sign, and that’s all that matters.)

After practice, Andrew catches Nathaniel on the way out. Nathaniel is immediately wary. “Well, little rabbit, guess you’re not here to hide anymore.”

“I’m a fox now,” Nathaniel says.

Andrew laughs. “A knife, a rabbit, a fox. So many faces. Do you know which is the truth?”

Nathaniel doesn’t respond.

“I hate liars,” Andrew muses. “But! A congratulations is in order. You and your merry men are one of _us_ now.”

“What he means,” Nicky says, sliding into the conversation, “is that we’re inviting you out to party tonight!”

Nathaniel was right to be wary. “All three of us?”

“I’m assuming they wouldn’t go on their own,” Nicky says.

“That’s true,” Nathaniel replies.

“It’s settled then!” Nicky smiles at him. “We’ll pick you up around nineish?”

“Sure,” Nathaniel says.

As he walks towards Kevin and Jean, Dan grabs his arm. “Don’t go.”

“What?” Nathaniel attempts to extricate his arm from her grasp.

“Don’t go.” Dan repeats. “You don’t know what they did to Matt, earlier this year.”

“We’ll be fine,” Nathaniel says. “Don’t worry.”

When Nicky shows up at nine with bags of clothes, Jean sighs heavily. “Why am I doing this again,” he mutters.

Kevin glares at the clothes. “What’s wrong with what I’m wearing?”

Nicky laughs. “Kev, honey, we’re going to a _club_. For once, try acting like you don't have an exy-sized stick up your ass.” In response to this, Kevin makes an enraged noise that causes Nathaniel and Jean to laugh.

For Nathaniel, Nicky chose skintight black jeans and a mesh black shirt that sort of drapes over him. He glances in the mirror. The scars from his childhood, while faded, are visible underneath, but Nathaniel thinks that in the chaos of the club, nobody’s going to look too closely.

Besides, Nathaniel thinks, the scars remind people that he’s dangerous.

When he walks out, Nicky whistles. “Hot damn, boys. God has blessed me tonight.”

Jean and Kevin are dressed similarly. Kevin looks wildly uncomfortable, and Jean looks like he’d rather be anywhere but here.

Nicky grins at them. “Alright, let’s get moving! Don’t want to keep Andrew waiting.”

“This is possibly one of your worst ideas yet _,_ ” Jean mutters to Nathaniel in the car. Nathaniel has to admit that Jean may be right.

Nicky conveniently forgot to mention that while there are six of them, Andrew’s fancy car only has five seatbelts. So Nicky’s driving, Andrew’s sitting shotgun, and Aaron, Kevin, Nathaniel, and Jean are crowded together in the back seat. Even though Aaron and Nathaniel are both very small, they’re squished by Kevin and Jean, the six foot giants.

“I agree with him,” Aaron says. “This is awful.”

“Shut up,” Andrew says through clenched teeth. “Nicky, pull the fucking car over.”

Nicky glances at him, swerving, and pulls over on the nonexistent shoulder of the highway. Andrew opens the door and pukes into the dark, dry heaving like he’s going to cough up his lungs.

“What the fuck,” Jean says.

Andrew pulls himself back into the car and slams the door shut. His hands are shaking.

Nobody says anything. Nicky speeds down an exit ramp and into Columbia. They pull into a restaurant called Sweetie’s. Nicky drops them at the door and goes to grab a parking spot.

It’s relatively busy, for a Friday night, but they’re seated quick enough. Andrew grabs a pack of crackers from the salad bar and starts hostilely munching his way through them.

“Now who’s the rabbit,” Nathaniel says to Andrew, laughing to himself. Andrew glares at him.

When Nicky comes and sits down, the waitress appears to take their order. “Just the ice cream special,” Nicky tells her, smiling beatifically. Right before she walks away, Andrew stuffs the empty cracker packets into her apron.

“Why’re we getting ice cream?” Kevin asks. “I’m not eating ice cream.”

“Shut up,” Jean and Aaron tell him at the same time.

They side-eye each other. “I hate this fucking family,” Aaron mutters.

Nicky, meanwhile, is looking at Andrew with concern. Andrew’s hands are shaking on the table.

“You’re coming off your meds,” Nathaniel says, having a realization.

“No shit, Sherlock,” Andrew forces through clenched teeth.

“I’m starting to lose track of all the pet names you’ve given me,” Nathaniel says.

Aaron makes a gagging noise.

“Can I talk now?” Kevin asks grumpily.

Before anyone responds, a waitress arrives and passes out bowls of ice cream, and then puts a large pile of napkins in the center of the table.

Andrew sifts through the napkins to find small packs of powder. He hunches behind Kevin’s large frame and pours one into his mouth.

“Uh, try the ice cream!” Nicky says to Nathaniel and Kevin.

“I’m not really hungry,” Nathaniel says. He pushes his bowl over to Jean, who glares at him and pushes it back.

Andrew breathes out roughly, and then sits up straight and takes a spoonful of ice cream. Whatever drug was in the packets seems to have dulled his withdrawal for the time being.

Nicky keeps up a stream of conversation as they eat, but Nathaniel mostly tunes it out, watching Andrew. By the time they’re done, all the packets have disappeared into his pockets, and when the waitress brings a check, Nathaniel sees Aaron clip a couple bills to it.

Their second destination of the night is a nightclub called Eden’s Twilight. There’s a long line out the doors, but the cousins ignore it. They pull up to the front, where Aaron hops out and greets the bouncers with an intricate handshake. He returns with a parking pass for Nicky, and then he and Andrew usher the other three out and through the doors. They skip the line entirely, and Andrew gives the bouncers a two-finger salute as they walk in.

Inside, the club is pounding music and flashing lights and a lot of people dressed in a lot of leather. The first floor is crowded with people dancing, and the second floor is more a balcony than anything. A dais wraps around the dance floor with tables and chairs, and Nicky leads them to an empty table.

Jean grabs Nathaniel’s arm. “ _Why are we here again?”_

Nathaniel says, “ _I wish I knew. Just be careful what you drink.”_

Jean nods. They hurry to catch up to the cousins and Kevin, who are sitting down. Andrew grabs Nathaniel and drags him over to the bar.

“Andrew!” One of the bartenders crows. “You’ve brought some poor saps along with you.”

“Give us the usual,” Andrew tells him.

The bartender flashes Nathaniel an easy smile. “What about you?”

“I’m good,” Nathaniel replies.

“Too good to drink with us?” Andrew asks.

Nathaniel just looks at him. “Don’t drink. Nothing against you guys, just don’t enjoy the feeling.”

“Liar.”

Nathaniel huffs. “I don’t drink my calories,” he finally says.

“There it is,” Andrew says. He picks up the tray of drinks that the bartender slides them, and then he heads back to the others without another word.

Back at the table, the cousins start drinking at an alarming speed. Kevin can’t resist, and he tries keeping pace with them. Even Jean picks up a glass, although he doesn’t enjoy alcohol quite as much as Kevin.

Right before Andrew hands out the packets, he declares, “We will not be talking about exy.”

This seems mainly aimed at Kevin, who frowns and says instead, “What’s that?” He motions to the packets.

“Cracker dust,” Nicky says. “Gives you a little rush. Want one?” He smiles at Nathaniel.

Nathaniel shakes his head.

“It’s not bad for you. We’re not that stupid. Just makes life a little more interesting. C’mon,” Nicky wheedles. “I want to see which way you swing, pretty boy.”

“Nicky,” Andrew says sharply.

“I don’t swing. Give it to them,” Nathaniel says. Nicky shrugs, and hands packets to Jean and Kevin.

“Are you sure?” Kevin asks. He hesitates for a moment, but he’s never been able to resist a drink in his life. Nathaniel doesn’t think he’ll say no to this either.

Jean looks askance at it. “No,” he says. “Just give me a drink.”

“Stingy children,” Nicky says, and exchanges Jean’s dust for a shot glass.

Andrew gives Nathaniel a cold smile as the other four knock back drinks and dust. “You’re not an angel,” Andrew says. “So why’re you pretending to be one?”

“I told you,” Nathaniel says. “I value my control too much.”

Andrew takes his own dust, and then reaches over and runs a finger across Nathaniel’s pronounced collarbone, which sticks out of his skin where his shirt has fallen down his shoulder. “This isn’t control.” He gives Nathaniel a look of scorn. “What did I say? I _hate_ liars.”

After a minute, Nicky and Aaron grab Jean and Nathaniel. “C’mon, let’s go dance,” Nicky says.

Aaron gets Jean away, but Nathaniel grinds his feet in. “Kevin coming?”

“He needs to talk to Andrew!” Nicky has to shout as the music changes to something with a pounding beat.

Nathaniel glances over his shoulder. Kevin’s drunk, but not that drunk.

“You already got your conversation with Andrew,” Nicky adds. “Now it’s Kevin’s turn.”

Nathaniel hesitates, which is just enough time for Nicky to get him down onto the dance floor. The grinding bodies and flashing strobes make it feel like a nightmare, but Nicky is grinning. “Welcome to the family!” He shouts.

“What?” Nathaniel yells back.

Nicky drags him close and says, “Family’s who Andrew chooses to protect.”

“What about Jean and Kevin?”

“Oh, Aaron likes Jean. Jean’s here to stay. But Kevin?” Nicky points to their table. “That’s why he’s up there talking to Andrew.”

Nathaniel’s contemplating the fact that Aaron enjoys Jean’s company, when he sees Andrew’s hand shoot out and grab Kevin’s neck. He starts to move, but Nicky grabs him.

“Leave them be!” Nicky shouts. “Just enjoy the ride.” He grabs Nathaniel’s face and drags him in as if to kiss him.

Nathaniel’s fist flashes out and into his eye socket. “Don’t try that on me. I told you: I don’t do drugs, and I don’t swing.”

Nicky recoils, holding his face. “ _Fuck_ , Nathaniel.”

Nathaniel gives him a razor-edge smile. “Don’t touch me.” 

Nicky raises his hands. “Ok, ok, truce, I won’t forget again.”

Nathaniel turns and fights his way back towards the stairs. He gets up on the dais and walks towards the table.

“Andrew,” he says, and he knows that cruel expression is still on his face.

“Nathaniel,” Andrew says. “Kevin and I are just about done with our little talk here.”

Nathaniel looks at Kevin. Kevin’s drunk, but he looks reasonably coherent for once in his life.

“He told me what you agreed on,” Kevin says. “He’s going to protect us.”

Andrew laughs, says, “We were just sorting out our little differences, Nathaniel. Down, boy, no need to attack me.”

“He’s going to play,” Kevin says, earnestly happy in the way that he can only be when drunk. “He gave me his game, just like you and Jean did.”

Andrew sighs loudly. “Boring! That conversation is over now, no need to rehash it for Nathaniel here. What did I say earlier? _No_ exy talk.”

“But – ” Kevin protests, and Andrew shoves a drink into his hand.

“See,” Andrew says, and smiles at Nathaniel. “All is well!”

“Is that why you brought us here?” He asks Andrew.

“Partially,” Andrew replies.

“Oh?”

“And to scare you,” Andrew says, smiling like a shark. “Did it work?”

Nathaniel smiles back, all teeth and danger. “You just tell Nicky that next time he tries to drug me, I’ll cut his tongue out.”

Andrew blinks and goes quiet for a long minute. “Well,” he finally says. “You might be interesting yet.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which nathaniel discusses life with renee, the monsters go shopping, and kevin drinks yet more vodka.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi guys, uhhh i dont really like this chapter? i think the rhythm is off but i gotta get the words out so here we are :) hopefully now that this is written i can focus on my online schoolwork (but probably not lmao). also the line from renee is definitely nora's!

After the adventure at Eden’s, the cousins start giving the three new Foxes rides to practice, and sitting with them in the lounge when Wymack talks. Even Kevin and Andrew are getting along better. Allison and Seth start referring to them all collectively as the monsters (Seth more negatively than Allison). Despite this, Nathaniel tries to make an effort to interact politely with the upperclassmen.

Kevin does not.

“That man,” Seth yells, “is a jackass!”

“Takes one to know one,” Jean says.

“When did you become such an asshole?” Nicky says, staring at him. “Emphasis on the ass, because yours is _fine_.”

Kevin fires back at Seth, “I may be a jackass, but at least I can throw straight!”

Aaron says, “Nicky, shut up.”

Wymack shouts, “You all better shut up and start playing, or you’ll be running laps for the next hour and a half!”

Forty-five minutes later, the entire team is jogging around the inner ring, Wymack standing at the court door and clicking time on a stopwatch every time they pass.

It takes Nathaniel back to his days at Evermore, the long hours he spent running laps there. He instinctively glances around for Kevin and Jean – Jean’s running with Aaron, and Kevin with them and Nicky, although Andrew is absent today due to his weekly counseling. They’re safe, Nathaniel reminds himself. He can see them.

He shakes his head and moves to catch up to Renee, who’s been running at the front of the line with Dan and Matt.

“Hello, Nathaniel,” she says.

Nathaniel motions for them to pass Dan and Matt, and she obligingly speeds up.

“We talked about sparring a while ago,” Nathaniel says.

Renee nods, smiling angelically even as they’re nearly sprinting around the court. “Would you like to do so?”

“I’d like to ask you how you know how to fight.” They pass Wymack. Nathaniel doesn’t ask, _and how do you know about my father?_

Renee is quiet for half a minute or so. Then she says, “I was not born Renee Walker. I was born Natalie Shields, and I was a Detroit Bloodhound.”

Things become slightly clearer to Nathaniel, and he almost stumbles. “You were in a gang?”

Renee gives him a calm look. “Yes. That was where I learned to fight with knives.”

Nathaniel feels like he should take a minute and reexamine everything he knows about Renee Walker. He wonders if that’s why he saw something off in her expression, way back in January. Maybe it was off because it was familiar.

Renee is waiting for a response. She hasn’t yet mentioned his father. Nathaniel doesn’t know if he wants to bring it up.

“Ah,” Nathaniel says. “Does the team know about all of this?”

“Some do, but only Andrew knows everything.” Renee wipes a drop of sweat from her face and gives him a wry look. “I’m not sure you need explanation. I have a feeling you know a lot about these demons.”

Nathaniel nods hesitantly.

Renee looks at him, eyes made of steel. “Do not misunderstand me. I am a bad person trying very hard to be a good one. I am dragging myself out of a shallow grave one day at a time. I know a lot about fighting demons, and it is why Andrew and I understand each other. But while my faith is my salvation, it is not everyone’s.”

Nathaniel’s not sure how to respond to this. He likes Renee, but he’s still unnerved by her. Maybe it’s what she said – ‘one day at a time’. He’s always felt as if his clock is running out of time faster than he can grasp, but she acts as if her clock is infinite.

They run in silence for a minute.

“I will finish by saying this. Should you ever need a hand, I am here. I protect my friends.”

Nathaniel asks, “What if it were the kind of business like you used to do?” He waits for her response.

Renee breathes in deeply. “The Lord understands what we must do for those we love. He forgives.”

Nathaniel wonders if she’s convincing him, or reminding herself. “Alright,” he says.

Renee puts that soft smile back on her face. “Would you like to spar today, or another day?”

“Today is fine. It’s not like I have anything to do.” Then, “So why aren’t you and Andrew dating? The team is betting on it, right?”

“They are,” Renee says. “But I’m not his type.”

“Christian?”

Renee gives him a small laugh. “Female.”

“Huh,” Nathaniel says. He definitely hadn’t expected that. “How many bets are there, exactly?”

“Oh,” Renee says, “Too many.”

After practice, Nathaniel lets Jean and Kevin know that he’s going with Renee. He gets the unique pleasure of riding to Fox Tower (the athlete dorms) in the back of Matt’s truck with the rest of the upperclassmen. Allison and Seth seem a little confused that he’s there, so they mostly ignore him, instead choosing to talk to Renee about one bet or another that Allison has won. When they stop, Nathaniel takes a moment to glance over Fox Tower, where he, Kevin, and Jean will be living come June, when summer practices start.

Renee leads him down to the basement, to an empty study room. It seems as if Andrew and Renee use it regularly – the tables and chairs are shoved to the sides.

“It has been a while,” Nathaniel admits.

“That’s alright,” Renee says, and when he’s ready, she attacks.

Nathaniel quickly realizes that he is out of shape in regards to this kind of fighting. He’s faster and shorter than her, but she is good. She gets him more times than not, and it is a sharp reminder that he needs to be better.

Finally, after checking her phone, Renee says, “Come have dinner with us.”

Nathaniel flops on the floor, already feeling sore. He’s been bruising really easily lately, and he has a feeling that his skin will be all kinds of colors tomorrow. “I’m good,” he says. “I’ll get dinner at Wymack’s.”

“I insist,” Renee says. “Dan already set a plate for you. I think she and Matt are excited to talk to you.”

Nathaniel closes his eyes. He’s not getting out of this one, it seems, so he texts Jean and Kevin where he’ll be for the evening.

The girls’ dorm room is cozy and bright. Neither Allison or Seth are there, but Dan and Matt are laughing together in the kitchen over soup. When they see Renee come through the door, they greet her, and then turn to Nathaniel.

“Glad you’re stopping by,” Dan says, and gives Nathaniel’s shoulder a squeeze as she hands him a bowl of soup. She motions for him to sit and eat, as Renee gets her own bowl. The atmosphere is so unlike any kind of kitchen that Nathaniel has ever been in.

“The monsters been treating you alright?” Matt asks.

“They’re good,” Nathaniel says, and takes a spoonful of soup. It’s chicken soup, which is ok. He can eat that.

“Your trip to Eden’s went fine?” Dan asks, eyes intent.

Nathaniel nods. Another sip of soup. “It was fun.”

Dan snorts. “Now _that’s_ not a word I’d use, but alright.”

“You’ve all gone?” Nathaniel asks.

The three of them nod. Matt clears his throat. “They, uh, got me clean.”

Nathaniel glances at the faded track marks on his arm. “Huh.”

Renee says, “It was well-intentioned on the cousins’ part.”

Dan looks slightly angry. “It was still horrible.”

“It happened,” Matt says, seemingly uncomfortable with how the conversation is going. “And we’re here now.”

Nathaniel steers the conversation away. “Practices are going smoother now.” Exy is always a safe topic.

“Yeah, Andrew and Kevin are fine now, but Seth and Kevin?” Dan winces. “Not sure how to fix that one.”

Matt laughs. “I’m not sure you can fix Seth’s personality.”

“Or Kevin’s,” Nathaniel adds. Dan and Renee both smile at that.

“At least the backline is working,” Matt says. “None of us hate each other, and Aaron partnering up with Jean more often gives me a chance to work with Nicky. He’s not that bad, really, I don’t know who gave him such a wicked shiner.”

Nathaniel takes a sip of soup. The black eye was his fault.

“Yeah,” Dan says. “I’m…I’m hopeful. Jean’s such a solid backliner, and Kevin’s getting there, and Nathaniel, you’re learning so quickly.”

Nathaniel watches how she talks. Dan was the first female captain in NCAA Class I exy, and the public didn’t like her from the start. When the Foxes lost again and again, they tore her to shreds. But here, in the soft light of the kitchen, he can hear hope in her voice. She never gave up on her team, Nathaniel realizes. She’s stronger than he ever was.

“So next year?” Dan finishes. “We got to championships this year, and we didn’t even have you three. I want to get past the fourth match. I want to _win._ ”

“We’ll do our best,” Nathaniel tells her. He just hopes that they can survive long enough to do so.

Matt laughs. “You’re just as obsessed as Kevin, aren’t you? You just hide it better.”

“Hey,” Nathaniel says. “Don’t reveal my secret.” He painstakingly finishes his soup, feeling the weight of Renee’s eyes even as the upperclassmen continue the conversation. “Thank you for dinner, but I should probably get going.”

“Yeah, no problem,” Dan says. “It was nice.” She offers Nathaniel a smile that he returns.

“You don’t have a car?” Matt sounds curious.

“I’ll just run back,” Nathaniel says.

“Dude, I can give you a ride. Wymack’s place is like, right near by, plus it’s dark outside.”

Nathaniel shakes his head. “I’m good, really. I don’t think anyone’s going to hurt me.” He also doesn’t think anyone here _can_ hurt him, at least not too badly.

Matt gives him a look. “I’m gonna give you a ride.”

Nathaniel sighs. “Ok.”

Matt gives him a ride back to Wymack’s, chatting about boxing and exy, and Nathaniel thinks about how small drugs can make people, and how not small Matt is. He thinks about how he always considered Jean and Kevin as brothers more than friends, and how the Foxes (the cousins _and_ the upperclassmen) are beginning to slip through the cracks of his life.

He thinks about friendship, and when Matt pulls up outside of Wymack’s building and gives him a smile, Nathaniel says, “Thank you.”

“No problem,” Matt replies.

* * *

The weeks leading up to the end of the spring semester are, for the most part, uneventful. Nathaniel spars with Renee, and exy practice continues as usual, with the added bonus of the upperclassmen discussing their summer plans, of which Nathaniel, Kevin, and Jean have none. The cousins (who will also be staying on campus over the summer) take them back to Eden’s, and they also take them shopping.

“We’ve got the team card,” Nicky tells Nathaniel gleefully when he expresses concerns about the money.

Nathaniel hesitates. Nicky puts a finger on his lips. “Hush. We are going to make you fine young men _fashionable._ ”

Jean and Nathaniel make eye contact. Jean’s eyes say _this is your fault, not mine._ Nathaniel casually flips him off. Kevin, meanwhile, is rambling about new drills for practice in the background.

“Alright, team,” Nicky says. “I think we need to split up.”

Jean and Aaron quickly disappear, as they tend to do. This leaves Nicky to find clothes for Kevin and Nathaniel, and Andrew to walk with them, riling Kevin up and grinning like a maniac.

When Nicky hands Nathaniel a pile of clothes and ushers him towards the changing room, Nathaniel doesn’t notice that Andrew is following him until he enters the space. “What do you want?” Nathaniel asks Andrew.

“They were boring,” Andrew replies cheerfully.

“You can’t come into the changing room with me.”

“Aw, are you worried you’re going to catch the gay? Don’t worry, it’s not contagious.” Andrew’s smile is mean, but it shows that he knows about Nathaniel’s conversation with Renee.

“That’s not why,” Nathaniel says. “Besides, I told Nicky I don’t swing, and I meant it.”

“You keep saying that. I don’t think that means what you think it means.” Andrew pauses. “Princess bride? Anyone? Nathaniel Wesninski, you are a disappointment.”

“I know,” Nathaniel says.

“Oh, shut up, self-pity is unbecoming on you.”

Nathaniel slams one of the changing stall doors in Andrew’s face. He pulls on the clothes that Nicky had stuffed into his arms, and makes a face at himself in the mirror. The clothes do not flatter him.

Andrew bangs on the door. “Let’s see the pretty princess!”

Nathaniel reluctantly opens the door.

Andrew’s not grinning, really, as he looks up and down Nathaniel’s body.

“Yeah,” Nathaniel starts, “I don’t think – ”

Nicky comes barreling in with Kevin. “Aw, Nathaniel, you look like a snack.”

Nathaniel almost flinches as Nicky starts to ramble, and Andrew yanks a grin right back on his face. Kevin looks at Nathaniel and frowns. He opens his mouth to say something that Nathaniel knows is going to be offensive.

Andrew sees it too, and cuts him off by saying obnoxiously, “What took you so long to blow Kevin?”

Nicky says, “Oh, you know.”

Kevin frowns even harder and says, “I’m not gay.”

Nicky replies, “Kevin, literally everyone in this room is gay.”

“I’m not gay,” Nathaniel repeats, closing the changing room door behind him and pulling off the shirt quickly.

“Please, Nathaniel,” Nicky says. “You’ll win me good money if you turn out gay.”

Kevin’s voice comes, “It’s really not a good idea to be out as a professional athlete.”

To this, Nicky says, “Tell that to Erik.”

And from Andrew, “Good thing I’m not a professional athlete!”

As Kevin sputters, Nathaniel looks in the mirror. He frowns and pokes at his ribcage.

“Come out,” Nicky says through the door. “We probably need to head out soon.”

Nathaniel shakes his head and unlocks the door. “Uh, yeah,” he says. “What about Kevin?”

They walk towards the checkout. “We got him some stuff,” Nicky says. “He knew all his sizes, it was easy.”

“Who’s Erik?” Nathaniel asks curiously when they get in line.

“Oh, my future husband!” Nicky exclaims. “I forgot, you guys haven’t heard about him. He lives in Germany.”

Nathaniel isn’t sure how to respond to this. Kevin is less subtle. “Is he real?”

“What?” Nicky asks. “Yes, he’s real, I stayed with his family on a foreign exchange program my senior year of high school. After high school I went back and lived with him for a while, but then I came back to take care of these little fuckers.” He motions to Andrew, and then goes, “Wait, where’s Aaron?”

Andrew laughs. “Yeah, because you’re doing such a _great_ job taking care of us.”

Nicky’s face twitches. Then, “Oh, there he is. With Jean. And they have clothes. It seems miracles do exist.” To Aaron he asks, “Who picked clothes for Jean? Not you, certainly.”

Aaron says stiffly, “We can both dress ourselves, you know. Like, you do realize we’re actual adults?”

“So you got help from Katelyn,” Nicky deduces. “Well, that’s not too bad.”

Nathaniel has heard about Katelyn before – she’s a cheerleader that Aaron has been dancing around for a while.

Andrew does not like her. “I pity poor Jean.”

Aaron looks irritable. “Can we please leave?”

Back at Wymack’s, Kevin unpacks a lot of dark colored, athletic clothes, and Nathaniel tosses whatever Nicky had bought him in the corner. Jean pulls various pale, pastel clothes out of his bag.

Nathaniel quirks an eyebrow at him.

“They’re good colors,” Jean mutters defensively. Then he throws a lavender-colored headband at Nathaniel. “You’re welcome.”

Kevin says, “Nathaniel, go get some yogurt.”

Nathaniel glares at him. “Not you too.”

Kevin glares right back. “This is going to start affecting your game.”

“There’s no this. I don’t even know what ‘this’ you’re talking about.”

Jean solves the issue by retrieving a yogurt for Nathaniel.

“Also, just for the record, yogurt is not the solution to every problem,” Nathaniel says, stabbing a spoon into it.

It is while they are sitting in silence, Nathaniel eating yogurt and Jean and Kevin pretending they’re not watching every bite, that Wymack walks in. He looks tired, more than he has in a while.

“Hey, kids,” he says. “I’ve got some bad news.”

Nathaniel is immediately on edge. He puts down his spoon.

Wymack sits down and sighs heavily. He says, “The ERC has approved a district transfer.” The bottom drops out of Nathaniel’s stomach. “Come June, Edgar Allan will be in the southeastern district.”

“Fuck,” Nathaniel says.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” Kevin chants.

Wymack grabs Kevin’s shoulders. “Look at me, breathe, Kevin, look at me.”

Kevin starts babbling. “He’s going to kill us. We have to go back, no, Nathaniel, we _have_ to. He’ll pay you for our contracts and he’ll get us back, and maybe we should just go back on our own, maybe he’ll forgive us. If we make him chase us more, he’ll kill us, he’ll – ”

“No,” Wymack snaps. He looks at all three of them, looking on Kevin last. “No. You all signed contracts. You’re ours now. Ours, you hear me? Not his. You’re not going back there.”

“I,” Jean’s voice cracks. “I don’t think I can tell Riko no.”

“Then don’t,” Wymack says. “Don’t say a word. Let Nathaniel talk, let me talk, let fucking Andrew talk, yeah, remember the psychotic midget that promised he’d protect you? Yeah, him.”

Nathaniel breathes through the nausea. He will be strong for Kevin and Jean. Jean’s eyes are dead, dead, dead, and Kevin is having a panic attack. “We’re going to get the Foxes through the death match,” he says. “We’re staying here.” He grabs Jean and drags him into a side-arm hug.

“Breathe, Kevin,” Wymack says. “He can’t take you away from me.”

Kevin breathes. “Ok, I can get them through the match, ok.”

Wymack looks at the three of them. “The ERC is keeping it quiet until June, because the others are leaving in a few days to go off for summer and they understand the security issues this could cause. But you three have to keep it from Andrew. If he snaps and tries to kill someone, the ERC _will_ take him away from us.”

Kevin looks miserable. Jean is a deadweight leaning on Nathaniel’s shoulder. Nathaniel says, “Ok.”

Wymack stands up and walks out of the room for a moment. “Hang on,” he calls from the hallway.

Nathaniel drags Kevin over to him and Jean. Nathaniel puts his forehead against Kevin’s. “Tetsuji’s going to match you and Riko to try to prove to the world that Riko is better. Jean and I are just collateral damage. So you have to do it.”

“What?” Kevin asks, and Jean grunts as Kevin squeezes him.

“Breathe,” Nathaniel orders, “And don’t suffocate Jean.”

“Please,” Jean gasps.

Nathaniel tells them both, “Kevin, you have to get us there. We have to beat the Ravens this year.” He closes his eyes and gives himself a moment to take strength from Jean and Kevin. “We have to. We’re going to survive this.” He hopes that he’s telling the truth.

From the doorway, Wymack says, “He’s right. The ERC approved the transfer because they know that they can get money and interest from this story. So prove Riko wrong. Destroy him, once and for all, like he tried to destroy you.” He shoves a glass of vodka into Kevin’s hand. “It’s time to turn the Foxes into something to fight with.”

“They want to be friends with us,” Nathaniel tells Jean and Kevin. “And Andrew will protect us. Please,” he wraps his arms around both of their shoulders, “please stay.”

Kevin nods and starts drinking.

“Ok,” Jean whispers. “Eat your fucking yogurt.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so yeah hope it was enjoyed! sorry if there's any editing mistakes i may have missed, and also comments are so nice! i love yall


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which nathaniel takes a turn for the worse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey, this is important! this chapter describes in detail some bad eating disorder practices/mentalities! the character thinks they are ok bc that is what eating disorders do to your brain! its not ok! if this might trigger you, please dont read it!

Summer break at Palmetto is an odd experience. Summer at Evermore was almost identical to every other day at Evermore, if only different because Riko and Kevin might’ve been off on some vacation or another. But at Palmetto, summer break is quiet and humid. There’s no team practices, so Kevin, Nathaniel, and Jean go to the court on their own, dragging the cousins with them whenever they can. In return, the cousins take them to Eden’s. As well, Wymack takes the three over to Abby’s for frequent ‘family dinners’, as the cousins are crashing at Abby’s house for the summer. (“You gotta agree that they’re boning,” Nicky says every time.) They watch exy with Wymack, and they spend a lot of time avoiding the thought of what is to come when the rest of the team returns in June for the start of summer practices.

Mid-May, Jean wakes Nathaniel and Kevin earlier than normal. Jean shoves yogurt into Nathaniel’s hand as they run out the door and down to the ground floor, where the cousins are waiting in Andrew’s fancy car. “What the hell,” Kevin says grumpily. “I could be asleep.”

Aaron hands Nathaniel a plastic spoon that he has seemingly procured from nowhere. Nathaniel glares at him, and he glares back.

“Why’re we going to the court this early?” Nathaniel asks, angrily stabbing the yogurt with the spoon. It feels like everyone in the car is watching him eat, and he hates it.

“You’ll see,” Nicky says cryptically.

The short ride is quiet, as both Kevin and Andrew manage to fall asleep. When they arrive, Aaron reaches around Andrew to wake him up. Nathaniel, who has seen Andrew wake up before, climbs almost into Aaron’s lap in order to get away from Andrew’s fists.

“Get off of me, you oaf,” Aaron says, and shoves Nathaniel into Andrew.

“C’mon, get out of the car,” Nicky encourages. The four in the backseat do, making noise and stretching, but Kevin remains fast asleep in the front.

Nathaniel walks around the car, reaches in, and slaps Kevin.

“Fuck you,” Kevin tells him. “Why the fuck are we even here?”

“You’ll like this surprise,” Nicky says. “C’mon, ya lazy ass.”

Nathaniel and Jean exchange an eyeroll as Kevin slowly drags himself to his feet. They walk over to the court doors, which Nicky unlocks and quickly strides through. Then down the halls, through the lounge, and into the changing room.

Nathaniel stops. There’s a locker with his name on it, on the end, next to _Renee Walker #9._ It says _Nathaniel Wesninski_ , and the number is not 3, it is 10. And next to it is _Jean Moreau #11,_ and all the way down the line, next to _Dan Wilds #1_ is _Kevin Day #2._

Jean is smiling, and Nathaniel moves to pull his locker open, and there it all is. His own padding and armor, and practice clothes. A set of home and away uniforms, and a helmet, all orange and white and bearing _Palmetto_ instead of _Edgar Allan._ And underneath his helmet sits a folded jacket. He pulls it out. It’s a violent shade of orange, but it bears his last name and new number, and it says _Foxes_.

Next to him, Jean says, “These are horrible.”

Nathaniel grins at him, recklessly happy for a moment. “You look like a traffic cone.”

Kevin calls to them from the other side of the room, by the stick rack. Nicky pulls it out, and there they are. No longer will the three of them have to use borrowed racquets. Now, they each have two of their own, ordered specifically for them. Nathaniel picks one up and spins it in his hands. It’s lighter than his racquet was at Edgar Allan, due to his change from defense to offense. It feels perfect.

“Junkie,” Andrew tells Nathaniel, who’s smiling. “You’re pathetic.”

Nathaniel looks at him. “You do realize that you also play this sport, right?”

Andrew scoffs. Nathaniel ignores him in favor of hurrying to change into his new gear.

Stepping onto the court in gear that is specifically made for him, on the court that he chose, with a number that is _his,_ not Riko’s, is an experience unlike any other. For a moment, he forgets about the 3 on his cheekbone, and he forgets about Riko and the Moriyamas and his father, and he revels in the feeling of freedom.

On his way past, Andrew cheerily says, “You are _pathetic._ ”

Nathaniel grins at him through his helmet.

Kevin lines them up, Nathaniel with Jean and Andrew at their back, Kevin with Aaron and an empty away goal. Nathaniel and Jean communicate well, like they always have, through unspoken glances and Jean’s appreciation of the speed that Nathaniel has. But Kevin is still a better striker than Nathaniel will ever be, and he manages to get the ball more often than not.

Kevin takes a shot on Andrew, who slams it back up the court. This is a move that Nathaniel is beginning to adapt to – Andrew slams the ball up the court and Nathaniel is running for it before anyone else has even moved. It’ll come in handy during games, Nathaniel thinks, even as he twists around Aaron and scoops up the ball, automatically counting his ten steps. He rebounds off the wall of the court, and Aaron sneaks in to snatch the ball from him.

Nathaniel growls and spins back around, heading for Aaron. He checks him, and they battle for possession.

“You’re getting better,” Kevin tells Nathaniel when they finally break for dinner. Nathaniel nods in response, drinking from a water bottle. “There’s still a lot of progress to go, though.”

“Hey,” Aaron calls from the front of the locker room. “Move it, Nicky and Andrew are already in the car.”

Nathaniel rolls his eyes, finishing putting his gear back in his locker. He pulls his jacket on, his hair still damp from a quick shower. As they hurry to the car, Kevin and Nathaniel continue to discuss their playing.

At the car, they perform the daily magic trick of stuffing six people into a car only designed for five.

“One of these days we’re going to get pulled over,” Jean says, and promptly gets yelled at by Nicky about ‘not jinxing it’.

Dinner at Abby’s house is a crowded affair. There’s exclamations of “Andrew Joseph Minyard!” as Andrew cackles and dips his fingers into the sauce that Abby is stirring, licking them and running away. There’s Nicky’s one-man discussions of who on the team has the best ass, smacking each of the boys (although he’s got enough self preservation not to whack Andrew) and ignoring the various complaints that he receives. There’s Kevin and Wymack’s quiet conversations in the corner, talking about nothing and everything as Wymack grills steak. Abby watches them happily, and Aaron mutters to Nathaniel and Jean, “For once in his life, I think Nicky’s right about them banging.” To this, Nathaniel and Jean both make faces.

When they sit down to eat, Kevin keeps up his conversation with Wymack, discussing exy and drills for the upcoming season. Nicky happily chatters away at Aaron and Andrew, both experts at tuning him out.

Nathaniel doesn’t engage in either conversation. He stares at his plate, takes vegetables first, then part of a piece of steak, knowing if he doesn’t someone will yell at him. He doesn’t know when dinner became so difficult. He takes small bites, and he hates that he can feel eyes on him, both Jean’s and Aaron’s.

The only time he glances up during dinner, he sees Andrew’s eyes quickly flick away from him. A confusing moment, since Andrew shouldn’t care. As with most things regarding Andrew, Nathaniel files it away for further observation, and continues trying to stomach small bites of steak.

They bow out of dinner earlier than usual. Wymack and Abby don’t care too much about what the cousins get up to at Eden’s, although Nathaniel has a feeling that they don’t know all of it. But Abby waves them away from the table, saying nothing more than, “Be safe, please!”

“Yes, mom,” Nicky says.

The cousins change in their room, and then drive over to Wymack’s building so that Nathaniel, Kevin, and Jean can change, too. Kevin complains briefly about spending a night in Columbia when they could practice tomorrow, but someone hits him and he finally quiets down when both twins fall asleep.

Nathaniel steals Nicky’s phone and takes a picture of Aaron passed out on Jean’s shoulder. It distracts him from the food rolling around in his stomach, heavy and nauseating.

Halfway to Columbia, Andrew pukes.

Kevin says, “Just take your meds.” The times they’ve gone to Eden’s since that chaotic first meeting, Andrew’s been on his meds, but evidently this time he has something to do.

Andrew glares at him. “Fuck you.”

The rest of the trip to Sweetie’s is silent.

Once they arrive, Nicky pokes Nathaniel. “Assuming you’re out on crackers?”

Nathaniel nods, and Jean does too. Nicky pouts. “You boys spoil all my fun. C’mon, Nathaniel, wouldn’t things be more enjoyable with a little dust?”

“You sound like you want to rape them,” Aaron points out bluntly.

Nathaniel tunes out of the conversation at this point, sitting squished between Kevin and Andrew. He watches Andrew, slumped in his seat. When the ice cream and crackers arrive, Andrew takes only one packet of crackers, and then digs into his ice cream.

The rest of the crackers vanish into Nicky’s pockets, and he winks when he sees Nathaniel watching. “If you change your mind, we could have some fun.”

Nicky flinches as someone obviously jabs him in the side, and Andrew growls, “Shut _up_ , Nicky.”

They don’t remain at Sweetie’s long, heading for Eden’s Twilight soon enough. They skip the line as usual, and Andrew throws his salute at the bouncers as they walk in.

This time, they start drinking almost immediately, knocking back shots filled with dust. Jean is the exception, but he still looks like he’s going to be pretty smashed by the time the night ends.

Eventually, Andrew disappears, supposedly to get more drinks. Kevin, Aaron, and Jean are laughing about something, matching each other drink for drink, and Nathaniel is watching in amusement.

Nicky gasps over-exaggeratedly. “Nathaniel!”

This is going to be bad _,_ Nathaniel thinks. “Yes, Nicky?”

Nicky says, “I saved a cookie for you, since you didn’t have ice cream!” He giggles and shoves it in Nathaniel’s face.

Nathaniel’s stomach rolls. The cookie is large, filled with chocolate chips. “No, Nicky,” he says, shoving it away, but it’s already touched his lips.

“C’mon,” Nicky urges, “you gotta eat it now.”

Kevin, Aaron, and Jean have disappeared. Possibly in search of Andrew, who has yet to come back. Nathaniel looks at the cookie. He hates himself for the simultaneous feelings in the pit of his stomach – a desire to devour it but also a terror at the calories it must contain.

Nicky breaks off a piece and starts hand-feeding him, laughing all the while.

Nathaniel snaps and takes it from him, eating it quickly.

“See, look!” Nicky exclaims. “That wasn’t too bad!”

Nathaniel’s stomach is rolling and his mind is spinning. No Kevin and Jean around to see him. He staggers to his feet. “I’ll, uh, be right back.”

Nicky waves him with one hand, taking a drink from the table and downing it.

Nathaniel hurries through back hallways, rushing to find the bathroom. He collides with someone, but he doesn’t stay around long enough to hear the “Nathaniel?” that almost contains emotion.

He finds a bathroom, miraculously empty, and he quickly locks one of the stall doors before he’s on the ground, shoving two fingers down his throat to get the cookie back up.

It’s absolutely disgusting. He’d done it once, in the Nest, when he thought Riko had drugged him, but he’s never done it for this reason. _Bulimia._ He knows the word, but he refuses to admit that it applies to him. He’s never done this before.

His life is about control, and this is anything but.

In trying to get up every last horrible calorie, he doesn’t hear the door open until someone knocks on the stall. Nathaniel flinches violently. “One second,” he calls, voice shaking.

When he opens the door and finds Andrew there, he almost throws up again. This is a nightmare. “I was just, something I ate at Abby’s disagreed with me and – ”

“ _Don’t_ lie to me.” Andrew’s voice snaps like a whip.

Nathaniel gathers every last bit of strength. “I’m not.”

Andrew raises his fist, and then breathes and lowers it. His hand is trembling, and there is something in his eyes. “Nathaniel,” he says calmly, “what were you doing?”

Nathaniel refuses to accept that there is sadness in Andrew Minyard’s eyes. He stands straight, gaining strength back as his mind rewrites the last ten minutes. Yes, he lost control when he ate, but his mind convinces him of this – he gained it back when he purged the cookie. “I’m _fine_ ,” he says, trying to inject venom into his voice.

Andrew’s eye twitches. “Three strikes,” he says, blocking the door when Nathaniel tries to get out. “A truth for a truth, little rabbit.”

“What?”

Instead of clarifying, Andrew slides his ever-present black armbands off and sets them on the bathroom counter. Nathaniel looks at them, catches a glimpse of himself in the mirror (puffy eyes from crying and red fingers with teeth marks at the knuckle) and flinches. He looks at Andrew’s arms instead.

He blinks. They are crisscrossed with scars. Cat scratch scars, the kind of scars that make people ask questions.

“We all do dreadful things for control,” Andrew says, voice bored and bland, although his eyes tell a different story. “Now, you’ll tell me the truth. What just happened?”

Nathaniel swallows, grimaces at the taste in his mouth. “What do you think.” Andrew’s wrong. He was fixing what he’d ruined by eating the cookie. He was strong, bringing it back up. That was control, because he has control.

He doesn’t want to say it out loud.

Andrew doesn’t have any such qualms. “You were throwing up.”

Nathaniel is suddenly, irrationally, exhaustedly, angry. “Thanks,” he spits. “Yeah, thanks so much for letting me know.”

Andrew steps in front of him. “You are losing muscle mass,” he says. It is as calm as if he were remarking on the weather.

Nathaniel laughs bitterly. “Thanks for the _concern,_ but I’m fine.” And this time, he shoves past Andrew, forcing his way out the door.

* * *

Nathaniel refuses to admit that Andrew is right. He’s walking a line, but he’s been walking this line for years. He knows how much food he needs to put into his body so that he doesn’t pass out at practice. (Riko punished Jean if he didn’t.) And, well, maybe he’s eating less now than he did in the Nest, but there is also less exy at Palmetto in the summer than there was at the Nest in the summer. And soon will come the news of the ERC transfer, and maybe this is Nathaniel’s own private apocalypse. He needs the control. He thinks about the mantra from the Nest: lighter, faster, enough to protect, and he skips breakfast.

Nathaniel is fine.

He and Andrew barely speak for a couple weeks. During his manic happy days, he barely spares Nathaniel a look, retreating back to the dance of sharp words they’d exchanged when they first met.

Nathaniel pushes himself harder and harder when they do practice, ignoring Jean’s looks of wary concern, Kevin’s hesitant attempts to tell him that “sometimes taking a break is ok”. He starts changing out last, because he feels eyes on his ribcage whenever he takes off his shirt.

Soon, it is June, and suddenly they are preparing to move into Fox Tower, for the rest of the team to get back, for summer practices to start. And, unfortunately, one of the first things that has to happen is his physical. It’s one of the last days before the upperclassmen start returning, and so they all take off practice that day, chilling at the court as Abby calls them back one by one.

Andrew pops Nathaniel in the head. “Your turn,” he says, smiling with a lot of teeth.

Nathaniel walks back, thinking about how soon Andrew is going to find out about the district change.

“Hey, Nathaniel,” Abby says, smiling at him and then looking back down at her papers. “This should be pretty quick and easy, just a check-up. Got some bloodwork involved, too, so I can’t let you on the court until you’ve slept off the bloodwork.” Nathaniel is nodding along, until he hears her say, “We’ll start with height and weight.”

This isn’t going to go well, Nathaniel thinks.

When he steps on the scale and the number appears, Abby makes a variety of faces. “Now, Nathaniel,” she starts.

“Can we just keep going,” Nathaniel interrupts.

“No,” Abby says, and there’s something stern in her voice, and Nathaniel remembers that she c _hose_ to be the nurse for this team of broken kids. She looks down at her chart. “Now, Nathaniel, at five foot three, weighing one hundred twelve pounds puts you within the range of an acceptable BMI. But as an incredibly athletic person, it is advised that you ensure you are getting the proper nutritional requirements to keep your body functioning as we move into practices. And it will be especially important as we move into the season in the fall. As your nurse, I may even advise increasing your daily food intake, in an effort to give yourself more energy.”

“Ok,” Nathaniel says. “Can we move on?”

Abby reluctantly says, “Ok.”

The next day, it’s just Kevin and Nathaniel at the court. They’ll move into Fox Tower tomorrow, but for today, they practice, because Kevin is on edge. This is why Jean made himself scarce, as Nathaniel probably should’ve done. Because tomorrow, the ERC will release news about the district change.

Finally, Kevin is done. “You can’t do this right,” he tells Nathaniel.

“Thanks,” Nathaniel says. “I know.” He leans down to pick up the ball and gets intensely light-headed.

Kevin must see him shake, because he bites out, “Great. That’s just great! We’re done for today.” He storms off the court.

Nathaniel doesn’t even know what just happened. He practices rebound shots, firing from different angles, until the court door slams open.

It’s Andrew, without gear or a racquet. “When Kevin walked by, I thought maybe you weren’t this stupid,” Andrew calls, smiling. “I do so hate being wrong.”

Nathaniel leans on his racquet, trying to keep the stars from his eyes. “What the fuck do you want?”

“Well, Kevin called me to come pick up the two of you, except he doesn’t want you running back to Wymack’s. So here I am.”

“Just leave,” Nathaniel says. “Kevin’s just mad.”

“Are you going to _apologize_?” Andrew asks mockingly.

“I don’t apologize for what I do to survive.”

“This,” Andrew motions to Nathaniel’s body with a laugh. “This is not surviving.” He grabs Nathaniel’s helmet. “Should I even call you a rabbit if you don’t eat?”

“I eat,” Nathaniel mutters. He’s so tired. When his racquet falls out from under him, and he falls with it, he’s not even surprised.

He doesn’t hit the court floor. Andrew catches him.

“You’re going to die,” Andrew tells him. “I’m going to eat a sandwich over your grave.”

Nathaniel struggles to pull his helmet off his head. “I’m fine.”

“Have you eaten today?” Andrew asks cruelly. “Didn’t think so. Nathaniel, Nathaniel, such a liar. You’ve been lying from the beginning. What happened to destroying Riko? Where’d your fight go?”

There’s so much contempt in his voice, and yet he’s still holding Nathaniel up. Andrew helps him stand, and for a moment he has a flash to another world – one where he can lean on Andrew, dependable and strong.

“I promised you protection,” Andrew says. “I can’t protect you from yourself. Are you going to make a liar of me?”

Nathaniel looks at Andrew and thinks about those scars on his arms, under the armbands. As if Andrew knows the hole he’s fallen into, and somehow he’s still standing here.

_A truth for a truth._

“No,” Nathaniel whispers. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this isnt great. it was hard for me to write, but i needed to get the words out of my head. however its also one am, sooo if there are any editing/ooc mistakes, that may be why lmao. also your guys comments make me super happy <333


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which the upperclassmen return, and the district change is announced.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aight yall this aint as much as it normally is? but its what ive got for now, even if i feel like the endings off and its a little all over the place. im also a little off tonight, so theres that too sorry guys :/ hope you enjoy anyway!

“Hey, buddy!” Matt says, grabbing Nathaniel and crushing his small frame into a hug.

“Hi, Matt,” Nathaniel says, resigned to being squished. Matt lets him go twenty seconds later, and then he goes for Jean.

“Oh, no,” Jean says.

It’s June 10. The day the upperclassmen are coming back from summer break, the day that practice starts, the day that the district change is being revealed. The day they’re moving into Fox Tower.

The Foxes live on the third floor. Matt walks up with Nathaniel and Jean, who were kicked out of their room by Kevin.

“So you three are rooming together?” Matt asks.

“Yes,” Jean replies.

“Oof,” Matt says to Jean. “I’m sorry.”

“Hey,” Nathaniel says.

“Thank you,” Jean tells Matt. “I do my best.”

“You know, you didn’t used to be this sarcastic. I think Aaron is a bad influence on you.”

“I think that Aaron is not the only reason,” Jean says dryly, giving Nathaniel a look.

Matt is watching them with amusement.

Their room is next to the cousins’ room. The cousins have already moved in, their stuff all laid out.

“Hey, stranger,” Nicky says to Matt. “How was rich people land?”

“Ha,” Matt says. “You guys get up to much trouble while we were gone?”

“We were perfect angels,” Andrew says through the open doorway.

Matt snorts. “Believe it when I see it.” Then, “Well, I’m going to go enlist Seth to help me move all the furniture up, and then I gotta go pick up the girls from the airport. You guys all good?”

Nathaniel and Jean look at each other, then nod. “Thanks, though,” Nathaniel says to Matt.

Matt flashes them a friendly grin. “No problem! It’s gonna be epic now, all of us living here and starting practices as the whole team.” He ventures off back down the hallway, whistling.

Their new dorm room is surprisingly spacious. Going through the door leads to a front room, with desks and a TV that Kevin has acquired from somewhere, predictably to watch exy on. There’s also a kitchenette, and a short hallway that leads to the bathroom and bedroom. The bedroom has a bed with storage space under it, and a bunk bed. Nathaniel has already claimed the top bunk, and his jacket hangs off a desk in the front room.

“Ouch,” Kevin says, banging his head as he tries to get the TV plugged into the wall.

“Did you steal that?” Jean asks.

Kevin frowns at him. “Where would I steal a TV?”

Jean says, “We’re going to leave now.” He grabs Nathaniel’s arm.

“Yeah,” Kevin calls, “Thanks for the help!”

“Maybe he won’t be able to set it up,” Jean says hopefully.

“We wouldn’t be able to watch exy then,” Nathaniel points out.

Jean rolls his eyes. They walk into the cousins’ room. Andrew’s sitting on a desk, smoking a cigarette next to an open window, and Aaron and Nicky are sitting on bean bags in the front room, playing a video game.

“Jean!” Aaron exclaims without taking his eyes off the screen. “Come switch out with Nicky, I want to beat you at this.”

“Awesome,” Jean says dryly. Nicky, with much protesting, gets kicked out of his bean bag chair.

Nathaniel walks over to Andrew. He stands next to him, breathing in the cigarette smoke for a minute. It’s a memory of a bright spot in his painful childhood – his mother.

Andrew doesn’t speak, but he acknowledges him. After what happened on the court, they’ve moved back towards their odd friendship. Nathaniel is glad for it.

Andrew hops down from his desk, putting out the cigarette. He walks to the kitchenette and hands Nathaniel an apple.

Nathaniel is less glad for the fact that Andrew has started ensuring someone is present for every meal he eats. Ensuring that Nathaniel doesn’t skip meals, or bring them back up. It’s only been a few days, and his body is already becoming a cage.

“ _Shit_!” Jean yells in French.

“Watch your language, naughty boy,” Nicky tells him.

“Stop being so creepy,” Aaron tells Nicky. “Ha! Got you!” Jean makes a noise of distress.

Andrew motions towards the apple.

Nathaniel says and reluctantly bites into the apple.

Andrew grins, moving frenetically. “You’ve declared your major as math?”

Nathaniel shrugs. “I’m good with numbers.”

Andrew sighs heavily. “So predictable.” With standard short attention span, he looks over at the TV screen. “Jean, Jean, Jean Valjean, you are losing.”

“Thanks,” Jean says. “I know.”

“Jean Valjean?” Nathaniel asks, obviously missing another reference.

Nicky starts singing. “Look down, look down, don’t look him in the eye – ”

A book arcs across the room to smack him in the face.

Nathaniel glances at Andrew, who’s grinning. “Les Mis,” Andrew says. “Les Misérables. The miserables.”

Aaron makes a noise. “I win.”

Andrew takes Jean’s controller, who sighs and stands up.

“Oh, bitch,” Aaron says.

They occupy their time playing video games until Renee pokes her head into the room.

“Joan of Exy,” Andrew greets her, even as he smashes past Aaron’s character onscreen.

“Dan says we ought to head to the stadium,” she says. “And also that Kevin appears to have died.”

“What the fuck did he do?” Nathaniel asks.

“Go take care of your baby,” Andrew says flippantly.

“We’ll drive you,” Nicky tells Nathaniel and Jean. “Just go grab Kevin.”

“Or don’t,” Andrew says.

Nathaniel and Jean slip out, back to their room, where Kevin is laying on the floor.

“What the fuck?” Nathaniel asks again. Then, “Kevin, it’s time to go to the court.”

Kevin is up and on his feet in record time.

“I hate you both,” Jean tells them as they rejoin the cousins and head downstairs to Andrew’s car. Andrew unlocks the doors and climbs into the driver’s seat, and Kevin quickly jumps into the passenger seat.

They drive to the court fast, but the upperclassmen still beat them there. As the car spills out all six of them, Dan frowns. “Is that – ”

“Legal?” Andrew asks cheerfully. “Not at all!”

Dan sighs. She offers smiles to the rest of them, dimming as she scans around and realizes she’s missing two members of her team. “Where are Seth and Allison?”

“Hopefully dead in a ditch,” Nicky mutters.

Dan’s smile is replaced by a dirty look.

“Let’s go inside,” Renee says.

They walk in all together, into the lounge. Matt, Dan, and Renee flop down onto their usual couch, and so do Andrew and Nicky. Kevin takes the seat next to Andrew, and Aaron and Jean sit down at their feet.

“Hold on,” Aaron says. He’s staring at the opposite wall, which is covered in pictures of the team. “Who the fuck took that?”

Nathaniel glances over as he sits down next to Jean, and smirks. It’s the one he took of Aaron passed out on Jean’s shoulder.

“Aw,” Matt says, “That’s actually kind of adorable.”

Nicky laughs. Aaron shoots him a glare.

Nathaniel looks closer. Surprisingly, that’s not the only new picture up. The walls, other than the one with the TV, are covered in pictures of the Foxes. Some are official, but most have obviously been taken on each other’s phones. There’s lots of the upperclassmen, and a whole corner dedicated to Dan, Allison, and Renee. But somehow, there’s pictures of Andrew’s lot, too. The picture of Aaron asleep on Jean’s shoulder, a selfie from Nicky of him grinning drunkenly in front of Kevin, Aaron, and Jean, all passed out on the floor of the Columbia house. There’s a picture of Andrew grinning manically as he wields his exy racquet like a sword, and a blurry photo of what looks like Kevin talking animatedly in the back of the car, except his hands are flashing perilously close to Nathaniel and Aaron’s faces.

And there’s a picture of Nathaniel, Kevin, and Jean, standing in front of the court doors. Nathaniel doesn’t know when it was taken, but they’re wearing their practice jerseys, lined up in a row – _02, 10, 11_ – and the orange stands out starkly against the brightly lit court.

Nathaniel wonders if this is what it’s like to belong somewhere.

He’s pulled out of his thoughts by the arrival of Allison and Seth, walking in with Abby and Wymack.

“Hey, maggots,” Wymack says. “Glad you’re all still alive.” Did his eyes flick to Nathaniel, or is Nathaniel just overanalyzing? “Abby’s got papers for you to fill out. Practice starts tomorrow at 8:30. Enjoy it, because once school starts we’re moving it to 6. We _will_ begin at the gym. If a single one of you comes here instead of the gym, I’ll put one of Allison’s heels through your head. Andrew’s lot has already done physicals, so you upperclassmen need to get through those. Seth, you’re first. Get them done so we can practice. Now, first thing up is that I’ve got our schedule.”

“Already?” Matt asks. “That’s fast.”

Jean closes his eyes next to Nathaniel. Nathaniel scoots closer to him. He wants to say, _take my strength. Andrew was wrong. I still have fight left._

“Yeah,” Wymack says, and sighs. “The ERC’s made some changes, and things are going to be very different this season. They’re trying to control it, make sure it doesn’t get ugly, but I think it will. Specifically with us.”

Seth laughs. “That’s cool. Glad our luck can get even worse.”

Dan says, “Can it get worse? There was already vandalization, and all those prank calls.”

Allison examines her nails. “That time the police got called on us.”

“Yeah,” Nicky says. “That was funny, what with the whole death threats thing. If we get more, I think they should be directed to Seth.”

“Shut up, all of you,” Wymack says. “It’s going to get worse. Edgar Allan will be in our district this year.”

The room goes dead silent. Kevin is stiff, Jean’s eyes still closed. Nathaniel breathes in. He’s still got fight left in him.

“Not funny,” Allison says.

“But true.” Andrew is looking at Kevin. He’s smiling sharply, all teeth. “Sounds like the king misses his court.”

Kevin just says, “They shouldn’t have approved it.” He sounds small.

Wymack starts explaining about the ERC’s decision, all the publicity that will come with it, but Andrew’s still smiling, deranged and violent. Nicky and Aaron are looking at him like he’s a bomb about to go off, like they want to get away and yet they can’t help but stay and watch the explosion.

“You knew,” Andrew says.

“Let us stay.” Kevin is looking down at his hand, at the jagged scar that runs across it. “That’s all I ask.”

Andrew looks at Nathaniel for just a minute, as he says, “I promised, didn’t I?”

Their first conversation in Andrew’s car. He told Nathaniel he would help. He promised protection to Jean and Kevin, yes, but with unspoken words, he’d promised to help destroy Riko.

Nathaniel gives Andrew a smile in return, and feels more like himself than he has in days.

“There will be twice the amount of campus security,” Wymack says, and he looks around sternly. “I want all of you to save their number to your phone. When the ERC officially tells everyone, things are going to change. I want you all to stay safe, and not be stupid. Now, and then.”

“Yes, Coach,” everyone says.

Wymack looks around at all of them. “Well, that’s all I’ve got.”

The room dissolves into a storm of chaos, of which Andrew is the eye. He’s still grinning.

“ _What is it they say_?” Jean mumbles in French, almost to himself.

“ _What_?” Nathaniel asks him.

“ _We’re all so fucked,_ ” Jean says.

* * *

The first couples weeks of summer practice go…not horribly.

Nathaniel sees what Dan had talked about, on that evening back April. They are split into two groups, but it is not irreparable. As captain, Dan commands everyone’s respect, and Andrew’s group can find ways to work with the upperclassmen.

Well, except Seth. The cousins and Kevin still hate Seth with a passion. When he’s not fighting with Allison, he fights with them. And even when he is fighting with Allison, throwing insults at her across the court, he’s still casually vicious to Andrew’s group.

Unfortunately, Kevin’s next bad idea is night practices. His thought is that now that they’re moved into the dorm, Wymack can’t stop them from going to the court at night for extra practices, much like they often did back in the Nest.

When Kevin brings this up, Jean says, “Fuck no.” He looks tired, and Nathaniel quiets Kevin when he tries to argue.

But when they go to leave, Andrew steps out of his room. “Where do you think you’re going.”

Nathaniel doesn’t have a good response. Kevin fumbles through an answer that leaves Andrew glaring.

“How did you know we were even leaving?” Nathaniel asks.

“Jean texted me,” Aaron says, poking his head out of the doorway. “And he has a point. It’s ten in the fucking night.”

“Traitor,” Nathaniel mutters.

“We need to get better,” Kevin is saying, moving his hands emphatically. He has a tendency to talk like that, with lots of motion, and Nathaniel takes the smallest step away from him.

“Fine,” Andrew cuts him off. “But Nathaniel needs a snack before we go.”

“Wait – ”

“Yes,” Kevin agrees quickly.

Andrew and Kevin force-feed Nathaniel a protein bar.

At the stadium, they warm up and start doing Raven drills, throwing and shooting. Andrew passes out on one of the benches, and Nathaniel falls back into the rhythm of practice.

It’s quiet, without their other teammates shouting at each other. It’s dim outside the light of the court, and Nathaniel focuses on the sound of the ball bouncing off the walls, the feel of his racquet in his hands. Without realizing it, he and Kevin slip into French, calling passes and critique to each other in the quiet language of the Nest.

Finally, Andrew bangs against the court wall. Kevin and Nathaniel freeze. Nathaniel can tell that Kevin was almost back at Evermore, and seeing Andrew yanks him out of it.

“We’re leaving now,” Andrew says in a tone that brooks no argument.

Nathaniel drops his arms, suddenly realizing how tired he is. He reluctantly accepts that the boost of energy the protein bar gave him was necessary, and from Andrew’s side look, he gathers he noticed.

“He’s going to practice with us, someday,” Kevin tells Nathaniel in the locker room.

“If you say so,” Nathaniel replies.

Night practices become a daily occurrence. Jean is proven right – Nathaniel hates waking up at 7:45 for practice after not going to sleep until past 2. But he’s getting better. He can feel it.

Andrew and Jean ensure that Nathaniel eats at least two meals per day, and Kevin forces Nathaniel to have a snack before they leave for night practices. He hates the extra food, sometimes so much he can hardly breathe, but it’s also moving him past the block he’d reached in his training as a striker.

He breathes. He gets better. He eats apples, and yogurt.

Finally, when he can’t stand it, he steps on the scale in the bathroom. Jean finds him staring at the number (one hundred and thirteen point five) and, in a rare show of initiative, opens the window and tosses it out. He looks Nathaniel in the eyes as they hear it crash to the ground three stories below.

Nathaniel breathes. He eats the strawberries and protein bars given to him. He gets better. On the bad days, he thinks, _my body is a cage._ On the good days, he thinks, _there is still fight left in me._

Team practices continue to establish a hierarchy that is markedly different from last year. Aaron cares more about exy now as he plays with Jean, and as Jean (by way of Nathaniel) starts reaching out to the upperclassmen, Aaron reluctantly does too. Andrew remains apart, but Nicky hesitantly jokes around with the upperclassmen at practice, with the exception of Seth.

Things are almost going well, until the time comes for the ERC to officially announce the district change.

Wymack calls Dan, who tells Matt, who pokes his head to tell Nathaniel, Kevin, and Jean. Kevin sprints into the cousins’ room. And there it is, the channel already set to ESPN. The anchormen are talking over each other, debating all the possibilities of the upcoming exy season. They’re engrossed in the discussion, tossing theories and laughing, as if it’s all a joke.

Nathaniel hates that. That for them, it’s just a game, and not a matter of life or death.

Kevin’s phone lights up. He looks at it, and then drops it, like it’s on fire. “ _Shit,_ ” he whispers in French. “ _Fuck._ ”

Everyone in the room looks to him. Nathaniel looks at the phone.

_Unknown Number: see you on the court_

“God,” Nathaniel says. “He was always a dramatic motherfucker.”

“What are we going to do?” Kevin is halfway to a panic attack already.

“Nothing,” Nathaniel says. He meets Andrew’s eyes, daring him. Proving him wrong. “We’re going to stay right here.”

“Finally,” Andrew says gleefully. “A spine. Maybe things will start getting interesting around here.”

Nicky is staring at them, dead silent for once.

All Aaron has to say is, “The fucking yakuza wasn’t already interesting enough? What the hell is wrong with you all?”

Jean laughs. It’s a cracked sound. “You’re part of this, too. None of us can get out now.”

“Fuck this entire sport,” Aaron says, and for once in his life, Kevin looks like he agrees.

Nathaniel breathes. He will get better. And then he is going to tear Riko’s castle down. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading! leave a comment if you liked it, comments make me very happy :) stay safe and at home, im gonna go read a book now lmao


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which nathaniel discovers a hatred of psychiatrists, and school begins.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was going to be a lot longer? but i split it in half so theres more next chapter. uhh, i feel like this chapter is kinda mediocre im sorry :( but i hope you guys enjoy it! promise more action in the next one!

The end of July and the start of August are a blur. There is a lot of training, the district change reminding Kevin that neither he nor Nathaniel are good enough yet. Nathaniel starts sparring with Renee again, which Andrew acknowledges with a laugh and Nathaniel acknowledges with a lot more bruises.

One day, as he walks into the girls’ room to ask Renee about just that, he finds something unexpected.

Jean is sitting on the floor of the girls’ living room, Renee painting his hair with something. He’s surrounded by Allison and Dan, and Matt is rummaging around in the kitchen.

“Well,” Nathaniel says. “Here I thought you’d been running away to Aaron.”

Jean looks down. “It was gonna be a surprise,” he mumbles.

Nathaniel figures sparring’s out of the question, so he carefully sits down on the couch next to Dan. “Are you dyeing it?”

Allison points to the little bowls by Renee’s knees. “Your French boy has a nice vibe going with the undercut. She’s gonna bleach the top so that the dye will stay in better, then put the color in.”

Renee smiles up at Nathaniel. “I’ve done it plenty of times, don’t worry.”

“I wasn’t. I guess I should’ve expected this when you gave me that lavender headband,” Nathaniel says to Jean.

Allison gasps. “You have a lavender headband and you don’t wear it? French boy is right, that would be absolutely adorable.”

“I wear it to practice,” Nathaniel points out.

“Should wear it once school starts,” Allison says. “You and your French boy will look fine as all hell.”

Dan laughs. “And Kevin.”

“Mm,” Allison says. “It’s the dreamy team.”

Dan says, “That didn’t really work.”

“Yeah, it sounded better in my head.”

Jean looks like he’s in pain.

Renee stops and makes a considering noise. “Alli?” She asks.

Allison leans over. “Are you leaving the roots dark?”

Jean and Renee both nod. Renee says, “I guess we’ll put a timer on now.”

“Speaking of,” Dan says to Nathaniel. “Where is Kevin?”

“He’s with Andrew.” He’d left Kevin in the cousins’ room watching reruns of old exy games, Andrew smoking a cigarette in the corner. He knows that Kevin doesn’t like being left alone any more than he or Jean do.

Dan and Allison look at each other. Dan starts, “Is there…”

Allison asks bluntly, “Are they fucking?”

Jean chokes, which he tries to disguise as a cough.

“No,” Nathaniel says, thinking about a certain former Raven backliner. “No, definitely not.”

“Fuck,” Allison says. “ _Fuck_. Don’t,” she says to Dan, who looks positively gleeful. Allison yanks her wallet out of her jeans and hands Dan a bill.

Jean is staring at her in confusion. “How do you manage to carry your wallet when your jeans are so tight?”

Allison crows, and Dan sighs in frustration, handing her the bill back. “Thank you,” Allison says to Jean, who now just looks embarrassed.

Nathaniel meets Renee’s eyes. She’s smiling. “Is betting the only thing that brings this team together?”

Neither Allison nor Dan respond to this, but Nathaniel has a feeling he hit the nail on the head. Instead, they ask him about school, the classes he’s taking in the upcoming year. Jean listens, and occasionally asks questions of his own.

“Wait,” Nathaniel says, interrupting what Dan was saying. “What’d you just say?”

“In a week or two we’ll have to have our semester appointments with Dobson? That’s standard,” Dan says.

“The counselor that Andrew sees?” Nathaniel asks carefully.

“Well, she’s the team psychiatrist.”

“They think we’re going to break,” Allison says. “Then the school will lose their investments. Not that we’ve exactly been a good investment, so far.”

“This year,” Dan says, like a promise.

Renee’s phone goes off. She picks up another bowl.

“What color are you doing?” Nathaniel asks curiously.

Jean looks down. Renee nudges him. “Purple,” he finally says.

Inwardly, Nathaniel thinks, _this is going to piss Riko off._ Outwardly, he says, “It’ll look good.”

Kevin is immensely surprised when Jean comes back to the dorm with a shock of violet hair. Nathaniel takes a picture of the fish-face that he makes and swears to Nicky he’ll put it on the wall at the court.

Unfortunately, as the start of school draws closer, the mandatory meetings with Betsy arrive. Nathaniel has never had to see a therapist before, but the idea of baring one’s soul to someone who’s only listening because they’re being paid is despicable. He doesn’t know how Andrew’s been doing it for so long.

He, along with Renee and Jean, are the last to get called up through the morning by Wymack. Renee meets Andrew at the goal before she jogs off the court, but Nathaniel’s too far away to hear what she says. After freshening up, she greets Jean and Nathaniel outside of the locker rooms, and she’s holding the keys to Andrew’s fancy car.

“He lets you drive?” Nathaniel asks, because if there’s one thing Nathaniel’s noticed, it’s that Andrew only lets two people drive – Nicky, and himself.

Renee merely smiles and unlocks the car. She talks to Jean on the way across campus, while Nathaniel tries to come up with a convincing-enough story that won’t allow Betsy Dobson to find the cracks.

The medical center is busy, what with school starting so soon, but they’re the only ones waiting in front of the plaque that says _Betsy Dobson._ Jean goes first. He walks out looking a little shell-shocked, and motions for Renee to go in. As they wait, Nathaniel realizes that Jean seems like he has something he wants to say. It takes him a few minutes to build up to it, but when he does, it’s not at all what Nathaniel thought it would be.

“I’m going to come back,” Jean says.

Nathaniel looks at Jean, with his purple hair and his blue tank top. “Why, you’re going through a rebellious phase.”

Jean rolls his eyes, looking less meek. “I’m going to come back,” he says again, more confidently this time.

“I’m not stopping you,” Nathaniel replies. “Just don’t tell her about me.”

Jean says with a little bit of a laugh, “She’s going to have a field day with you.”

“No,” Nathaniel says. “She’s not. I don’t trust her. And I can’t afford to.”

“What are you planning?”

Nathaniel looks at Jean again. Jean, who can finally change in the locker room without fear of revealing bruises covering his entire torso. Jean, who has dyed his hair, who might actually be free of the Moriyamas. “What I’ve been planning from the start.”

Because Nathaniel’s not free, and he won’t ever be.

“Aaron’s right,” Jean says, a sentence Nathaniel was also not expecting to hear. “You’re almost as much of a drama queen as Kevin.”

“Now, hold on, no need to be rude.”

Jean snorts. “I’m right, though.”

When Renee comes out, she waves Nathaniel into Betsy’s office. “You must be Nathaniel,” Betsy says, standing up from behind her desk and offering him a hand. “Would you like some hot chocolate? I made some for myself already.”

“I’m good, thank you.”

Betsy shrugs. “To each their own. I’m sure you’ve already heard my name, but I’m Betsy Dobson, and this is a meeting for us to get to know each other. Would you rather I call you Nathaniel, or Mr. Wesninski?”

Nathaniel almost flinches. Mr. Wesninski was his father. “Nathaniel is fine,” he says evenly.

“Alright, Nathaniel. Now, everything said in here is confidential. While this meeting is informal and I won’t really be analyzing everything you say, if you were to decide that you would like to come back in the future for another appointment, I would be happy to help you set that up.”

“I think I’ll be good,” Nathaniel says.

“Alright. Now, do you want to start by telling me a bit about yourself?”

Nathaniel would not. “I’m sure you know I came from the Ravens.”

Betsy offers him a sympathetic smile. “I think everyone in the country knows you came from the Ravens.”

Nathaniel will give her that one. “I was taken there when I was young. I played backliner with them, but I am playing striker now.”

“How is that going?” Betsy asks attentively.

“I’m not good enough to play yet, but I am surprised with how well it’s going. It helps that I’m fast.”

“Yes,” Betsy says. “I’ve heard David claim that you’re the fastest player in Class I exy.”

“I wouldn’t say that, but my speed is definitely my advantage over my inexperience.”

“I’m sure. How are you getting along with your teammates?”

Nathaniel pauses. “I think the game next Friday will be a disaster.” Their first game is the following week, the day after school starts. “The back line is fine, although I guess it’s no longer my responsibility to be worried about that. The bigger issue is in our offense, because Seth is mentally unstable and refuses to work with either me or Kevin. Overall, I think it’s going to go badly because we’re all pretty bad at getting along with each other.”

Betsy gives a smile at that. “Do you ever feel threatened by any of your teammates?”

“No,” Nathaniel says. Seth is a child throwing a temper tantrum compared to Riko.

“Excellent.” Betsy stirs her hot chocolate. “Where is your family from?”

“My mother was born in England,” he says. “She had a pretty strong accent for the first part of my childhood.” He doesn’t want to bring up Baltimore. He wants to wait as long as possible before someone makes the connection between Nathaniel and Nathan Wesninski.

Betsy asks a couple questions about his family, questions that he neatly sidesteps. When she realizes what he’s doing, she abandons that train of thought in return for questions about his hobbies.

“Well, exy,” Nathaniel says. “I like to run, though.”

“Ah, yes, Abby and David had mentioned that,” Betsy says wryly.

Nathaniel thinks about the disastrous physical. Does she know about that? “You’re friends with them.”

“I am,” Betsy says. “But I will remind you that anything you say remains in this room, between us.”

Nathaniel nods. He doesn’t really believe her.

“I met Abby in school,” Betsy tells him. “We kept in touch, and I met David through her.” She pauses. “Now, I know that I said this was just a formality, but Abby had some concerns regarding your physical.”

_Fuck._ “Shouldn’t that information be private?”

“It is private, except that I am part of your team’s medical staff. Abby brought up worries that you aren’t eating enough to fuel yourself enough for such an athletic lifestyle. Looking at you, I can see why she might’ve thought that. Would you like to talk about it?”

Nathaniel hates this. “Not really,” he says.

Betsy regards him, her eyes bright and intelligent. Nathaniel lets something cold slip into his eyes. Betsy nods, and Nathaniel steers the conversation back towards exy.

When he walks back out to the lobby with her, Betsy says, “Jean and Nathaniel, it was very nice to meet you, and Renee, it was lovely to see you again.”

Jean and Renee quietly respond, and Nathaniel doesn’t say anything at all.

As they walk out to the car, Jean says to Renee, “I hope you didn’t lose too much money.”

Nathaniel raises an eyebrow.

“Andrew and I had a private bet. He said you would hate Betsy,” Renee explains.

Once again, Andrew proves to be more perceptive than Nathaniel expects. “He was right.”

Renee laughs, and they get in the car to drive back to the court.

* * *

The next week, school starts.

The day before, Wymack gathers them together for a serious talk. “Alright you little fuckers, we’re moving practice starting at 6 tomorrow, and then again at 3 after your classes. I get you for two hours in the morning, and five in the afternoon. You will be here. I’ve seen all your schedules, I know you can, so if you don’t show, I’m signing you up for a marathon. Next. All the other students are here now. Campus police are in full force. You stay safe, and you be careful. If the press gets through, I don’t want to hear that you’ve said _anything_ to them. Got it?”

“Yes, Coach,” they all echo.

“Anything else? No? Ok, get out.”

They empty out of the locker room as fast as possible.

“The Maserati’s in the shop,” Nicky says to Jean, Kevin, and Nathaniel as they leave, “so you’ll have to find a way to practice tomorrow afternoon.”

“The what?” Nathaniel asks. 

Everyone in the car looks at Nathaniel except for Andrew. “The Maserati,” Nicky says slowly, as if he’s talking to a child. “The vehicle we are currently in.”

“Oh,” Nathaniel says. “I didn’t know it had a name.”

Aaron puts his head in his hands, and Andrew starts laughing.

“The brand,” Nicky says. “The brand of this car. It’s a Maserati.”

Kevin looks like he might cry.

“Why’re you all staring at me? I don’t know anything about cars.”

Nicky sputters. “Even Jean knew this was a Maserati!”

Jean evidently doesn't want to be dragged into this.

“Are you an idiot?” Aaron asks.

“Yes,” Nathaniel says.

“Get us back to the dorms,” Kevin says to Andrew. “I need to get out of this car.”

Unfortunately for Kevin, Jean drags him and Nathaniel over to the cousins’ room for a Mario Kart tournament. Nicky declares that it is in celebration of school beginning, but Nathaniel assumes Andrew just wants to keep an eye on them for the evening, in the absence of night practice.

Turns out, Kevin’s horrible at Mario Kart. “I hate this game,” he says as Nicky smashes him with a red shell.

“You just don’t like being bad at things,” Nathaniel tells him.

“Not true.” Kevin swerves, trying to hit Nicky. “Being bad at something allows room for improvement. But this _game_ lacks any kind of skill, or talent. It’s awful.”

“Don’t diss Mario Kart,” Nicky says. “Ha! I win!”

Kevin sulks. Nicky’s victory dancing doesn’t last long, as Jean beats him on the next race.

“Since when are you good at this?” Nicky asks. “C’mon French boy, cut me some slack.”

Aaron bumps fists with Jean when he beats Nicky.

The disaster of the night is when Aaron shoves Nathaniel’s character off a bridge, and Nathaniel reacts by whacking him across the face.

“Fuck!” Aaron’s nose is bleeding, and he glares at Nathaniel. “If you just broke my nose, I’ll kill you.”

“No, you won’t,” Andrew says, sounding bored.

Jean says, “If he just broke your nose, don’t ask him to set it.”

Kevin and Nathaniel look guiltily at the crookedness that is Jean’s nose. That was a bad moment. (Nathaniel’s pretty certain he didn’t break Aaron’s nose. He knows what breaking someone’s nose feels like.)

“I’m the one on the pre-med track here. If anyone is setting my nose, it is _me_.”

“Blah, blah, blah.” Andrew cuts him off and takes his controller. He beats them all, grinning viciously, and then kicks the other three back to their room.

The next morning, Nathaniel wakes up at 5:30 and hates everything. Practice from 6-8 is horrid. They’re in the gym, all bleary-eyed and zombie-like, stumbling through the movements until Wymack barks at them to get moving. After getting a ride back to the dorm with Andrew’s lot, he changes and heads back out with Jean and Kevin. They leave Fox Tower, and suddenly Nathaniel realizes he forgot how many _people_ there were. And the worst part is that they’re all dressed in Palmetto’s signature shade of obnoxious orange. Although Nathaniel supposes that he shouldn’t complain, since he, Jean, and Kevin are wearing their jackets, which can probably be picked up from outer space.

It’s just that all the orange, the streamers that decorate the campus, the people bustling everywhere and shouting jokingly, is a stark difference from Castle Evermore.

“This is awful,” Jean concludes.

Nathaniel has to admit that he agrees with him, especially when he arrives at his math class and remembers that he’s doing it on his own. (Neither Jean nor Kevin had any interest or reason to take the class.)

The morning is mind-numbingly boring. When Nathaniel escapes the classroom and walks outside, he blinks in the sunlight for a minute before heading towards the athletes’ dining hall. By now, everyone is awake. The sidewalks are crowded, and as he walks through the amphitheater at the center of the campus, he can see people staring at his jacket and his face. The booths in the amphitheater mainly represent student organizations, many of which are sports. The discussion of the upcoming exy game tomorrow quiets as Nathaniel walks by, and then amplifies as he passes.

Wymack has stated that he prefers they use the athletes’ dining hall over the other two general ones, but Nathaniel would’ve gone even if Wymack hadn’t said anything. It has healthier options, and he’d rather not be tempted by any desserts that are in the general dining halls. He finds Dan and Matt already there and makes a beeline for them. He knows both Kevin and Jean won’t be out of their class for another half hour, and he’d rather sit with people he knows.

They both already have trays, and they greet him enthusiastically.

Nathaniel asks, “Can you guys watch my stuff?”

“Yeah, of course,” Matt says. “You gonna get food, buddy?”

Nathaniel nods, wishing Matt hadn’t brought attention to it. At one of the buffets, he swipes his meal card and goes through the line, grabbing healthy options that aren’t too high in calories.

Dan and Matt exchange some kind of look when he sits down with them. But they don’t say anything about his meal. Instead, Dan asks, “How were your first few classes?”

“Awful,” Nathaniel says.

Matt and Dan laugh. Then Dan’s face darkens, and she glares past Nathaniel’s shoulder. “What do you want, Andrew?”

Nathaniel starts to turn, only to find the aforementioned man plopping into the seat next to him. “I don’t care about you,” Andrew tells her cheerfully. “Just checking up on our little rabbit.” Andrew’s gaze scans the food on Nathaniel’s plate. “We’ll be back in a minute.” Andrew hauls Nathaniel up by his elbow, grabbing his tray.

Nathaniel stumbles behind Andrew, a little embarrassed and a lot angry that this is happening in front of Dan and Matt. “What the fuck?”

“We have practice until 8,” Andrew tells him. “Wouldn’t it be funny if our new striker passed out in the middle of practice? Then Abby has to check on him, and then _oh no_ , maybe he’ll end up in the hospital? And then Kevin throws a fit, and everyone has to listen to his voice for longer than is already necessary.”

Nathaniel’s face burns. “I did fine at Evermore. I know how to balance this.”

“You don’t know anything,” Andrew says harshly. “And this isn’t Evermore. In case you forgot, you’re a Fox now. Although I can’t imagine how you forgot, considering our teammates’ piss poor attempts at getting you to show school spirit.”

Nathaniel curls his lip as Andrew loads his tray with yet more food.

“I know,” Andrew says mockingly. “Your life sucks.”

Back at the table, Dan is looking at Andrew angrily. “What the fuck, Andrew?”

“Dan, Dan, Dan with a plan, I’m fixing your man!” Andrew laughs, and slides a knife just barely out and against Nathaniel’s wrist. “Now, Nathaniel, listen closely. I know you’re bad at that, but I’ve got to run. If you throw it away, I’ll know. And I won’t be happy.”

Nathaniel glares at him, but nods. And then Andrew is gone.

“What just happened?” Matt asks.

“Nothing,” Nathaniel mutters, reluctantly biting into an apple.

Dan looks intently at Nathaniel. “Does he do that all the time?”

Nathaniel nods.

Dan and Matt exchange another look, this one contemplative.

“Huh,” Matt says, then, “So, uh, how’re you liking all the people?”

* * *

Everything goes fine until that night, when Wymack holds them after practice.

“Have you told them yet?” He asks Kevin, instead of addressing the Foxes, who are tired and want to go home.

“No,” Kevin says.

Nathaniel whips his head towards Kevin, who has the expression of the boy who used to stand next to Riko.

“On Saturday,” Wymack announces, “Kevin will be going on Kathy Ferdinand’s morning show.”

“Whoa,” Matt says. “Really?”

Seth groans. “Great, more attention for the cripple. Who cares about the rest of us?”

Nathaniel glares at Seth. “She’ll love this,” he says to Kevin.

Jean looks like he can’t breathe. “Do all three of us have to do it?”

Kevin shakes his head. “Just me,” he says.

“Your first public appearance since before the banquet,” Dan remarks. “She’s going to eat it up.”

Kevin nods. He’s still got that egotistical expression, but Nathaniel can see the cracks. He’s never done this without Riko.

“Are we all going?” Nathaniel asks.

“She has invited the entire team,” Wymack says. “It’ll be an early morning, but we’re taking the bus anyway.”

Nathaniel makes a split second decision. “I’ll go on with you,” he tells Kevin.

“What?” Wymack says. “Kid, that’s not how this works.”

“She’ll love it,” Nathaniel says. “I’m starting a new position, and she’ll take anything she can get, half of the Perfect Court on her stage and neither of us having done an interview in over six months.”

Kevin looks at Nathaniel, and says, “Ok.”

Nathaniel’s always been there to hold Kevin up. But this time, Nathaniel can also start laying the ground for Riko’s destruction. He ignores the slight stirrings of fear. If anyone puts together his face and his last name, they might be able to figure out who is father is. But his father is in jail, and he’s protected by the psychotic goalkeeper asleep at his side. Besides, after Saturday, the public eye will be their own kind of shield.

He’s going to die anyway, so putting his face on live TV won’t make a damn difference. In the end as long as he brings down Riko, nothing matters. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yea the scene where nathaniel punches aaron in the face over mariokart definitely didnt happen in real life... definitely didnt do that to one of my best friends... of course not, whatre you talking about. anyway, hope it was enjoyed, and leave a comment if you really enjoyed it, those make me happy (even tho im super bad at responding lmao)


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which the foxes play their first game, and nathaniel insults riko on live TV.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> alright yall i like this except for the end! uhh unfortunately its really long but ya know enjoy :)

The campus is decked out on Friday, full of excitement and noise. The marching band is playing in the amphitheater, and cheerleaders are running around in packs. It’s a celebration, in part for the beginning of the semester, and in part for the exy and football games that will be happening over the weekend.

Their game tonight is against the Breckenridge Jackals. Nathaniel’s never played them before, but he and Kevin have watched their games. They’re the biggest team in the district, and the best too, at least until Edgar Allan comes to town. It’s funny that there’s all the fuss on campus, because the Foxes know they’re not going to win tonight. There’s no way they can beat Breckenridge. The only thing they can do is try their best.

As Nathaniel listens to Seth and Kevin get into an explosive argument at lunch, he thinks wryly that their best may not be very much at all.

He has to wear his jersey all day, as per pregame tradition. It’s strange, to have people pay this much attention to his number and his name. Last fall, the Ravens barely had contact with the rest of Edgar Allan. Now, people whisper as he walks past – the 10 on his jersey, the _Wesninski_ written on the back, the 3 on his cheekbone, the _Palmetto_ in blocky letters on the front. He’s a walking paradox.

Nathaniel and the rest of Andrew’s lot each a quiet dinner. For once, Andrew doesn’t force too much food into him. Instead, they all eat light, because they’ll have to be at the stadium at 6:15.

Nicky and Aaron are stealing glances at Andrew all the way up until they leave. When Dan, of all people, comes in to check on him, it’s Kevin who asks.

“He goes off his meds for games,” Nicky reluctantly explains.

Nathaniel absorbs this information. Evidently the upperclassmen know. He thinks about how Andrew is, off his meds at Eden’s. “Wymack knows?"

“It was part of his contract when he was signed.”

“So you hate exy, but you hate your meds more,” Nathaniel says to Andrew, who is already looking less and less cheerful.

Andrew glares at Nathaniel. “And I hate you.”

Campus police are everywhere at the stadium, holding back the press and the masses of people milling around and acting stupid. All the gates to the stadium are open, and Nathaniel gapes at the amount of people flooding through them. Security pats them down at the door, then lets them through to the locker room. Wymack ushers them into the changing room, where they start putting on their uniforms.

Nathaniel glances at his lavender headband. He makes eye contact with Allison across the room, who smirks. He yanks it on.

“Nathaniel, Jean,” Kevin calls.

Nathaniel walks over to him, pulling on his first layer of gloves. “What do you want?”

Kevin drags the two of them through the back door that leads to the court.

“Wait, what are we doing?” Jean sounds anxious.

Nathaniel ruffles his hair reassuringly.

“What the fuck, Nathaniel.”

“It’s purple. And soft!”

Their conversation is cut off as they enter the inner court, because suddenly they can barely hear. The Foxhole Court has sixty five thousand seats in orange and white, and it’s close enough to the beginning of the game that almost all of them are filled. The huge stadium echoes with people shouting, walking across rows, the Palmetto band warming up in their seats.

“ _Holy shit_ ,” Jean breathes.

“They’re here for us,” Kevin says.

He’s proven right as the crowd notices them. Someone starts cheering, the band starts the fight song, and then the entire crowd is standing on their feet and roaring like a single-minded entity.

Kevin grabs his and Jean’s hands and raises them in the air. As their hands go up, so does the volume of the crowd.

Jean flinches. “ _Fuck_ , that’s loud.”

Nathaniel almost can’t breathe. All these people are here for the Foxes, but they’re also here for the three of them. It’s mind-blowing.

“We are playing for the entire world,” Kevin says as they stand there.

They sneak back into the changing room, grabbing the rest of their gear, and joined the team in the lounge.

Dan quirks an eyebrow at Kevin, but he shakes his head. Instead, she passes them copies of Breckenride’s starting lineup, which Wymack already handed out.

“You’re gonna have company tonight,” Matt tells Seth.

Seth groans.

Nathaniel is examining the lineup. The Foxes are badly outnumbered. The Jackals are an enormous team, and their starting lineup is intense.

“Gorilla’s on their back line,” Seth says.

“He’s a jackass,” Allison says. “Pretty boy, don’t get in his way.”

“She’s right,” Dan explains. “He looks like a football player, and he’s about as smart as one, too.”

“He’ll be gunning for Seth,” Matt says. “But if you get in his way, he’ll crush you.”

“Least they’re taking us seriously,” Aaron points out.

“Or they just want to destroy us.” Nicky’s standing, moving frenetically, nervous in anticipation of the upcoming game.

“Ok, time to sit down and shut up,” Wymack announces. “Seth, Kevin, you’re starting, and Dan, Matt, and Jean. Andrew, you’re in goal. You’ll all get subs, but I want you to draw on your endurance. The Jackals are going to try to run you into the ground. And please, please, for the love of god, try to work together.”

Nathaniel isn’t sure if that’s going to happen. Seth’s been shooting Kevin dirty looks all day.

“Kevin, you’re off if your hand so much as gets bumped. We’re not risking that.”

Kevin looks like he wants to argue, but a glare from Andrew has him nodding.

“What’re you all waiting around for? Time to warm up.”

“Yes, Coach,” they all chorus.

They grab their helmets and their racquets. Nathaniel straps his on. It’s been too long since he played on a court, in front of a crowd. It’s been too long since he played a game. And even if he’s not starting, he knows he’ll be playing. There’s a buzz of excitement under his skin, a current of electricity running through his veins.

Wymack has an earpiece in. As they wait for the ok to walk out into the court, Andrew meets Nathaniel’s eyes.

Andrew glares at him. “You’re pathetic.”

“You tell me that frequently,” Nathaniel says. “But for some reason, I really don’t think you mean it.” He’s learning how Andrew works. And the cold anger in Andrew’s voice, that day on the court when Nathaniel collapsed, is nothing like the harsh tone that he has now.

“Your life is truly horrible, that you are so excited about this.”

“And your life is truly horrible, that you aren’t excited about anything at all,” Nathaniel returns.

“Line up!” Wymack calls.

Nathaniel joins the strikers, and Andrew stands with Renee. When Wymack gets the ok, they walk onto the court.

The crowd screams, deafening, louder even than when they’d gone out earlier. This time, Nathaniel ignores it. He’s here to play.

Warmups feel like they go by in the blink of an eye. The Jackals are large, intimidatingly so, but Nathaniel forgets about it in the face of his joy at playing on the court again. He runs drills with Kevin and Seth, who are barely getting along, and watches out of the corner of his eye as Andrew rockets balls at the defense.

“ _Stop staring_ ,” Jean tells Nathaniel as he runs past.

Nathaniel sputters.

Wymack calls them over, and they line up, the announcer yelling their names and numbers to a riot of noise. They raise their racquets and step forward as their name is called. When Kevin steps forward, the audience screams loud enough that Nathaniel wonders if he might get hearing damage.

But Kevin raises his racquet and meets Wymack’s gaze, and Nathaniel thinks that Kevin Day is not a broken man.

Dan heads onto the court, greeting the Jackals’ captain. He doesn’t respond. Jackals win the coin toss, getting first serve, so the captains return to their benches, each followed by three refs who line up against the outer walls of the court.

Wymack gathers the team together. “We’re not the Foxes we were last year. So get out there, and show them that.” Everyone stares at him. “What’re you waiting for? Get a move on.”

The starters file out onto the court, the announcer reading out their names again. Breckenridge’s starters are greeted with some boos, and the band drowns out the last of their names with a brief rendition of the fight song.

The referees slam the court doors shut, locking them. At Edgar Allan, it always sounded like a casket slamming closed. Nathaniel grins hungrily. Here, it sounds like being given permission to fight back.

The court filters most of the sound, so over the din of the crowd, Nathaniel can’t hear anything the Foxes are saying to each other.

Nicky says, “There’s Gorilla, in case you somehow missed him.” He points to the hulking backliner, who’s scowling at Seth.

“He’ll be your biggest issue,” Aaron says. “He’s a full foot taller than us.”

Allison snorts. “Goddamnit, Seth,” she mutters. Seth isn’t even pretending to like Kevin – he flipped off one of the Jackals, and then instantly turned it towards Kevin.

“They’ve been arguing all day,” Nathaniel tells her. “It’s not like we thought they were going to get along.”

“Ten bucks says the first punch thrown is between them,” Nicky says.

“Let’s stay positive,” Renee says calmly.

Nobody responds as the clock counts down. The buzzer sounds on the start of the game, and Nathaniel jumps up. He stands, barely able to handle the couple feet between him and the court.

Aaron starts to make a noise of disgust, but then one of the Jackal strikers slams into Jean and he quiets.

“He’s taken down larger people,” Nathaniel tells him, attempting to be reassuring.

“Sit down,” Aaron says.

Nathaniel does not want to sit back down. He wants to be playing.

The ball is moving around the court fast, and the game is brutal. The Jackals weren’t holding back, and in return, the Foxes’ offense were taking out their aggression on them. Dan gets slammed into the court wall as she throws the ball to Seth, who snarls and dashes up the court. He reluctantly passes to Kevin, and they connect, storming towards the goal. When Kevin gets slammed, a check that is barely legal, the crowd roars. Nathaniel can’t tell if it’s because Kevin got hit, or if they’re just bloodthirsty.

A couple minutes later, Kevin gets targeted again, this time by Gorilla.

“Fuck,” Nathaniel says, and slams his fist against the wall of the court. “They’re going after him.” He wants to be out there, protecting Kevin’s back.

“Chill,” Allison says to Nathaniel. “He can hold his own.”

Nathaniel reluctantly admits that she’s not wrong.

Nicky’s just watching the action, but Aaron’s watching the game, watching how Matt and Jean are playing. For a moment, Aaron looks like Andrew, all single-minded focus. But Aaron’s what Andrew isn’t – Aaron gives a shit about the game, especially with Jean out there.

Nathaniel wonders what it would look like if Andrew cared.

The Jackals are the first to light the goal red. Wymack curses as the Jackals shoot, once, twice, scoring on the second breakthrough. As they move the ball back up to half-court, Gorilla roughly shoves past Jean. Matt gets in his face, but before anything can happen, Andrew bangs his racquet on the floor of the court. Matt backs off, and Gorilla freezes as Andrew grins savagely at him.

Andrew looks…awake.

Nathaniel clenches and unclenches his fists, pacing again.

And then Kevin opens his mouth, yelling something, and Seth takes a swing at him.

“I was right,” Nicky says.

“Shut up, Nicky,” Nathaniel and Aaron say at the same time.

“What a bunch of assholes,” Wymack mutters.

Now the Foxes are out for blood. They’re playing viciously, and Seth’s punch sets off a string of fights.

“They’re going for his fucking hand,” Aaron points out after the fourth time someone tries to slam Kevin’s arms.

“They should be calling these,” Nicky says.

Nathaniel’s not surprised. He’s used to biased refs, but this is the first time they’re not on his side. “Put me on, Coach.”

Wymack barely spares him a glance. “No. I’m waiting until someone has to come off. We don’t have subs to waste.”

The opportunity presents itself only a few minutes later, along with the first yellow card of the game. Seth breaks away, and Gorilla slams him into the wall. Matt throws his racquet aside and rushes Gorilla, delivering a solid punch straight to his gut. One of the other Jackals jumps into the fray, and the stadium is howling with the thrill of a fight.

A yellow card is delivered to Matt, and Seth crumples to the ground.

“Come on,” Nicky shouts. “That guy deserves a fucking yellow, too!”

“Abby, he’s not getting up,” Renee says. Abby’s already standing, waiting for Seth to call that he needs to stop.

Allison is up and on her feet, banging on the wall. “C’mon, you idiot,” she growls.

Wymack motions to Aaron and Nathaniel. “You two are going on,” he says.

“But Seth – ”

“Is done for this half. C’mon, you midgets. Wesninski, I want you using that speed. Minyard, I want that creepy mind-meld with Moreau.”

Seth, at this point, has called that he can’t get up. Matt, who has to come off for his yellow, is dragging him to the door. Abby rushes over, and as the two come off, Aaron and Nathaniel grab their racquets and meet them at the door.

“You ready?” Nathaniel asks Aaron, his heart in his throat.

Aaron barely looks at him, but he readjusts his grip on his racquet. “We’ve got your back,” he says. “Score as many as you can.”

Nathaniel nods, and then the door is opening.

“Going on for Matt Boyd is Aaron Minyard, sophomore backliner. Subbing in for Seth Gordon is Nathaniel Wesninski, transfer striker from Edgar Allan.”

The fans scream as they jog on. Aaron clacks sticks with Jean and Nathaniel joins Kevin and Dan.

“Let’s knock ‘em dead,” Dan says.

The referee whistles. “Hey, rabbit,” Andrew calls.

He’s got the ball, and Nathaniel reads what he’s going to do before he even does it. He’s sprinting for the ball, the court flying by underneath his feet. He grabs it, blowing past a backliner. He passes to Kevin, already in place, who slams it into the goal.

The buzzer lights up red.

Nathaniel jogs past the Jackal backliners, who are looking almost nervous for once. He gives them a smile and taps the number on his cheek, feeling a dangerous kind of victorious.

“Fluke,” one of the Jackals, Leverett, says to him. “You’re barely able to play this position.”

Nathaniel says, “And you’re barely able to keep up.”

Behind him, the Jackal strikers are clashing with Jean and Aaron, who are almost as much of a powerhouse as Nathaniel and Jean were. “Nathaniel!” Aaron shouts, and heaves the ball towards him.

Nathaniel catches it. He rebounds the ball into the wall, slams a shoulder into Leverett, and leaves her in the dust. He glances at Kevin, who shoulders his opponent and then moves into position to catch the ball. Nathaniel’s on his eighth step. He passes to Kevin, who slams it into the goal.

Nathaniel hears a cheer from Dan and a barely-audible whoop from Nicky. He clacks sticks with Kevin as they run back to half court.

“Let’s keep it up, Foxes!” Dan shouts.

* * *

They lose by one point, seven to eight. It’s so close to a win that the Foxes celebrate it as one. And, Nathaniel thinks, it’s kind of a victory. They worked well together, for the first time in their goddamn lives. (In Wymack’s words.)

They don’t leave the dorm, since Wymack is concerned about security, but the upperclassmen have a bottle of vodka stashed away, and Dan wants to celebrate. She seems even happier when Andrew’s lot joins in. (Really, they only come because Kevin likes vodka, and where Kevin goes, Andrew follows. Nobody tells Dan that.)

But, Nathaniel supposes, it’s not a bad thing. He sits and watches. Seth and Allison are borderline making out, and Dan and Matt are leaning into each other. Matt is joking around with Nicky, and Dan and Kevin are talking enthusiastically about the game. Jean and Aaron are sitting with Nathaniel, drinking even though he isn’t, and Renee and Andrew are talking quietly near them.

It’s a good evening, Nathaniel realizes, with a little bit of wonder.

Of course, when they finally climb into bed at midnight, and Nathaniel’s alarm goes off an hour later, he wants to die.

“Fuck this,” Jean says, looking absolutely miserable.

Nathaniel nods blearily, ruffling his hair into something resembling put together. “Who’s waking him up,” Jean asks. “We shouldn’t have even let him go to sleep.”

“I’ll do it,” Nathaniel says. He hauls Kevin off his bed and onto the floor with a thunk. Nathaniel lightly slaps his face. “Wake up, dumbass.”

“You’re a bitch,” Kevin grouses after the third slap.

“This was your idea,” Jean points out.

“Fuck you.”

Wymack bangs on their door a couple minutes later. They stumble out and into the hallway, where the rest of their team looks equally zombie-like (except for Allison and Seth, who are staying behind). They don’t speak as they Wymack leads them out to the bus, but Nathaniel, Kevin, and Jean mingle with the cousins, and when they board the bus, follow them straight to the back. Nathaniel dozes for the next five hours as they drive to North Carolina. Around six am, they stop for gas and food.

Nathaniel hears Wymack say, “Hemmick, damnit, you were supposed to wake them up.”

Nicky groggily says, “Fuck no, Coach. I don’t wanna get killed.”

Nathaniel groans. “I’ll do it.”

He pokes Jean’s head, who wakes with a flinch. Nathaniel offers him an apologetic look, and says, “Can you wake Aaron?”

Jean nods.

Nathaniel stands, still exhausted, and wakes Kevin with lots of cajoling and threatening. Meanwhile, Wymack chucks his wallet at Andrew. Andrew wakes as violently as he usually does.

“Come on, you little psychopath. You have to take your meds.”

Andrew gives Wymack a dirty look as he takes the pill container from him and swallows his meds dry. Then he nods at Kevin.

Nathaniel turns around and rolls his eyes. Kevin is already back asleep. He drags him out of his seat.

“Go walk,” Wymack orders.

Kevin walks.

“Ready for your ‘public appearance’?” Andrew asks Nathaniel mockingly.

Nathaniel’s too tired to match wits with him, so instead he says, “Watch Jean, will you?”

Andrew laughs. “Why would I do that?”

“Because you said you’d protect us. And I have a bad feeling about this.”

“ _You_ have a bad feeling…about the thing you volunteered _yourself_ for?”

Nathaniel rolls his eyes. “Just do it. What’re you gonna do instead, with your two biggest problem children up on the stage?”

“That mouth is going to get you into trouble,” Andrew says. “And who knows, maybe I’ll get some popcorn and enjoy the show.”

Nathaniel laughs. “Oh, I promise it’ll be a show.”

Dan and Renee come back on the bus with donuts, which means everyone moves towards the front of the bus. Andrew packs away two donuts, for which Nathaniel gives him a look of scorn. Andrew waves a hand at Renee lazily, stuffing another donut in his mouth. Renee smiles serenely, and hands Nathaniel an apple and a granola bar.

Nathaniel gives Andrew yet another dirty look.

When they get to the building that houses Kathy Ferdinand’s show, Wymack’s the first off the bus. He comes back with a handful of guest passes, and herds his team through to Kathy’s studio. Nathaniel hates it immediately. It has the same shiny look that Evermore used to have.

Kathy greets them with a face full of makeup and a smile whiter than Kevin. “Hello, hello! So nice to see you again, Kevin.”

Kevin greets her, pressing a kiss to her cheek. “And it is lovely to see you.” Kevin pulls his public smile on his face, the one that looks blindingly brilliant to the rest of the world. It’s the smile that hides his ruthless streak, and it’s a smile Nathaniel can see right through.

Kevin motions to Kathy. “Nathaniel has agreed to join me on stage, today, in honor of his first game as a striker.”

Kathy nearly shrieks. “Oh, that’s wonderful, that’s wonderful. We’ll have to get you two in, get you dressed. Kevin, your game last night was simply incredible. Indescribable, how you’re practically pulling this team up from the brink, and you yourself just recovered.”

Nicky feigns gagging behind her back. Nathaniel has to agree.

“Oh, they were already on their way up,” Kevin says. “They barely need me.”

Andrew is starting to laugh.

Kevin says quickly, “Let’s head on inside, we can talk about this all soon.”

“Of course,” Kathy says. 

Kevin and Nathaniel get separated from the rest of the team as the aides usher them through. They’re put in a dressing room, all mirrors and bright lights.

“What’re you doing?” Kevin finally asks as they change into nicer clothes.

Nathaniel looks at him. “What?”

Kevin rolls his eyes. “Maybe I can’t do that freaky telepathy that you and Jean have, but I _know_ you, Nathaniel. And you have the look in your eyes that means you’re going to do something outrageously stupid.”

“Way to make me feel good,” Nathaniel says dryly. Then, “Trust me.”

“Oh, this is going to go badly,” Kevin mutters, but the makeup artists arrive and whisk them away.

The lights are even brighter onstage, and Kevin and Nathaniel stand behind the wings together, looking at the question sheet that was handed to them before they entered. It’s all generic questions, the sort of things that would be asked during polite dinner conversation. Nathaniel shoves it in a trashcan.

Through the brightness of the lights, he can see the audience. The team has front row seats, and Andrew and Aaron are sitting on either side of Jean, boxing him in. Some people are holding up exy signs, but the Foxes are all waiting quietly for Kevin and Nathaniel to come out. _It’s nice not to be on our own,_ Nathaniel thinks.

Someone says, “And we’re on in three…two…one,” and then the lights somehow get even brighter, and the cameras start running.

Kathy strides onstage to music, waving to the cheering crowd. She starts talking about the show, and then about how the NCAA exy season started just last night. He tunes her out until he hears, “So for the first time in over nine months, give it up for Kevin Day and Nathaniel Wesninski, former Ravens and current strikers for the Palmetto State Foxes!”

The crowd barely waits for her to finish her sentence, standing and cheering as Nathaniel walk onstage and sit down across from Kathy. Kevin squeezes Nathaniel’s wrist once in warning and then lets it go, his flashy smile frozen on his face.

“Kevin, it’s absolutely lovely to see you again, and Nathaniel, I’m so glad to have finally gotten you up here.”

Back in the Nest, Nathaniel and Jean barely ever communicated with the press. “It’s certainly an interesting experience,” he tells Kathy.

Kathy laughs. “There’s the Wesninski charm that we know and love.”

Nathaniel’s not sure what that means, but he nods.

Kathy segues into another topic easily. “Your game last night was phenomenal, although I have to admit that it was nothing like watching you play with the Ravens.” Nathaniel might hurt her, and Dan, out in the audience, looks equally enraged. “Now I know I’m asking for the entire world when I ask: what led you two, along with Jean, to join the Foxes?”

“We had connections with Coach Wymack and the Foxes, and it was an opportunity to start anew, with a team that could use us better than the Ravens did.” Kevin seems like he wants to move away from this topic. “And it turned out for the best. This is a good team, and it was a good game. We played well last night.”

“Yes,” Kathy says. “After all, you bagged three goals, starting striker Seth Gordon got two, and Nathaniel got two as well. Now, what exactly was the reasoning behind Nathaniel starting as striker? I could hardly believe it when I watched the game last night, seeing that Nathaniel wasn’t with Jean in the back. That’s Jean Moreau for all you listening at home, one of the best backliners in the game, and also a new member of the Foxes.”

Kevin waits for her to finish, and then says, “When we came to the Foxes, we realized that they didn’t need two new backliners. I’d always wanted a chance to train Nathaniel as a striker, and here was the opportunity.”

“And he’s doing _amazingly_ ,” Kathy says. “Nathaniel, it’s almost hard to believe you were a backliner a year ago.”

Nathaniel smiles, taking the praise even if he doesn’t agree with it. “I’m a pretty good runner. It’s something I can use to my advantage, even though I don’t have much experience.”

Kathy laughs. “A pretty good runner, he says. As if we didn’t all watch as you left the Jackals in the dust repeatedly last night.”

“I’m proud of him,” Kevin says. “The rate at which he is improving is impressive.”

Nathaniel wonders if it physically hurt Kevin to say that.

“Once you said that Nathaniel and Jean would be part of Court, alongside you. Does that still stand, even with Nathaniel in a new position?”

“Yes,” Kevin says. “I think that one day you’re going to be watching us play for Court.”

Kathy exclaims, “And there’s that Day confidence! You’ve got some big shoes to fill, Nathaniel.”

Nathaniel laughs uneasily. “It helps that I have Kevin to train with. And I’m learning a lot from the rest of the Foxes. I miss partnering with Jean, but I think all of us are enjoying playing with different people than we used to.”

Kevin gives him a look that is almost horrified.

Kathy sounds delighted. “Does this mean you truly expect not to return to Edgar Allan?”

Nathaniel shakes his head. “I speak for all three of us when I say that we have no plans to return to the Ravens.”

Kevin jumps in. “We learned all that we could at Edgar Allan, and it was time to move on to a team that could help us grow better as players.”

“I wonder what Riko thinks, and your old coach. After all, the district transfer means that all four of you will be reunited on court. October thirteenth is the game versus Edgar Allan, correct?”

“Yes,” Nathaniel says.

“Do you think Riko misses you?”

Nathaniel shrugs. “We haven’t had much communication with Edgar Allan. We’ve been focusing our energy specifically on getting settled into our new home.”

Kathy grins, and the bottom of Nathaniel’s stomach drops away. “Well, we have an opportunity for you to ask him.”

Kevin grips Nathaniel’s wrist hard enough that it hurts. “What?”

Kathy looks out to the audience. “Let’s welcome back to the stage Riko Moriyama, starting striker for the Edgar Allan Ravens!”

Riko walks on to cheers from everyone except the Foxes. There’s a crash, and Nathaniel looks to see Renee with her leg thrown over Andrew’s lap, stopping him from rising. Aaron is holding onto Jean tightly.

Riko sits down in one of the other chairs. He takes the glass of water Kathy hands him and meets Nathaniel’s eyes across the table. He’s smiling, but his eyes are cold. Nathaniel bares his teeth at him in a rough approximation of his expression.

Kathy is beside herself. “And now we have three of the four members of the ‘Perfect Court’ all gathered here, but for the first time ever, as rivals.”

“Nathaniel, Kevin, it’s nice to see you again,” Riko says.

Kevin doesn’t respond, and Nathaniel says, “I’m sure it is.”

Kathy’s barrels on. “It was a shock for fans to hear back in the spring that not only had Kevin broken his hand, but that he, Nathaniel, and Jean, numbers two through four to your number one, Riko, were leaving the Ravens to join the Foxes. And yet we heard nothing from you during that time. It surprised us, because we thought that the bond between the Perfect Court was nothing short of unbreakable.”

Riko’s voice is smooth. “Kevin’s injury was…catastrophic. It destroyed our future. We’d always had a closer bond, being the strikers, with Nathaniel and Jean in defense. It always this fairytale idea – a twin journey, rising through the ranks of exy to someday play in the Olympics for our country. When Kevin broke his hand, the pain of losing that vision was…unimaginable. We knew it was best for Kevin to leave, and Nathaniel and Jean to leave with him. They hadn’t let go of his vision, you see. Coach Moriyama and I knew the truth, that he might never recover, but they still thought he could somehow regain his former glory.”

“And he has,” Nathaniel breaks into the conversation. “He played last night.”

Kathy nods to him. “And he’s playing right-handed now, a feat that even some of the greatest athletes in the game might have never been able to accomplish.”

“Exactly. We left Evermore because we knew that Kevin needed someone to believe in him. And he has found that in Coach Wymack, and the Foxes.”

“When you and Jean left, we were heartbroken,” Riko says, venomously, threateningly. “Kevin can play again, yes, but unlike you two, he won’t ever be what he was. The Foxes are putting their faith in a shell of a man. And that is why Edgar Allan had to let him go.”

Kevin makes a small noise like he’s been punched, and Nathaniel snaps. “Oh,” he says, flashing a sharp smile. “And that is why we had to leave. You say you had such a close bond with Kevin, and yet you don’t believe in him at all. That’s no kind of brotherhood. Jean and I couldn’t stay, knowing it would hurt Kevin every day to remain.”

“I will ask you only once to tone down the animosity.”

“I can’t,” Nathaniel says. “I have a bit of an attitude problem.”

“Then I will say this – Kevin is not the only one who will hurt.” Riko’s eyes flash to Jean and the Foxes, for just a moment.

Kathy seems to realize she’s lost control of her show. She smiles brightly. “Riko, just before you came in, we were discussing the district change. Do you have any idea what the reasons behind this unprecedented move might be?”

Riko loses some of the poison in his gaze, relaxing back into a public persona. “I couldn’t say for sure. I do know it gives us an opportunity to face some new opponents. While championships shouldn’t be any different than usual, the fall season will be a good way to gain new experience.”

Kathy turns to Kevin and Nathaniel. “What’re your opinions on the district move?”

Kevin’s voice is barely level as he answers. “It doesn’t mean anything at all. I am here to play with the Foxes, and take them to championships. That is all that matters, no matter who we are playing.”

Riko laughs. “You think you can get your sad excuse of a team to championships?”

“They got to championships without me, Nathaniel, or Jean last year. With us, I think they can do it.”

“The Ravens have gone to finals every year, and we’ve won more titles than any other Class I team. You have no chance.”

Nathaniel grips Kevin’s wrist and says, “Oh yeah? Only cause you barely have to try. Kevin is saying that the Foxes are going to get to finals, and I agree with him. But he actually has to work to get there, and so do all of us.” He flashes a smile at Riko. “I know it’s hard to understand. It’s so easy to pretend to be good when you have a reputation that’s bigger than your abilities.”

Riko leans over the table, past Kathy, who looks shocked. “The Foxes are nothing compared to the Ravens.”

“Actually, they’re better. You’re so set in your ways that you can’t imagine having to put in effort. You have twenty two people on your lineup, we have eleven. We’re starting from the bottom, and we’re going to get to the top.”

Riko snorts. “You’re the laughingstock of the NCAA.”

“Maybe once, but our performance last night already shows that we’re not the same Foxes that we used to be. And guess what? We don’t need you to be good. We don’t need you to believe in us. _Kevin_ doesn’t need you to believe in him, because he doesn’t need you at all. We, along with our teammates, are going to be at finals, and this year, the Foxes going to win.”

Nathaniel looks out at the audience. It’s dead silent, and the Foxes are all gazing at Nathaniel in disbelief. Except for Andrew, who looks delighted, and Jean, who is squeezing his eyes shut like he’s already waiting to get beat.

Kathy sweeps in. “A challenge, straight from the mouths of Nathaniel Wesninski and Riko Moriyama. Who’s going to win this year? The underdogs, or the champions?”

“I think we already know the answer to that, Kathy,” Riko starts to say.

Nathaniel cuts in, “We do. My future, Kevin’s future, Jean’s future – it’s all here, in orange and white. Our time wearing black is over. And so is the reign of the Ravens.”

“You might find it hard to back that up,” Riko says coldly.

Kathy quickly asks, “Kevin, in all this, what do you think?”

Kevin finally squeezes tight enough that he cuts off circulation to Nathaniel’s arm. “I think that Nathaniel is right.”

The Foxes start the cheering, but the rest of the crowd joins in.

Kathy turns to them and gestures. “There you have it, folks. The future kings of exy, and the possibility of a match that will go down in history.”

The lights cut off, and Nathaniel glances down at his arm. Looks like he might have some bruises, actually.

Kathy laughs. “You boys gave me quite a show! Stay, stay, there are refreshments, I’d love to talk to you some more.”

Nathaniel stands up, dragging Kevin with him. “I think we’ll go meet with the rest of our team, thanks.”

They barely make it into the hallway before Riko is behind them. He slams Nathaniel into the wall, pressing a hand to his throat. “How _dare_ you,” he hisses.

Nathaniel smiles, even as it gets harder to breathe. “What,” he gasps out. “Don’t like hearing the truth?”

“Let him go,” Kevin says to Riko, sounding like he’s going to panic. Actually now that Nathaniel thinks about it, he’s probably already panicking. He’s always had trouble dealing with Nathaniel’s rebellions.

“Do you forget,” Riko says, “what I used to do to Jean? His screams were so nice to hear. It’s going to be your fault, when all your new _teammates_ get acquainted with them, too.”

“No it won’t,” someone calls from down the hallway. “Because you’re not going to touch Jean. And you better let go of Nathaniel, too.”

Riko drops Nathaniel to the ground, and he gasps a breath. “Andrew,” Riko says disdainfully. “How…nice.”

Andrew grins at Riko and steps forward to embrace him. Riko goes stiff in his arms. “Don’t touch my things,” Andrew says. “I don’t share.”

The rest of the Foxes come running down the hallway. Renee and Aaron are holding onto Jean. Dan grabs Kevin’s arm, pulling him towards her and Abby, and Nathaniel steps beside Andrew. Wymack starts to usher them away.

“You’ll regret this,” Riko calls, just for Kevin and Nathaniel. “You’re never going to be safe.”

As they follow the rest of the team, Andrew turns around to smile at Riko. It’s a big smile, with lots of teeth. It’s a smile that reminds people that Andrew Minyard is dangerous.

When they get a safe distance away, hurrying back to the bus, Wymack turns to Nathaniel. “What the _fuck_ was that, Wesninski?”

Nathaniel repeats, “I have a bit of an attitude problem.”

“Damn right, you do. Jesus Christ, I’m never letting you talk to the press again. That was a shitshow.”

Andrew laughs. “Oh, Coach, Nathaniel’s got quite a mouth on him. You should’ve expected this.”

“I…don’t want to hear your weird flirting.” Wymack looks tired. He shoves them onto the bus. “I never should’ve let you do that.”

Jean speaks up, the first words he’s said. “Most of Nathaniel’s ideas tend to be bad.”

“Hey,” Nathaniel protests. “That’s not true.”

Wymack gives him a withering look. “All evidence points to the contrary.”

“It’ll be fine,” Nathaniel says. “All we have to do is win finals.” He grins at everyone. “And Kevin believes in you, he just said it on live TV.”

Matt groans. “Oh god, he just said it on _live TV_.”

* * *

Back at Palmetto, the cousins and Nathaniel’s lot retreat to their room.

“Jesus Christ,” Nicky finally says.

Aaron is murmuring to Jean, who still looks unhappy. “We’re going to play Mario Kart,” Aaron finally announces. He gives Nathaniel a dirty look. “You’re a fucking idiot.”

Nathaniel grabs Jean’s arm. “He won’t get to you. I promise.”

Jean looks at him. Breathes in and out. “Ok.”

Nathaniel pulls him and Kevin into a hug.

Then Andrew punches a window. It’s loud, glass shattering and falling to pieces.

“Andrew, what the fuck?” Nicky, at this point, just sounds exhausted.

“Your hand!” Kevin almost squawks. Nathaniel rolls his eyes. Of course, the only thing Kevin ever thinks about is exy.

Aaron shoves Jean and Kevin into their beanbags. “We are going to fucking play Mario Kart.”

Nicky sighs. “I’m gonna get Matt.”

Nathaniel walks over to Andrew, who’s standing by the broken window. His hand is bleeding, but he’s still smoking a cigarette. “You gonna put a bandaid on that?” Nathaniel asks.

A minute later, Matt walks in with Nicky flittering behind him. “Andrew, you broke a _window_?”

“Matt, Matt, better keep your people close,” Andrew says. “The window’s the least of our issues.”

Matt looks wary. “What?”

“Riko’s going to try to retaliate, and soon,” Nathaniel finally explains. “If he can’t get to Jean, he’ll go for hurting anyone.”

Matt looks vaguely sick. “You know, I think I’ll come back for the window later.” He stops. “We were going to party.”

Nathaniel thinks for a minute. Then he asks Andrew, “Are we going to Eden’s?” 

Instantly, Andrew says, “No.”

“No, look,” Nathaniel says. “They can drive separately, but we’re all together.” He looks at Andrew. “We need to get to finals. We need cohesion. We need them. Come on, you said you’d help me.”

“Wait, what?” Matt asks. “Us, going to Eden’s, with you guys, tonight?”

Andrew sighs, heavily, theatrically. “ _Fine_. You and your girls, Matt, here at eight.”

Matt looks flabbergasted.

“Tick tock,” Andrew says, sounding bored.

After he leaves, Andrew looks at Nathaniel and laughs. “You have no survival instinct. None at all. If you are so stupid, how are you still alive?” When Nathaniel opens his mouth, he raises a hand. “No, don’t speak. How am I to protect you if you keep trying your best to die?”

“Just let us stay,” Nathaniel says. “You already know all this. It’s just gotten a little more dangerous than you were expecting.”

Andrew looks at him. “I wasn’t expecting _anything_. I hate you.”

“Sure you do,” Nathaniel says.

And this is how they find themselves, several hours later, drinking with Matt, Dan, and Renee at Eden’s Twilight. (Allison and Seth had opted to go to a party with Seth’s friends, Seth having no interesting in consorting with the monsters.)

Even with the threat of Riko, Nathaniel’s happy to be here. Dan and Matt are dancing together, on the floor below, well in sight of the team. Aaron, Kevin, Nicky, and Jean are playing some kind of drinking game that seems to involve copious amounts of alcohol. (Andrew didn’t let them leave the table.) Andrew and Renee are discussing, for some reason, a zombie apocalypse.

“Nathaniel.” Renee’s pleasant voice breaks into his thoughts. “Would you like a granola bar?”

Nathaniel looks at her. “Why do you have granola bars?”

Renee shrugs. “Andrew asked me to start carrying them in my purse.”

Nathaniel glares at Andrew, who smiles unapologetically. “Fine,” Nathaniel finally says.

When Dan and Matt return to the table, Nathaniel has joined the zombie apocalypse conversation, and Kevin has started rambling about history.

“Oh, god, cut him off,” Nathaniel says when Kevin starts talking about Boudica.

Aaron squints at Kevin. “Bro, who the fuck is Boudica?”

Matt asks delightedly, “Aaron is a bro?”

Dan pats him. “Yes, buddy.” She seems amused by both the cousins, and by Kevin acting like a normal person, albeit a history nerd.

Nathaniel laughs at them.

Andrew says, yet again, “I hate you.”

Nathaniel laughs at him, too.

The night is going well, until Renee’s phone rings. She answers it quizzically, although Nathaniel has no clue how she can hear over the din of Eden’s Twilight on a Saturday night. Then her face drops. “Oh, no,” she says. “Yes, Coach, I’ll tell them right away.”

 _Riko_ , Nathaniel thinks. “What happened?”

Andrew is watching her carefully.

“We need to leave,” Renee says. “Now.”

It takes them a while to wrangle everyone outside, but once they do, shivering in the chill of the night, Renee shares the news. “Seth,” she says. “Seth overdosed at the party.”

“What?” Dan finally asks, her voice shaking. “Again?”

“Never again,” Andrew says.

“Fuck.” Matt turns and punches a wall. “ _Fuck_!”

“It was Riko,” Nathaniel says. Everyone looks at him. He sighs, and his voice is heavy when he says, “I’d bet my racquet it was Riko.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ive finally planned out a lot of this story! or tried to, itll probably end up changing quite a bit, but thats alright. im excited. what with climbing gyms closed, ive got nothing else to do soooo this may get long. as always, if you guys enjoyed, please leave a comment they make my day


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which andrew gets more than he bargained for, and so does jean.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok yall the second half of this is a little shit but i really wanted to put something up. however that means this is barely edited, since i keep falling asleep. i promise the next chapter will be better, bc we know whats coming lmao. anyway, hope yall enjoy it!

The day after Seth dies, they cremate his body. The dorm feels like a ghost town. Matt has moved into the girls’ room temporarily, and there’s an uneasy silence between the upperclassmen and the cousins.

Andrew’s lot spend Sunday holed up in their room. Nathaniel’s not quite sure why, since he knows for a fact that most of them aren’t affected by Seth’s death. Nathaniel wishes he was. But pragmatism has always been important, and he knows that if he were to want anyone to die, Seth was the best. He doesn’t want to think about the fact that it’s probably due to Seth and Allison’s distance from the their group that Seth died. He reminds himself that Seth died because of Riko.

The team reconvenes for practice on Tuesday. They meet in the lounge. Wymack is already there, along with Allison and Abby.

Nathaniel doesn’t really want to look at Allison, but he forces himself to. Her eyes are bloodshot, and she stares blankly into nothing. Her makeup is gone, and her previous strong demeanor is almost completely dismantled.

Everybody takes a few minutes to sit down and situate themselves. Dan is talking to Wymack quietly, so Nathaniel pauses by Allison.

“I’m going to destroy him,” Nathaniel says to her.

It takes a few seconds for her to slowly lift her head and look at him. She blinks, and a little bit of her old fight comes back to her eyes. She doesn’t say anything, but she nods. Nathaniel nods back, and then he goes to sit down in front of the couch with Jean and Aaron.

Jean raises an eyebrow at him, and Nathaniel shrugs. “ _You should teach Aaron French,_ ” he says instead.

Aaron, hearing his name, says, “What now?”

Jean snorts. Rolls his eyes. Says in English, “I am not teaching Aaron French.”

Aaron side-eyes Nathaniel. “Why the fuck would I want to learn French?”

Wymack clears his throat. His normal gruffness is subdued today, and he keeps glancing at Allison. “I hate to call you guys here,” he finally says. “But we have a game on Friday. And we need to keep moving.”

Wymack was always a man of few words. The team is used to this, and so all that they say in response is a quiet chorus of, “Yes, Coach.”

That week is strange. Nathaniel watches Dan and Matt’s stricken expressions as they realize that not only is practice significantly smoother without Seth, but the team is also a lot more cohesive without Seth. Nathaniel wants to tell them to just take the win, but he knows they won’t. 

After practice on Thursday night, Wymack gathers them all together. “Tomorrow’s lineup,” he says. Then, “Sit down, this is going to take a while.”

Nathaniel exchanges a tired look with Jean as Kevin seems to puff up with indignation.

“Shut up, Day,” Wymack says. “Alright. Kevin and Nathaniel, I don’t think you’re in shape to play a full game yet.”

Nathaniel agrees with him. “Yes, Coach.”

“So Dan is going to be playing striker this week.”

Nathaniel blinks. He guesses he should’ve expected that. Kevin seems to be ok with this decision, as he’s nodding.

Wymack continues, “This means that we don’t have a starting defensive dealer. Renee’s going to sub in there.” He stops, evidently waiting for the fallout from that declaration.

The team doesn’t disappoint.

“Renee doesn’t play that position!”

“Wait, but Coach, then Andrew’s playing a full game.”

“Yeah, he can’t do that!”

Wymack holds a hand up. “These are extenuating circumstances. Andrew’s already agreed.”

Kevin is enraged. “You barely agree to play with me, and yet Coach just asks and you’ll do anything?” He holds a hand up as if to smack Andrew’s shoulder.

Andrew grabs his hand, holding a knife to it. “Did I say you could touch me?”

Kevin puts his hand down, scowling. “Are you even listening?”

Andrew turns the knife over between his fingers. “It’s funnier to tell you no.”

Nicky’s still arguing. “Coach, Andrew’s meds don’t work like that. You know that.”

“I don’t need your concern,” Andrew tells Nicky. His grin and his knife stop any of Nicky’s protests.

Wymack sighs heavily. “Yeah, so that’s that. Renee has also agreed.”

Everyone is quiet. Renee and Andrew are both smiling, although one is significantly calmer than the other.

Wymack says, “Belmonte is good, and tomorrow’s going to be a tough fight, especially after what happened Saturday. We need to be on our best behavior. That means all of you, no exceptions. We can’t afford to lose any more players. Now get out, you crazies.”

Kevin spends all of Friday in a sulk. He’d evidently argued with Andrew, and when he gets on the bus and goes to the back with the rest of their group, he sits as far away from Andrew as possible. Since Jean and Aaron sit next to each other, Nathaniel now gets to choose between an overexcited Nicky, a sullen Kevin, or a manic Andrew. 

Kevin glares at him when he sits down next to Andrew.

“Rabbit,” Andrew acknowledges, moving and buzzing, still high in the sky. Due to the fact that he’s playing the whole game, he rearranged his dosages. He’s missing his dose right before they go on the court, rather than half an hour before.

“You called me a knife when we first met,” Nathaniel says.

Andrew doesn’t even look at him. “I misjudged you.”

Nathaniel quirks an eyebrow at him. “Oh?”

“You are just as predictable as the rest of them.”

Nathaniel reaches over and carefully slides one of Andrew’s knives out of his wristbands. It’s the one that Andrew pulled on Kevin yesterday. He does it without touching Andrew’s skin, even though he knows what lies under the black fabric. “Am I still predictable?”

Andrew blinks. Raises his voice. “Renee, darling, toss me a granola bar?”

Nathaniel frowns.

“Predictable,” Andrew says.

Nathaniel gives the knife back to Andrew, glad the nauseatingly familiar weight is out of his hands, and then catches the granola bar. “I had lunch, you know.”

“ _So_ predictable.” Andrew hands him the granola bar. “This is not recovery.”

“What do you know,” Nathaniel mutters, unwrapping the granola bar.

“Oh, rabbit.” Andrew tsks. “When will you learn?”

Nathaniel eats the granola bar. “Why don’t you like being touched?”

Andrew laughs. It’s cold. “Why don’t you like eating food?”

Nathaniel thinks about this. He could apologize to Andrew for the invasive question, or he could answer Andrew’s. He sighs. Verbal sparring is exhausting. “It’s not about being skinny. Or I guess, not completely.”

Andrew looks at him. Andrew blinks again.

Nathaniel smiles. “So predictable, am I?”

“I hate you,” Andrew says. He glances at their legs, side by side on the bus seat. Nathaniel doesn’t. 

Nathaniel lowers his voice, glad there’s a few seats of space between them and the rest. It takes a while for the words to come, but for some reason he wants to make Andrew understand. “Like I said, it’s not about being skinny, although I guess that’s how it starts. It starts with control, and in the Nest, this was the thing that Riko couldn’t take from me, the thing that couldn’t hurt Jean. But then one day, you wake up, and it’s different. It’s not about being skinny anymore, it’s just...it's just about being dead.”

Andrew’s grin doesn’t drop from his face. “For a liar, you tend to practice frequent honesty.”

“What makes you think I’m a liar?”

“Every word you say.”

Nathaniel shrugs. “So what about you?”

“Oh, rabbit, you ask interesting questions. Are you sure you want the answer?”

Nathaniel isn’t sure, but he nods anyway.

Andrew leans in and whispers in his ear. “I didn’t always have the choice of whether or not people touched me.” He waits for Nathaniel’s response, but Nathaniel does his best not to give him one. “Weren’t expecting that, were you!” He leans back and laughs, like it’s all a game. “That’s the end of this for today. I find myself bored.”

Nathaniel shrugs. “I’m going to sleep then.”

And then, somehow, he does. He wakes up a couple hours later to a quick dinner stop, and praises some god for the fact that they eat light meals before games. Then they’re arriving at Belmonte and being ushered through to the away locker rooms. They change into their away uniforms, white with orange lettering. Nathaniel doesn’t remember much else. Really, everything before they step on the court is a blur.

He’s is buzzing with energy, ready to burn off the food he ate for dinner. They’re in the tunnel, waiting for the ok to walk on the court. Nathaniel meets Andrew’s eyes and grins. “You ready to play your first full game?”

Andrew gives him a disdainful look. “Your poor obsession with this game is not amusing.”

Nathaniel doesn’t get to say anything else, because then Dan is yanking him to the front of the line, and then they’re walking out of the tunnel, into the bright lights of a screaming stadium.

Nathaniel doesn’t think this feeling will ever get old. Because this is the reason that he’s still fighting, still going after Riko, still dangling over the precipice of danger. Because in the end, he’s always chasing the thing that makes him happy.

For some reason, Nathaniel looks at Andrew. He can almost hear what Andrew would say in his head – _I hate you. You are pathetic._ Nathaniel smiles.

Warmups go by quickly. But when their names are called by the announcer, Nathaniel glances to Allison.

“Aaron Minyard, #5, sophomore backliner!”

Aaron steps forward and lifts his racquet, face blank. With Andrew off his meds, from afar, they almost look identical. There’s a similar unnerving blankness in the lines of their mouths and eyes.

Then, “Allison Reynolds, #7, junior offensive dealer!” Allison swallows and steps out of the line. She doesn’t smile. There’s a gap between her and Aaron in the line, one that used to be full. Nathaniel knows he’s not the only person here who is hyper-aware of it.

But Nathaniel thinks about Jean playing every day at the Nest, running through the bruises and broken bones that Riko gave him. He thinks about how Allison has to have a similar kind of strength, to get back on the court only days after someone she loved died because of it.

Wymack gathers them all together as Dan goes out for the coin toss. “Kevin, you’ll be starting with Nathaniel. Allison, you’re in the middle. Aaron and Jean, in the back, and Andrew in goal. Remember what we’ve watched of their games – they like using the zones up the sides of the court, they like flashy passes. Andrew, are you listening?”

Andrew takes a minute to respond. “ _Yes_ , Coach?”

“They like using the same clears that you like sending to Nathaniel.”

Andrew doesn’t deign to respond.

Wymack rolls his eyes and continues. “They like quick turnarounds, getting the ball in and out as fast as they can. You’ve watched them play. So you all better move your asses out there.”

Dan comes back, getting a jeer from the Belmonte mascot as she does. Nicky flips him off.

“Hemmick!”

“Sorry, Coach.” Nicky doesn’t sound sorry.

Dan rolls her eyes, but there’s an almost fond smile on her face. “We’ve got first serve.”

“Get out there,” Wymack says. “It’s time to win.”

Nathaniel’s starting again. He’s starting with Kevn and Jean again. The excitement is running through his veins.

“Pace yourself,” Kevin says as the court doors slam shut behind them. “You’re not getting a sub this half. Don’t run yourself ragged. We need your speed.”

Nathaniel nods. The buzzer starts counting down, and then it sounds. Allison looks towards him and serves the ball to Kevin, who’s already running.

They first half is brutal. Allison is almost snarling as she runs past backliners, getting the ball to Kevin and Nathaniel so they can score. Andrew, from the back, blocks all the shots he can, but when Nicky goes on for Jean, the opposing strikers start slipping through.

At halftime, they’re down by two. When they come off the court, Wymack looks at Andrew, whose stoic expression is tighter than usual.

“You owe me alcohol,” Andrew says.

Wymack nods, and then looks at the team, all drinking water and wiping sweat off their faces. “What the hell is going on here? This isn’t the kind of game I know you guys can play.”

“He’s right,” Dan finally says. “The only way anyone is going to take us seriously is if we start playing by overpowering, rather than just slipping by.”

“How are we supposed to do that?” Nicky motions in a vague direction to the court. “We have ten people, and they have, like, _thirty_!”

“Because we have ten people,” Dan responds. Wymack is watching her. “Look, you guys know how to play smart. That’s what you need to start doing. We’re used to scrimmaging without subs, doing drills where you don’t get a break at all. If we use that to our advantage, use smart plays that we can do in our sleep, then we can start getting more points earlier on.”

“I don’t want to be in this position again,” Wymack says. “From now on, we’re going to work on that – getting points earlier, as opposed to later, because now you kids are going to spend the entire second half trying to catch up, and it’s going to suck.”

“Thanks for the encouragement, Coach,” Nicky says, half-sarcastically.

“Telling you like it is, Hemmick. Dan, lead them in stretches while we talk about how the second half is going to work.”

As they stretch, Nathaniel watches Andrew and Allison. Andrew almost looks like he’s in pain, but Nathaniel knows he’s too stubborn to take his meds. Allison, on the other hand looks better than she has in days. There’s sweat dripping down her face, but she stands straight, and her eyes look fierce.

Nathaniel wants to win. Nathaniel needs to win, in his bones, to prove to Riko that he can stay true to his word. From the look in Dan’s eyes as she listens to Wymack break down their plays, she feels the same.

The Foxes go out with a vengeance in the second half, ready to fight after listening to Dan and Wymack. Matt and Aaron start, along with Kevin, Dan, and Renee.

With twenty minutes left on the clock, Nathaniel goes on for Dan, Jean goes in for Aaron, and Allison for Renee. At this point, the Foxes are simply working to keep the Terrapins away from Andrew, who looks like his every move causes him pain.

Nathaniel glances at the scoreboard every couple seconds, willing it to change. With five minutes left, Jean yells, “Nathaniel!”

Jean is one of few backliners in the game that can hurl the ball all the way to the other end of the court with incredible accuracy. Nathaniel flies up the court, knowing exactly where it’s going to land. He snatches it off the rebound, his backliner mark two steps behind him, and then slams it into the goal.

“Fuck you,” snarls his mark.

“There we go, pretty boy,” Allison tells him when he runs back to half-court for the reset. She sounds almost like herself, and Nathaniel gives her a smile.

The clock starts counting down the seconds, and one of the Terrapin strikers breaks through. Nathaniel starts running to support the defense, knowing they’re all too late to stop the shot on Andrew. But somehow, miraculously, Andrew blocks it, his stiff movements still knowing exactly where the ball is going to be in time to get it out of the goal, in time for Matt to smack it towards the offense.

And then the buzzer sounds, on a Fox victory. Nathaniel sees Matt tackle Jean and Allison in a hug that evidently neither are prepared for, but he’s already sprinting for the goal.

“ _You magnificent bastard_ ,” Nathaniel says to Andrew, just as he collapses to the ground. Nathaniel kneels beside him, grabbing his racquet and drawing it into Andrew’s lap. “ _Pretend we are talking_.”

“English, you fucking idiot,” Andrew grits out.

Nathaniel starts – he’d barely noticed the language switch. “Pretend we are talking.”

“Fuck you,” Andrew says. “Stop looking at me like that.”

Nathaniel doesn’t know what he means, but he doesn’t have a chance to ask. “Yes or no?” He asks instead. “I’ll help you up.”

Andrew has an indecipherable look on his face. “Yes.”

The huddle of victorious Foxes has reached them. Nicky and Nathaniel wrap their arms around Andrew’s shoulders, pulling him up. “Yeah, Foxes!” Nicky is screaming, over the din of the crowd. “That’s how we do it!”

* * *

The Foxes ride their victory through the weekend, taking the publicity that the win gives them over the insanity that had surrounded Seth’s death. But it’s Tuesday when Dan grabs Nathaniel during practice. “Team pizza, tomorrow before the game,” she says. “Bring them all.”

Nathaniel pauses. “You think I can get the cousins to come to a team meal,” he says flatly.

Dan raises an eyebrow. “You got them to bring us to Eden’s.”

Nathaniel shrugs in acknowledgement that she has a point. “I’ll see what I can do.”

“You’re our in,” Dan says. “The banquet is soon, and we need to be able to present a united front. Everyone there is going to try to tear us apart. We need to be able to connect with them. I know you’ve already gone down their rabbit hole but just…don’t forget about Matt and Allison and I.”

“Ok,” Nathaniel says. He doesn’t think he will, since he hasn’t already. After all, they need the upperclassmen in order to get to finals. And Dan’s right about the banquet.

Which is why Nathaniel finds himself smoking a cigarette after practice with Andrew, listening to the rest play Mario Kart in the other room.

“What do you want?” Andrew finally asks.

“Team dinner with the upperclassmen before the game tomorrow.”

“Never mind.”

“What about an exchange?” Nathaniel asks.

Andrew sighs loudly. “Everything with you is about these exchanges.”

Nathaniel squints at Andrew. “If I recall, you’re the one who started it.”

Instead of replying, Andrew says, “Spar with me.”

Whatever Nathaniel had been expecting, it wasn’t that. “And we’ll go to the dinner tomorrow night?”

“You have to tell them. Get moving, rabbit, or I might change my mind.”

Unsurprisingly, Aaron and Kevin complain. Surprisingly, Jean stays quiet, and Nicky looks almost hopeful. In the end, they wander over to the girls’ room just in time for the pizza to arrive, and Dan and Matt greet them enthusiastically, and Renee smiles, and Allison nods at them, which Nathaniel supposes might still be the best she can do.

They have almost an hour until they even have to be at the court. Of course, in their chatter, the topic of the banquet comes up. Nicky is badgering them all about having dates, going from one person to another until they give him an answer.

“Andrew and I are going together,” Renee offers.

“Great!” Nicky exclaims. He turns to Jean, who’s sitting next to her. “Now, what about you? I bet Aaron could hook you up with a pretty Vixen.” He winks.

Jean freezes, and then, “Uhhh, I’m going with Kevin.” 

Everyone looks at Kevin. Kevin is entranced, watching a USC-Columbia game (the team they’re playing tonight) on his phone. He doesn’t react.

Nathaniel snorts. Kevin’s going to love that one.

Dan laughs. “Guess I owe Alli some money, then.”

“What the fuck,” Jean says. “You guys bet on _everything_.”

Renee is smiling gently, and Dan is nodding, but Allison looks lost in space. Meanwhile, Nicky turns on Nathaniel. “So what about you, then?”

Nathaniel pauses, and then looks across the circle. “Allison, you want to go to the banquet with me?”

Allison looks up, and for a moment her eyes are blank and her face is frozen. But then something gives, and she almost smiles. “Sure.”

Nicky squawks for a minute, and then gives up, moving on to his next victim. “Aaron, when’re you going to ask Katelyn?”

Aaron glances at Andrew. “Soon,” Aaron says. “Fuck off.”

“Scared?” Andrew mocks.

“Fuck you.”

Matt puts a hand out. “Chill, you two.”

Andrew continues as if Matt hasn’t said anything. “He’s just scared cause the last woman he loved died. Coincidences are so horrible, aren’t they?”

“Whoa, Andrew,” Nicky says.

Aaron stands up, face black with anger. He walks out of the room and into the kitchen, banging around and generally making a lot of noise. Andrew is laughing to himself.

Dan sighs. “So much for team dinner.” She turns to Nicky and Andrew. “What the hell was that about?”

Nicky looks vaguely uncomfortable, but he relents after a minute and explains. “Long story short, when they were born, their mom put them in for adoption. But she changed her mind, and took Aaron back. Left Andrew in the system. Like fourteen years later, some cop recognized Andrew and put the whole story together. Got them reunited. Tilda, their mom, wasn’t that great. She died in a car crash with Andrew in the car, and I came home from Germany to help take care of these assholes.”

“Funny how these things work out,” Andrew agrees. He’s smiling, but Nathaniel’s been watching his face. For a moment, that smile got a little less manic and a lot more cold.

Nathaniel thinks he’s learning something about Andrew here.

He doesn’t have time to think about it, though, because then Aaron is back, sitting himself firmly down next to Jean and ignoring Andrew. Nathaniel thinks that he’s going to have to find a way to fix that, if they’re going to make it to championships.

Instead, Kevin pokes Nathaniel, evidently having finished what he was watching. “ _Finish that_.”

Nathaniel gives him a slight glare.

“Yo, speak English,” Nicky says.

“As if y’all don’t jump into German frequently,” Matt says.

“I’m gay, this is oppression.”

Nathaniel eats the pizza. He’ll run it off later anyway.

The rest of their dinner is stilted but not altogether horrible, after they get past the bomb Andrew dropped into the conversation. At the end, Dan says, “I’m making this mandatory. Team dinners at least once a week.”

“No,” Andrew replies cheerfully.

Dan gives Nathaniel a look, and he says, “We’ll see.”

Somehow, by the time they reach the stadium, the twins are back to normal. Nathaniel’s not sure he understands their relationship at all, but he thinks he kind of wants to. When they go out for warmups, Aaron even waves at a small, dark-haired cheerleader. She waves back with her fluorescent pom-poms.

“Katelyn?” Nathaniel asks Jean.

“Yeah,” Jean replies.

“Huh,” Nathaniel says. “Ten bucks says he asks her tonight.”

“That would be cheating,” Jean tells him. “I already told you he’s going to.”

Nathaniel shrugs, smiling. “Can’t blame me for trying.”

Jean rolls his eyes.

Wymack has to pull the same stunt he did for the game versus Belmonte, leaving Andrew in goal the entire game, but tonight he gives Nathaniel more playing time. “To get you used to playing the full game,” Wymack says. “I want you scoring. You better get at least three, or I’m signing you up for a marathon.” Then he pauses, and seems to remember something. “And for god’s sake, if you so much as step one foot into the press room after the game, I’ll be personally putting your head through a fucking window.”

Nathaniel laughs and says, “Catch me if you can, Coach.”

Anything that happened dissolves as soon as they step on the court. The upperclassmen forget about the earlier strangeness, and Aaron takes out all his aggression on the opposing strikers, slamming into them and clearing the ball up to Nathaniel.

At halftime, they’re up by two. It’s six to four, and there’s something fiery in everyone’s eyes. (Minus Andrew, of course.) Nathaniel isn’t even tired, can’t even feel the grossness of the pizza in his stomach anymore. All he can focus on is that they’re going to win, that he scored, that there’s something electric about this game that makes it feel like the blood in his veins is more than just blood.

“Junkie,” Andrew tells him, and Nathaniel grins, sharp and savage.

Needless to say, they win. Nathaniel wouldn’t accept anything else, at this point.

When the buzzer sounds, the crowd, dressed all in orange and white, rise to their feet and scream. Nathaniel glances over at Columbia’s team, hanging their heads. He wants to feel bad, but he doesn’t. Instead, he runs to Andrew with Kevin. They each grab a shoulder, and Kevin starts criticizing the game almost immediately.

“Kevin, if you don’t shut up, I will cut open your throat,” Andrew says.

Kevin doesn’t shut up, but when they join the Fox huddle, Aaron reluctantly putting his arm around Nathaniel and Andrew, nobody can hear Kevin. All they can hear is the roar of the crowd, Dan praising them for their teamwork, Nicky and Matt screaming something about kicking ass and taking names.

There’s something warm in Nathaniel’s chest. There’s something in him that realizes he doesn’t want to let this go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wup. sorry aha. also i listened to something good by alt-j on repeat while writing this, current favorite song (until tomorrow, probably) so yea. as always, leave a comment if you liked it :)


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which the foxes go to a banquet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> alright guys this is bad but its one am and im so insanely exhausted and i really wanted to get this posted. also yea some of this came from the books cause i couldnt improve on perfection. no revisions we die like men. ily yall enjoy

It’s the day of the southeastern district banquet, and the day that the Foxes have been dreading for months. When afternoon arrives, they pack their fancy clothes under the bus and settle in for a four hour drive.

Nathaniel is squished between Kevin and Jean in one seat, Nathaniel almost sitting in both of their laps in order to fit. It garners them an odd look or two from Aaron, but when they start seeing signs for Blackwell, Nathaniel knows it was a good choice. Kevin is breathing like he’s run a marathon, and Jean has completely shut down. The only reassurance Nathaniel can give them right now is arms threaded around shoulders.

They stop at a gas station about half an hour from the school. Wymack comes back on with a bag, and Nathaniel hears Nicky say, “Holy – how come Nathaniel gets to be on the cover of a magazine? And how come they chose a picture where he and Kevin look _hot_?”

“What?” Nathaniel stands up, snatches the magazine out of his hands. Kevin stands with him, and they both stare at it in dawning horror.

It’s Exy Magazine, and there, right on the cover, is a picture of Kevin and Nathaniel from the Belmonte game, jogging back to half-court, their racquets knocking together in the air. It’s obviously edited, the orange _Palmetto_ on the front of their jerseys popping, the court lights illuminating in such a way that it looks like they’re the only people there. The title of the editorial is _Exy’s Prodigal Sons and their Civil War – Is the Reign of the Ravens Over?_ and it’s the biggest thing on the front.

“I am framing this,” Dan says.

Nathaniel spins to Wymack. “Did you know about this?”

Wymack is almost smiling. “They may have called to ask,” he says, his tone pleased.

Nathaniel looks back down at the magazine, and then at Kevin. There’s a caged look in Kevin’s eyes. Nathaniel doesn’t tend to get nervous, but he thinks this should make him nervous. If facing Riko before was going to be terrifying, this is just going to make him more angry.

Andrew’s voice comes out of nowhere. He grips the back of Kevin’s neck. “I said I’d protect you,” he says. “Your little rabbit said he’d protect you. It’d do you well to listen to someone other than yourself for once.”

Kevin nods, just barely. Jean doesn’t even react. Nathaniel reminds himself – this is why he has to be strong.

Wymack tosses a bottle of something alcoholic to Kevin; evidently this was the other thing in the bag. Kevin grabs it like a lifeline, taking a couple big gulps before Nathaniel takes it away from him.

When they get to Blackwell, it’s dark. They get off the bus all together, Kevin almost trembling. Nathaniel lets go of Jean and Kevin reluctantly, only to tap Andrew. “Watch them. I don’t know what Riko is going to do.”

“I said I would,” Andrew says. And as if he can’t help himself, “Save me a dance, rabbit.”

Nathaniel, despite the darkness that has settled on the evening, smiles. “For tradition.”

The banquet is being held in Blackwell’s exy stadium, on the opposite end of the campus from the school. There are buses here already, almost all thirteen other teams. Nathaniel sees the Ravens’ bus and thinks bleakly about the last time he was on it. The night is just as shadowed as it was then.

Wymack hurries them through darkened hallways until they arrive at an area that they are directed to use for changing purposes. Allison had ordered Nathaniel custom-fitting black dress pants and a white dress shirt, and a midnight blue tie that she has to knot around his neck. He knows how to tie one (for the most part) but it seems to cheer her up. Her dress, a complementary midnight blue, is tight fitting, flowing all the way to her ankles with a slit up the side. Her hair is coiled in golden ringlets, and there’s a lot of makeup on her face.

“You look nice,” Nathaniel tells her, although he’s honestly not sure.

Allison snorts. “Thanks,” she says, as if she can tell that he’s just saying it. Then, “Punch that asshole in the mouth for me, would you?”

Nathaniel laughs, and nods.

The Foxes reassemble. Dan and Matt are matching, and somehow Andrew’s all black ensemble works with Renee’s silver dress. Katelyn looks delighted to be there, her purple dress lining up with Aaron’s purple tie. Nicky has a date as well, a man named Jim, and Nicky is wearing an obnoxiously orange bowtie. So are Jean and Kevin, both looking moderately uncomfortable, and Nathaniel sighs as he thinks that they probably let Nicky dress them.

Andrew’s eyes rest on Nathaniel. Nathaniel wonders what that’s about, but before he can ask, Wymack ushers them along. For once, the team isn’t divided, Allison walking with Nathaniel and Kevin and Jean, Renee talking gently to Katelyn and walking with the cousins, Dan and Matt leading the pack.

“ _Damn,_ you boys clean up well,” Nicky says. “Like, clubbing is one thing, but this is a hello, please marry me and fuck me on our shared kitchen table, kind of thing.”

“Nicky,” Andrew says warningly.

“Shut up, Nicky,” Aaron says at the same time.

When they enter the walk onto the court, which has been repurposed with tables and chairs, a nearby coach with a microphone announces their arrival, and conversation stops. There are more than two hundred athletes here, along with various staff members and higher-ups in the collegiate exy world, and almost all of them are staring at the Foxes.

“Oh, fuck,” Dan says under her breath as they’re directed to the table that bears their name. Because of course, on the other side of the table, is the Ravens.

Wymack points a finger at Nathaniel. “ _Do not_ pick a fight.”

Nathaniel shrugs. “I will if it’s necessary.”

"I’m going to need alcohol to deal with this,” Wymack mutters.

As they sit down, Riko smiles, and Andrew endeavors to look even more unhinged in response. Nathaniel ensures that Kevin and Jean are seated next to him, and then he glances across the table at the line of all black. One of the Raven strikers, Thomas, is looking at the three of them with something horrible and bitter in his eyes, one of which is covered by a fading shiner. 

Nathaniel pulls his father’s chilling smile across his face, genially greeting Thomas.

Thomas ignores him, so Nathaniel tunes into the conversation as Dan acknowledges Riko. She offers him a hand, ever respectful.

Riko looks at her distastefully.

Dan shrugs, takes her hand back. “Riko,” she says.

“Hennessey,” Riko responds.

Nathaniel glances at Dan, who doesn’t react, but Matt looks angry. Allison turns and whispers in Nathaniel’s ear. “Her stage name, back when she was a stripper.”

Nathaniel rolls his eyes. “I see you haven’t lost your flair for ridiculous dramatics,” he says to Riko.

“Wesninski,” Riko replies. “You are wearing the wrong colors.”

Nathaniel pauses, pretending to think. He glances down at his shirt. “Hmm, I don’t think so.”

“I think he looks fabulous,” Nicky says. “Doesn’t he look fabulous…what’s your name?” He snaps his fingers at the Raven sitting across the table from him, who glares balefully at him. “Or not, I guess.”

The ends of the table begin to quietly converse, but Nathaniel knows everyone is listening to the four of them.

“Your hair is…amusing,” Riko says to Jean.

Jean almost flinches, but instead grips Nathaniel’s arm under the table. “Thank you,” he says quietly. “Renee did it.”

In a moment of good timing, Andrew leans across the table and snaps his fingers in front of Riko. “We meet again,” he says brightly.

Riko doesn’t even acknowledge him. Instead, a Raven named Jordan answers, “Do not speak. You are a disgrace to this entire sport. A goalkeeper who doesn’t even care enough to play?”

Nathaniel examines his drink. “And yet somehow, his stats are better than yours. Isn’t that right, Kevin?”

Kevin, who has yet to say a word, clears his throat. “Yeah,” he says, his voice only slightly unsteady. “His save rate is fifteen percent higher even on your good days.”

Nathaniel wonders how hard that was for Kevin to say. “It’s alright, Jordan. We all know you’ve been incredibly preoccupied, what with your secret boyfriend trying to recover from that car accident.”

Further down the table, Dan chokes. “ _Nathaniel_ ,” she says warningly.

Nathaniel doesn’t really care. If he knows, Riko knows, and Jordan’s boyfriend may as well be already dead. He doesn’t apologize for what he does to stay alive.

“Maybe we should all try to get along,” Renee says gently. “After all, our teams are going to play each other. Shouldn’t we try to encourage a positive relationship?”

“A positive relationship would require you being our equals,” Thomas says. “And you’re not.”

Allison turns to Nathaniel. “I can’t believe I shaved my legs for this idiocy.” 

“How low you have sunk,” Riko says to Nathaniel. “The incompetence of your team astounds me. ‘Exy’s prodigal sons’, sitting in a row, scared of shadows.”

“You will recall,” Nathaniel responds. “We have never been scared of you.”

Riko motions to Reacher, a backliner. Reacher lunges out of his seat and across the table in a feigned movement towards Jean. Jean does flinch this time, the table rattling as his knees jerk into it.

“Really,” Riko says, and snorts. “Could have fooled me.”

“Jump scares are what kindergarteners do,” Aaron says scornfully, from the end of the table. “That wasn’t even stupid, it was just immature.”

Riko curls his lip at him, almost like he’s going to say something scathing, but Andrew flips a fork in his fingers and says, “Riko!”

Thomas growls, “Shut up, _Doe_.”

Nicky stiffens, further along the table, but Andrew laughs. “Beating a man with a shovel is no use when he has already hit rock bottom.”

“Let’s please try to be pleasant,” Renee says, yet again.

A backliner named Jenkins gives her a disgusted look. “Pleasantries need not be exchanged when your team is only here because of your coach. You don’t deserve to be here, and your despicable performance on the court shows that.”

“Actually – ” Dan starts, but she’s interrupted by Kevin.

“They’re doing very well,” he says, and Nathaniel wonders where the sudden display of spine came from. “Their improvement rate is going up exponentially, rather than stagnating, and their… _our_ jump in standings is better than any other team in Class I history.”

The rest of the Foxes look almost shocked at the positivity.

Riko just scoffs. “Don’t get cocky, Kevin. You are only what we made you.”

“Kevin doesn’t need to be cocky,” Nathaniel says. “Unlike you, his skills speak for themselves.”

“And I suppose your dead former striker speaks for yours,” Riko says.

Allison flinches at Nathaniel’s side, and Jean grips Nathaniel’s wrist so tight there’ll probably be a bruise.

Nathaniel straightens. He’s done listening to Riko. “Look, I get it, being raised as a superstar must suck. We talk about it all the time, how the whole all black, edgy, ‘my parents don’t love me’ thing must be working real well for you. After all, forcing everyone to bow down to you must do wonders for your ego, especially since you can’t get any kind of recognition from people who actually matter.”

Andrew lets out a delighted laugh, and surprisingly, so does Allison. Jean is cutting off circulation to Nathaniel’s hand, under the table. Dan mutters in Matt’s ear, and he stands up, almost knocking over a chair in his haste to walk away.

Nathaniel’s on a roll though, so he continues. “I know it must be awful, that you have to come here and pretend that you’re capable of social interaction like a normal human being, but unfortunately, so do the rest of us. And I know it’s not your fault that you are immature and mentally deranged, but we stopped pitying you when you started insulting our dead. So I’m going to kindly request that you and every one of your teammates shut the _fuck_ up, and stop dragging us into this bullshit.”

Nobody speaks for a minute. Further down the table, Dan has her head in her hands. Jean hisses, “ _Nathaniel_.”

Riko takes a minute to recover, but then he spits, “Listen to your pet, Wesninski.”

“Didn’t you hear what I said, or are you deaf as well as stupid? Shut your fucking mouth.”

“Or what?” Riko asks, because apparently he can’t take a hint.

“Well, see, I’m respecting my coach’s wishes and _not_ starting a fight with you. But really, Riko, now that we’re on an even playing field…” He smiles at Riko, crazy, sharp, leaning close, and takes a sadistic kind of pleasure in the other Ravens subtly moving away from him. “Do you really think you can beat me?”

“Wesninski,” he hears Wymack growl. “What the hell have you done?”

Nathaniel relaxes back in his chair and turns around, smile still firmly in place. “I tried to be nice, Coach, I really did.”

Wymack has the long-suffering expression of a pet-owner whose cat repeatedly jumps off balconies with the expectation that it will always land on its feet. “Get up, all of you,” he says. “Abby’s talking to the coordinators about finding us a new table.”

As the Foxes jump out of their chairs and follow Wymack, Jean turns to Nathaniel. “ _Do you have a death wish?_ ” He asks in rapid French. “ _Is that what this is? Do you actually want to die? You fucking idiot_!”

Kevin, listening to the conversation, is nodding furiously, as white as if he’s seen a ghost.

Nathaniel shrugs. He’d rather they be focused on his supposed idiocy than the possibility of their collective demise.

They’re seated at another table. Dan interrupts Jean’s quiet fury to ask, “Are you ok, Nathaniel?”

“Yeah,” Nathaniel says.

“That was kind of terrifying,” Matt tells him. “Like fuckin epic, bro, but also terrifying.”

Allison, for her part, looks more alive than she has in a while. She grins at Nathaniel. “Thank you.”

Nathaniel nods. Kevin scowls, and Jean sighs. “ _You are so stupid,_ ” he says, before pointedly turning to engage in conversation with Katelyn and Aaron.

Blackwell’s coach grabs the microphone and gives a short speech about the beginning of the season. Nathaniel doesn’t really listen, because he keeps getting the sensation that someone is watching him. But as soon as the speech ends, the event coordinators bring out all the food.

Most of the team is distracted; seated across from them are half of the coaches in attendance, and so Dan and Kevin are keeping the conversation flowing by discussing exy with them. But Nathaniel stares down at his plate. After the argument with Riko and the hours since lunch, his stomach is delightfully empty, and it feels like another kind of victory.

Allison looks at him. “Try this,” she says abruptly, and begins placing food on his plate for him. “The summer before my junior year of high school, we went to the Caribbean. My parents flew us down, and one of my father’s yachts was waiting. The seafood there was very, very good, and of course my parents only accepted the best.”

Nathaniel nods, not sure where this is going. He doesn’t really like the amount of food on his plate, but Kevin, even as he carries on an emphatic conversation about the Trojans’ offense with an adjacent coach, keeps nudging at him.

Allison continues, “It was a gorgeous place, and the food was very good. I’m going to go back there, someday, and maybe take Renee. I’d like to appreciate the food, instead of just the aftertaste of how it felt when I brought it back up.”

Nathaniel freezes, and looks at her, and she looks back unashamedly. “You are very stupid,” she tells him.

“I know.”

It takes a while for him to finish, but Allison tells him stories about vacations she’s gone on, and Kevin draws him into yet another conversation about the Trojans. And then the food is gone, his plate being cleared away by another crew of servers. They collapse the tables, and clear off the court until it’s left empty. Teams begin to meld and move around, half the area turning into a dance floor, a group starting up a makeshift volleyball game.

They all look at Wymack for a minute. He stares back, and then makes a shooing motion. “Go, go, enjoy yourselves.” They scatter, but not before Wymack adds, “And Wesninski, if you so much as say one more word to Riko, I’ll have you running marathons until the day you graduate.”

“Don’t worry, Coach,” Andrew says. He turns to Nathaniel, and in a mockery of their first meeting, asks, “Might I have this dance?”

“We’ve got to watch Kevin and Jean,” Nathaniel says. He doesn’t trust Riko not to try something.

Andrew huffs. “ _You_ will watch them. _I_ will rejoin you when I find a drink.”

“Has anyone ever told you that you’re a dramatic fuck?” Nathaniel says to his retreating back.

Andrew flips him off.

Unfortunately, Nathaniel’s life is made difficult as Aaron and Katelyn drag Renee and Jean out onto the dance floor. In the flashing lights that have been set up, Jean’s hair looks fluorescent. Renee winks at Nathaniel over Jean’s shoulder, and Nathaniel decides that Jean will be fine.

It’s ten minutes later, when he’s standing with Matt, Allison, Dan, and a bored Andrew, watching Kevin make a fool of himself on the volleyball court, that things get worse again.

“Ten bucks says he gets really mad because he misses the serve again,” Allison says.

“I think he can do it.” Matt is following the game intensely. “Oh, never mind.”

“Damn,” Dan says. She calls out, “C’mon, Kevin, you call yourself an athlete!”

Then, “Oh, fuck no,” Matt says.

“Finally!” Andrew says. “Things will get interesting.”

Nathaniel turns to where he’s looking, and sighs. The Ravens are walking towards them in a v-formation, like a black wedge cutting through the crowd. “You are like geese,” Nathaniel tells Riko when they arrive, which makes Allison and Matt laugh.

Thomas says, “We thought we’d remind you what a real team looks like.”

“Yeah, now that I actually look at you guys from the outside, I realize how stupid you look.” Nathaniel raises his eyebrow at Riko. “It’s like you all collectively share one braincell. Riko gets it on the bad days, and Jenkins gets it on the good days.” And Thea, his brain adds, but she’s not actually a Raven anymore.

“I thought I’d show you how a cohesive team works,” Riko says to Dan. “And how a good captain can control them.”

“Way to stoke your own ego, man,” Matt says.

Dan just snorts. “Yeah, a good captain that uses fear and pain to break his team. I’ll pass.”

“Oh, I forgot,” Jordan puts in. “You’re accustomed to letting men use you.”

Nathaniel thinks about what Allison said earlier about Dan’s past, and Matt’s expression grows stormy. But neither of them have a chance to do anything before Allison is delicately grasping the hem of her dress, and bringing a stiletto-clad foot up between Jordan’s legs. He yelps and curls inward, looking even more humiliated as his teammates step away from him and Andrew laughs.

“Aw, babe,” Dan says, sounding touched.

“No problem, babe.”

Nathaniel blinks at Allison. “That was impressive.”

“Should put you in heels, pretty boy,” Allison says, and floofs his hair.

Riko interrupts them. “Nathaniel, I’d like to borrow you for a second.”

“No,” Dan says definitively.

Andrew waves a hand in her direction. “That’s what she said,” and then chuckles to himself about a joke only he understands.

Riko looks at Nathaniel. “Are you coming?” For a moment, his eyes cut towards Kevin, still playing volleyball.

“I’ll be just a minute,” Nathaniel tells the others.

As he’s led away by the Ravens, he hears Dan say, “I finally understand why Coach tells us every day that we’re going to kill him before he has a chance to get old.”

Nathaniel glances around him. “This is almost an armed escort. Like those ones for high-security prisoners. Are you scared, Riko?” He taunts.

“This is how they took your father to prison,” Riko tells him. “If you live long enough, you’ll be just like him.”

“I should hope by then I’ll have killed you, yes,” Nathaniel responds. In another life, being told he would grow up to be just like his father would terrify him. In this life, he knows it is the only way he can protect those he loves.

And besides, Riko’s not wrong – he probably won’t be alive long enough to grow up anyway.

Nathaniel loosens his tie a little bit, affecting the appearance of boredom. Reacher yanks him into a side hallway, and Nathaniel regrets being short.

Riko stands partially in the shadows of the hallway. “Do not forget who you belong to,” he says threateningly. “Or I will break every one of your precious backliners’ fingers one by one, starting with the faggot’s.”

Nathaniel’s heart skips a beat. “Get away from me,” he says calmly. “Or Andrew and my coach will be arriving shortly to make you do so.”

Riko doesn’t get a chance to say anything else before the door opens. Sure enough, there’s Andrew and Wymack and Matt.

“Wesninski,” Wymack says. “What did I tell you?”

“We’re done here,” Nathaniel tells Riko, and then he does something that he knows Riko absolutely hates – he walks away.

“Let’s get out of here,” he tells Wymack.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you guys for the support :))


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which andrew loses control of his gay, kevin loses control of his nerd, and there's some feelings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ye so this is fillery (also sorry i disappeared for like a week) but yea its what i got and i hope its enjoyed! there will be more soon (ravens vs foxes game, anyone?) i promise

The day after the banquet, Nathaniel wakes to yelling.

“Would you stop being so damn stubborn!”

For a moment, he’s incredibly disoriented. He holds himself still as he remembers where he is – Wymack’s house. The man had taken one look at the mess that was Kevin when they got back from the banquet, and then he’d brought the three of them home without another word. Nathaniel is still tangled up with Jean, where they’d had fallen asleep in a pile. Kevin is gone, assumedly why he and Wymack are currently yelling at each other.

Nathaniel groans. Kevin normally respects Wymack, but he’s probably off from interacting with Riko last night. Nathaniel pokes Jean, who wakes with a start.

Jean grunts. “What.”

“Kevin appears to be sticking his dick in places it doesn’t belong, yet again.”

Jean rubs his face blearily. “You can’t talk about that after what happened last night.”

Nathaniel starts protesting. “Ok, I definitely was in the right to be – ”

“It’s too early for your bullshit.”

“It’s ten am!”

“Exactly.” Jean sighs. “Let’s get breakfast and see if we can avoid both of them.”

Unfortunately, it’s too late for that, as Kevin storms into the room.

“First father-son argument?” Nathaniel asks, probably more sarcastically than social cues would deem appropriate. Kevin glares at him, shoves them out of the room, and slams the door shut. Jean sighs and mutters something about drama queens.

Wymack is sitting in the kitchen, staring tiredly at the table.

“What was that about?” Nathaniel asks, sitting down next to him.

“Exy,” Wymack says.

Jean snorts. “Of course.”

“Just like his mother,” Wymack says under his breath, and then, “I made bacon, but it’s probably cold now.” His eyes catch on Nathaniel’s bare chest. “For God’s sake kid, eat some food, you look like you’re starving.”

Nathaniel’s heart jumps into his throat. He should’ve put a shirt on.

Jean clears his throat. “You should probably know that Kevin is allergic to strawberries.”

Wymack chokes. “He’s – what?”

Nathaniel grabs the lifeline that Jean has sent him. “Yeah,” he says. “He’s allergic to strawberries. Not like, allergic to the point where he’ll die, but allergic to the point where…what happened, Jean?”

Jean sighs. “When we were little, he ate a strawberry. He got hives, and he got very angry.”

Wymack looks horrified. “Does he have an epipen?”

“He did, back at the Nest,” Jean says.

Wymack looks even more horrified. “Does he…does he still have it?”

Nathaniel tilts his head. “I’m pretty sure we left it on the bus at the winter banquet.”

“What the – nine months ago? Why didn’t you bring this up earlier?”

Jean has the grace to look mildly embarrassed. Nathaniel just shrugs. “He really hates strawberries, and I mean, it’s not like he’s died yet.”

“Holy Christ,” Wymack says. “Does Abby know about this?”

“I wouldn’t know.” Nathaniel looks at the floor. “He doesn’t really like to talk about it. But at least now, if he dies, you can claim life insurance.”

Wymack rubs his face. “You’re all going to drive me to an early grave.”

“Yes, Coach,” Nathaniel says.

By the time the cousins swing by with the Maserati, Kevin has come out of the room and seemingly made up with Wymack. They’re sitting and watching a USC match on the TV, gesticulating wildly and talking about plays for the Foxes.

“Like father, like son,” Jean says, watching as they both flip out when Jeremy Knox scores.

“That was a good goal,” Nathaniel points out.

Jean rolls his eyes, and then, “Nicky said Andrew asked you to dance last night.”

Nathaniel has his eyes on the game. “Yes?”

“He actually _did_?”

“Yes, and?”

“Oh, god. Aaron was right.”

Nathaniel ignores whatever kind of crisis Jean is having in favor of watching the game until someone bangs on the dor. Jean opens it to find both of the twins.

“Aaron,” Jean says. “ _God save us_.”

“Wrong language, you French bastard. Also, why aren’t you wearing a shirt?”

Andrew walks over to Nathaniel. “How’s that target on your back feel?”

“Familiar,” Nathaniel tells him.

“You’re pathetic,” Andrew says, watching Nathaniel intently watching the Trojans game.

Nathaniel shrugs. He glances at Andrew, whose eyes are resting on his chest. Nathaniel winces. He’d forgotten he wasn’t wearing a shirt, and he doesn’t need a lecture right now. It’s already been pointed out to him that his ribcage is poking out of his skin.

Then Nathaniel remembers what Riko said. “We should probably talk later,” he says.

There’s a choking noise from Aaron. “Kevin’s allergic to _strawberries_?”

Kevin looks over from where he’s sitting in front of the TV. “You told them?”

Nathaniel rolls his eyes.

Andrew gleefully says, “I have strawberries back at the dorm.”

“Minyard,” Wymack growls. “Don’t you dare.”

Back at the cousins’ dorm, Kevin finds another exy game to put on. Andrew crooks a finger at Nathaniel, walking into the kitchen. He starts chopping up the aforementioned strawberries and putting them in a bowl. After a couple minutes, he glances at Nathaniel. “Did you have something to say, or are we going to continue to stand here and waste time?”

“Oh,” Nathaniel says. “Right, so Riko’s probably going to go after Aaron and Nicky.”

“This is what you wanted to talk about?” Andrew laughs. “He has been doing that since the start, rabbit.”

“No, this could be worse. Trust me.”

“Trust you, the liar?”

“You’ve trusted me so far.”

“I’ll trust you when you tell me what I’m missing.”

Nathaniel tries not to choke on the strawberry he’s eating. “What do you mean?”

Andrew rolls his eyes. “Playing coy will bring this conversation to a very swift end. What does Riko know that I don’t?”

“That truth might cost you.”

Andrew leans against the counter as the sounds of Jean reprimanding Kevin come from the next room over. He gestures – a bored, _come on_ motion.

“Why don’t you like exy?” Nathaniel asks.

“You are infuriatingly predictable,” Andrew says. “Why should I like exy?”

“You’re good at it, like, really good, better than any keeper I’ve ever played against. And you gave your game to Kevin. You must care at least a little, so why don’t you act like it?”

There’s a knife pressed to his cheek, but a lifetime of familiarity with knives keeps Nathaniel from flinching.

“Do not make the mistake of thinking I care,” Andrew says softly.

Nathaniel can’t help it. He laughs. “Oops.” His brain tries to overlay Andrew’s face with Lola’s, so he asks again. “Why don’t you?”

“It is a means to an end,” Andrew says. “In the same way that someone earthbound would do anything to fly, wouldn’t you do anything to feel solid ground under your feet again?”

“I’m not sure,” Nathaniel says. “I think it’d be nice to fly away from my problems.”

“Some of us hate heights.” Andrew touches the knife to the 3 on Nathaniel’s cheekbone. He doesn’t press down, just lays it there. A light, feathery touch. The kindest knife Nathaniel’s ever met. “Why do you keep the tattoo?”

Nathaniel swallows. He reaches up to the knife, moves it away. He suddenly realizes how close he and Andrew are standing. “It’s a reminder,” he finally says. “What we are, and what we could’ve been.” He taps a finger very, very lightly on Andrew’s armbands. “No different from those, in a way.”

They’re both quiet for a minute, and then Andrew laughs. “Sharp-tongued, aren’t you? Always the liar, talking circles around the question instead of addressing it.”

Nathaniel shrugs and pops a strawberry in his mouth. “Truth for a truth,” he says. “If you want another question, you’re going to have give me another answer.”

“You have a death wish,” Andrew tells him.

“So I’ve heard.”

* * *

The next few weeks pass by quietly. Nathaniel waits for Riko’s retaliation, but it doesn’t come. He and Andrew keep watch, making sure that their people are safe, but still, nothing happens.

Somehow the weeks are good ones, because miraculously, the Foxes are winning. And even more miraculously, they’re interacting in a way that would, to the untrained eye, appear to be _bonding_.

On the court, they’ve stopped fighting. Instead, they’re working together. They’re not the well-oiled machine that the Ravens are, but maybe, Nathaniel dares to hope, they can be better. After all, they may have been the laughingstock of the NCAA for a couple years, but they’re still in Class I, and they’re still some of the best athletes the country has to offer. They haven’t lost a game now, not since the first one of the season, and they’re adapting quickly, giving Nathaniel and Kevin even more game time and moving towards putting everyone back in their original positions. Based on the stats Wymack gives them in the rundowns after games, and his contemplative expressions during practice, even he’s surprised by the speed of their improvement.

Off the court, there’s still a gap between the two groups, but it’s starting to mend. In between classes (in which he struggles to stay awake; Kevin hasn’t stopped and neither have night practices) Nathaniel is beginning to learn more and more about his teammates. There are quiet stories from Nicky about the cousins’ upbringings, but also about his life with Erik in Germany. Nathaniel and Jean get the truth behind Dan’s past told unapologetically by the woman herself, and Renee spars with Nathaniel, telling him about her own complicated relationship with knives. He even looks into what Allison had hinted to him at the banquet, but too many articles about her descent into bulimia and her amazing recovery leave a bitter taste in his mouth.

One evening after practice, Matt pokes Nathaniel in the locker room. Nathaniel raises an eyebrow at him, pulling on a shirt. “Team dinner,” Matt says. “Dan’s orders.”

Andrew makes an over exaggerated noise of displeasure.

Aaron and Jean trade glances. “We’ll go,” Aaron says. Kevin shrugs, while Nicky glances at Andrew, waiting for him to argue with Aaron. Aaron meets Andrew’s eyes defiantly.

Andrew doesn’t say anything.

Nathaniel shrugs and offers Matt a smile. “Guess we’ll see you there.”

Back at the dorms, their group hesitates in the hall. It’s late, and Nicky and Kevin are glancing at Andrew, but Nathaniel pushes them through to the girls’ room.

Allison glances up from the floor. She curses, and Renee laughs quietly. “I told you they’d come.”

“They’re here?” Matt comes walking in from the kitchen, grinning broadly. “Aw, hell yeah, you guys are here _and_ you proved Allison wrong!”

Aaron and Jean make themselves comfortable on the floor, and Nathaniel sits down between Kevin and Andrew, next to Renee.

“Matt,” Nicky says seriously.

“Nicky,” Matt says, with a little more surprise.

“We need to come up with a cooler handshake than Aaron and Jean. This is of utmost importance.”

Renee turns to Andrew. “Allison bet that you wouldn’t show up.”

“All of us?” Nathaniel asks curiously.

Renee glances around. Dan’s still rummaging around in the kitchen, but Matt and Nicky are still standing, making up their handshake. Kevin has somehow drawn Allison into a conversation about a book, and Jean and Aaron are listening.

“No,” Renee says with a gentle laugh. “Just Andrew.”

“Jury’s still out,” Andrew tells her. “This is awful.”

“And yet you’re not leaving,” Nathaniel says.

Andrew raises an eyebrow. “I am here because you are unfathomably stupid.”

Oh, Nathaniel thinks. Andrew’s just here to watch him eat. He pastes a smile on his face. “Come on, we can torment Kevin at least. Ten bucks says he won’t catch the next thing I throw at him.”

Renee takes it, so Nathaniel stands up, walking towards where Dan has just come out of the kitchen.

“I’ll take those,” Nathaniel says, and grabs the stack of paper plates from her hands.

“Thanks.” Dan pulls him to a stop. She smiles. “I’m really glad you guys came.”

Nathaniel shifts. “Yeah,” he says. “Hey, ten bucks says Kevin won’t catch the next thing I throw at him.”

Dan furrows her eyebrows. “Wait – ”

Nathaniel does not wait. He calls, “Think fast!” and chucks the paper plates at Kevin’s head.

Kevin doesn’t even look up, absorbed in his conversation with Allison. Instead, the paper plates whack him in the head and fall into his lap, and he looks up with outrage. “Nathaniel!”

Allison cackles, and Andrew’s smile grows wide.

Renee hands Nathaniel a ten dollar bill in a way that suggests she knew exactly what he was doing. “Would you like to spar, sometime soon?” She asks him as he sits back down. “Andrew had expressed his desire to do so, and I thought you might enjoy an opportunity to fight someone other than me.”

“Sure,” Nathaniel says, and Renee smiles.

“Nathaniel,” Nicky says from where he’s finally sat down on the couch. He’s holding the magazine from before the banquet.

“Why is that still here?” Kevin asks.

Allison shrugs. “We kept it. We’re gonna cut out the picture and put it on the wall at the stadium. Minus Riko fuck-face, of course.”

“Which picture?” Nathaniel asks.

“This one!” Nicky flips it open to the editorial, and Kevin makes a weird noise.

Nathaniel remembers that photoshoot. It’d been right before his first season with the Ravens, a promo for the Perfect Court, lined up in order of numbers. Jean, Kevin, Riko, standing in a row, tall and dark-haired and solemn-faced.

“Nathaniel.” Jean sighs. “Why couldn’t you look normal?”

Because in between Jean and Kevin, there he is. Red-haired, blue-eyed, scarred and grinning, and a solid foot shorter than the boys on either side of him. Nathaniel swallows. That was the first picture they’d taken, before Riko had snapped at Nathaniel not to smile, threateningly jabbing Jean in the ribs where they’d been bruised the previous night. Thankfully it wasn’t the one used for the promo, or Riko would’ve beaten Jean even more than he already did.

Andrew snorts and says, “Always looking for attention, aren’t you.”

“Ok, look,” Nathaniel says to him. “I’m still not as much of a drama queen as Kevin.”

Kevin sputters, but Allison examines her nails. “It’s a rich people thing. We have enough money to throw temper tantrums and cover them up.”

“Alright.” Dan slides in quickly. “Pizza time!”

They grab plates, and Kevin places a slice of pizza on Nathaniel’s, and Nathaniel can feel Andrew’s eyes watching him as he slowly eats it. On one side, Nicky is carrying out a spirited reenactment for the upperclassmen of their most recent trip to Columbia, wherein Kevin had almost walked into a stop sign because he tried to hitchhike home. (A very drunk Aaron and a very sober Andrew had both told him that “stickball was for kids”.) On Nathaniel’s other side, Kevin is having an earnest discussion on his most recent non-exy read. Surprisingly, Andrew has read it, and is cheerfully aruging with almost every point Kevin makes.

“You have to agree Bunny was awful,” Kevin finally says, fed up.

In a surprising occurrence of Andrew and Kevin seeing eye to eye, Andrew laughs. “Were it up to me, his death would’ve been much more gruesome.”

“Yes,” Kevin says, and gestures broadly with his hands. “He’s so horrible. They’re all so horrible. And like, it starts, it starts with the murder! And you don’t know why, but you do know who. And as it goes on, the characters put this sort of charm over you, and you forget their awfulness in the face of this over examination of everything they and Bunny have done. And it’s like a judgement, their judgement, and they find Bunny lacking, and yet it’s been written in such a way that you almost don’t care that he dies at all.”

“I wouldn’t have cared in the first place,” Andrew says.

“When we were younger,” Nathaniel tells Renee. “Jean and I made Kevin do all our book reports.”

Renee laughs softly. “I can almost imagine that.”

Nathaniel doesn’t say, _Riko’s too._

“I talked to Betsy, about things like that,” Jean says, later that night, after Kevin and Nathaniel have come back from night practice. They were trying to be quiet, but Jean has obviously been awake the whole time they were gone.

Kevin clears his throat. “What?”

Jean is staring off into space. “Times like when Kevin ate that strawberry, or those book reports, or when we were little, and we played court with Riko, and we were all kings of different lands.”

Kevin is frozen, and Nathaniel isn’t sure what to say, because even then, Riko was an angry little boy with a penchant for violence and a crown he didn’t deserve.

Jean continues. “Because I think…that if there were those good times, then how could I be so scared? Because sometimes, I don’t know, I think that if there were good times, then maybe I’m over exaggerating the bad times.”

Nathaniel opens his mouth, but Jean shakes his head.

“I remember the bruises,” Jean says. “I remember that…that he made me break my own fingers, and I remember that he hurt me to hurt you.” Kevin makes a noise like he’s been punched, but Jean just keeps talking. “But I also remember when we were little, and he laughed with us. I don’t know how to connect all these things in my head.”

Kevin sits down on his bed heavily. “Yeah.”

Nathaniel doesn’t say anything, because he doesn’t think he can help. He used to get angry with Kevin and Jean, for their lack of strength or spine. But, he supposes, they were only ever focused on surviving. He himself never needed to survive, only to put up enough of a fight that they would instead.

“Nathaniel?” Jean asks. He sounds like he’s going to cry, which surprises Nathaniel. Maybe Betsy isn’t a bad thing.

“Yeah,” Nathaniel says.

They sit in the kitchen at two am, and Nathaniel eats strawberries while Kevin and Jean trade a glass of whiskey and Nathaniel reminds them that they’ll be the worse for it tomorrow. Kevin tells them about his book, and they discuss incest and Greek heroes and things that are far away from the tragedy that was their upbringing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you enjoyed, leave a comment or kudos. ill get around to responding to comments soon!! im off to minecraft :D


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which fight club happens, and the foxes take a beating from the ravens.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello. i just took my ap test so i am brain dead. here's a late chapter that's not super great, but making do with what we've got. enjoy :)

The day before their fateful match against the Ravens, Renee slips into the cousins’ room to find Aaron and Andrew beating the shit out of each other at Mario Kart. Kevin has secluded himself in the corner to watch a pro game, and Nathaniel is debating joining him until he sees Renee.

“Darling Renee,” Andrew says, hurling a banana at Aaron’s character. “Are you here for a fight?”

Renee nods. “I thought I’d extend an invitation to Nathaniel as well.”

Kevin levels a glare at Nathaniel. But Nicky and Jean fed him lunch an hour ago, and he’s itching to move.

The week has been complete madness. The entire campus is covered in orange and white, the grounds cleaned up and banners hanging off every available surface. Every night this week there’s been another event, the student body hyping the game up so much that all the tickets in the Foxhole Court are sold out and they’ve started selling discount seats in the basketball stadium. There’s been press wandering around campus too, and some of them already tried to ambush Nathaniel on his way in and out of class. The Foxes have taken to traveling in groups, which came in handy when Jean got harassed by some die-hard Riko fans. (Nicky’s video of Allison and Aaron completely demolishing the jackasses is one of Nathaniel’s new favorite things.)

Perhaps, if the season were going differently, there would be less excitement. But the Foxes have yet to lose another game, and this will be the prophesied reuniting of the Perfect Court. The enthusiasm of the entire campus is hard to accept, especially for the upperclassmen, who’ve only ever known scorn. Practices have been tense all week.

It’d gotten bad enough that on Tuesday, Nathaniel had awoken in the middle of the night to a knock on the door. “I got it,” he whispered to Jean, who’d flinched awake. Before opening the door, he’d grabbed a cleaver from the kitchen.

Opening it to find Matt was not what he’d expected.

“Hey, buddy,” Matt had said quietly.

“Uh, hey, what’s up?”

Matt had rubbed his eyes tiredly. “I can’t really handle the emptiness anymore.”

Nathaniel put the cleaver down. “You’ll have to stay on the couch tonight,” he’d said. “But we can find a way to get another bed tomorrow.”

There’d been something like relief in Matt’s eyes. “Thank you.”

And somehow, they’d found a way to fit Matt into their room. 

In the meantime, Nathaniel tells Renee, “Sure.”

Matt is making something in the kitchen. He’s been spending more time in the cousins’ room lately (when he’s not with the girls), hanging out with the backline. Nathaniel thinks he’s making every effort to ensure he’s not on his own. “Hey, Renee,” he greets. “Can I join?”

Andrew’s lip curls as he hands his controller to Jean. “So now it’s a party.”

Matt glances warily at Andrew, but Renee just smiles and says, “Of course.”

When they walk down to the basement, Matt asks, “So, uh, what are we doing?”

Andrew doesn’t look at him as he shoves a desk out of the way. “First rule of fight club is you don’t talk about fight club.”

Nathaniel has no clue what that means, but Matt chuckles and Renee laughs sunnily. When they’ve cleared away the desks, Andrew crooks a finger at her. She lunges, and he darts out of the way.

“He’s fast,” Matt says. He and Nathaniel lean against the wall. There’s no space for them to fight too.

Nathaniel stretches, jittery, and shrugs. “He’s high.”

Watching Andrew and Renee fight is like art, he thinks. Renee is smooth lines and finesse, flying from one move to the next like the angel she is. Andrew, on the other hand, is pure strength. He fights like he was made for it, all brute force and sharp edges and a smile like a knife.

Renee sweeps Andrew’s legs out from under him, bringing him crashing to the ground.

Andrew sits up, conceding the win to Renee. “Your turn, rabbit.”

Renee starts talking quietly to Matt, but Nathaniel’s focus narrows down to Andrew.

For a moment, they circle each other, and then it’s a blur of blocks and jabs. Andrew’s fast, but Nathaniel’s faster. Their fight lasts longer than Andrew and Renee’s; when Andrew can’t bring him down with punches, he pulls out his knives. To even the playing field, Nathaniel slams Andrew’s arm to the ground and yanks a knife out of the armband, sliding away before Andrew can retaliate. The blade fits into his hand like an old friend. Nathaniel has always understood knives, despite his complicated relationship with them. His father tended to use large, dramatic things like axes or cleavers, but small knives like these? They were Lola’s favorites, but they were also his mother’s favorites.

A startled laugh from Matt draws Nathaniel’s attention away for a split second. Andrew tries to use that to his advantage, but Nathaniel’s small and skinny, and he uses the momentum to help Andrew into the floor. He presses the knife to Andrew’s skin, very, very lightly.

“Lucky,” Andrew says. He barely reacts to the knife at his neck.

Nathaniel scrambles to get back, off of Andrew. He flips the knife around and holds the hilt out to Andrew.

“Keep it,” Andrew says.

Nathaniel blinks. He grips the knife, a tiny burst of warmth in his chest. “Thank you.”

“I don’t want to keep pulling your miserable ass out of situations your mouth got you into.”

Nathaniel smiles. “You were the one who said you’d protect me.”

Andrew gives him a withering look. “I hate you.” For a moment, Nathaniel wants to say something, but Andrew glances away to crook a finger at Matt. “Chop, chop, Boyd.”

Nathaniel moves back by Renee, absently running a finger up and down the blade of the knife.

“Some of those used to be mine,” Renee says. “I gave them to Andrew for safe keeping.”

“Oh,” Nathaniel says. “Do you want it back?”

Renee laughs. “No, no, keep it. It is very circular.”

Nathaniel doesn’t really know what she means by that, but he nods anyway. The knife is a gift, a surprising one from Andrew, but suddenly all he can think of is his mother.

“Nathaniel,” Renee says. Somehow she’s noticed his change in attitude, and yet again Nathaniel is unnerved by Renee Walker. “Our families do not define us. But we are defined by the families we choose.”

Nathaniel is generally pretty vague on what that means too, so he just nods and agrees.

* * *

Friday is kind of horrible.

Kevin and Jean don’t say a single word for the entirety of morning practice, and when they head to their first class together, Aaron casts a worried look at their backs.

“Careful,” Nathaniel tells him. “You’re starting to become a mother hen.”

Aaron’s worry quickly dissolves into a glare. “Fuck you,” he says, but for once there’s no heat behind it.

People stare at Nathaniel throughout the morning. He fingers the knife tucked into the inner pocket of his jacket, and glares blankly back at people until they look away. There’s also an insane amount of traffic on campus, enough so that police have been brought in to reinforce campus security.

Wymack calls them to the stadium mid-afternoon. When they arrive, he says gruffly, “Signed you out of afternoon classes. You all just stay here, where I can keep an eye on you.” This seems mostly directed at Kevin, which would be heart-warming if he wasn’t three minutes away from a panic attack.

The Foxes crash in the lounge, having limited options since it’s four hours until serve. Dan flips through the channels on the TV until she lands on _Ghostbusters_ , and general consensus dictates that they watch it. Nathaniel curls up with Kevin and Jean on one of the couches, zoning out for the majority of the movie since he doesn’t really understand it. Instead he holds tight to Kevin and Jean, dead weights that they are, and looks around the room, observing his teammates. Andrew, surprisingly or maybe not, sits with Renee, and Allison is reluctantly painting Nicky’s nails. Aaron is trying to do homework, but he’s alternating between checking his phone and checking on Jean. Matt isn’t even pretending to do homework, holding Dan’s hand tight.

“Kevin would do that,” Nicky says.

Kevin slowly lifts his head. “Huh?”

“Are you a god?” Matt asks him.

Kevin frowns. “No?”

Matt says, “If someone asks if you’re a god, you say…”

Aaron sighs and says, “Yes.”

Nicky whacks the back of his head. “More enthusiasm.”

“Bitch,” Allison says. “Stop moving.”

The room abruptly shifts back to silence, and remains that way until Wymack brings in enough food to feed a small army. The team sits in a circle and eats, wordlessly passing dishes around. Dan pulls out the Ravens roster, and they go over their weaknesses again, the same as they have been every minute of the past few weeks.

“Their backline is still rough,” Jean says, not for the first time. “They are not trained to work together, they are trained to compete with each other. They have not partnered the way that Nathaniel and I did, and Riko may still be used to our stability in the back. They will not be able to read each other as well, and they will not anticipate his moves quite as much. It is barely a chink, but we must use it.”

“We will,” Wymack says. “We’re back to it, tonight. Kevin and Nathaniel, you’ve been training for this. You’re in, both halves. We’ve got Dan, in case either of you needs a sub, but I better not have to rely on it. If I do, I’m signing both of you up for marathons from now until Thanksgiving. Got it?” They nod. “Means Dan’s back to dealer. I’m expecting retaliation.” He looks at Andrew. “Minyard, you’re playing the full game. For once in your life, play it like you want us to win.”

Andrew laughs. “Renee says that through god, all things are possible. Better start praying, Coach.”

Kevin doesn’t even react to this, a true sign that the world may be ending.

They head into the locker room to the sound of thousands of people rumbling into the stadium. Nathaniel pulls on his armor and jersey, and turns to Jean. “ _Are you going to be ok_?”

Jean looks at him. “ _Would it matter_?”

“ _Of course it would_ ,” Nathaniel reassures him.

“ _I will be ok_. _Besides,_ ” he says with something that looks almost like a smile, and Betsy must be helping, “ _at this point, I cannot do anything really, other than beat Riko, can I_?”

Nathaniel grins. “ _I told you that_.”

Jean curls a lip. “ _Do not give me that bastard smile_. _Every day_ _your stupidity continues to amaze me.”_

“ _It’s a gift_ ,” Nathaniel tells him.

Gathering together, grabbing their sticks, Abby glances worriedly at Kevin. “Will you be ok?”

“This is my game,” Kevin replies. “And this is my court.”

Matt claps him on the back. “That’s the spirit.”

Wymack gives them one last rundown as they line up to go out. The dull roar of the people waiting just outside the door, waiting for them, is both exhilarating and terrifying. “They are better than us,” Wymack finishes with. “You know this. They are bigger, and better, and stronger. But all you have to do is survive, and keep hold of the score as best you can.”

“Yes, Coach,” Dan says, and they all murmur it with her.

Wymack looks around the circle of orange. “Don’t look so grim. Abby’s fridge is stocked up. Let’s go out there and kill those damn fools, and then you can all get roaring drunk.”

Nicky cheers a little, nudging Matt and Aaron.

Outside the doors, the warning buzzer sounds. Wymack pokes a finger at Kevin and Nathaniel. “Double digits. I know what you two shits are capable of. I know you know who you’re playing.”

Dan stands in front of Kevin and Nathaniel. She offers them a tight smile, and then leads them into the stadium. 

The Vixens are cheering and the band is playing, the stadium awash in orange, but the solid block of Raven fans cannot be ignored. Their band plays the dark Evermore fight song, and they boo as the Foxes run out. There's also people who are obviously just there to see Kevin and Riko, holding up signs and posters, numbers painted on their cheeks.

“Bit creepy,” Matt mutters, pointing one of them out.

Wymack starts them with running laps, and then they move to passing drills. They watch as the Ravens come out of the lockers, sending half their team onto the court to warm up. They run past in a wave of black.

“ _A fucking cloud of death_ ,” Jean says disgustedly.

Nathaniel laughs. “ _Riko is stupid._ ” He grabs hold of Jean’s helmet. “ _You are number four. That is the number of death, for the Japanese. Show him_.”

Jean reaches his hand towards his face in an aborted movement. He straightens, and sighs. “Let’s do this, then.”

When Dan comes back from the coin toss, she says, “Their serve.”

The starters line up by the door, the subs walking down the line with encouragement. Matt gives them all fist bumps, and Nicky unabashedly embraces everyone save Andrew. Dan and Renee stop by Nathaniel together.

“Give ‘em hell,” Dan says, and Renee offers him a smile.

And then their names are being announced again as the starters run on court, and the world yells for them. It’s a good lineup – Andrew in goal, just starting to come down from his high, Allison in the middle, Aaron and Jean a wall of strength at her back. And Kevin and Nathaniel in the front, standing shoulder to shoulder like brothers and watching as Riko Moriyama steps on their court.

He walks towards them, yanking off his helmet, and his expression resembles a smile in the way that a snake resembles a friend you meet in the garden.

“Kevin,” he says, and barely gives Kevin time to unstrap his own helmet before he pulls him into a stiff, one-armed hug.

The fans scream, ecstatic, ear-splitting. Nathaniel, helmet swinging from a gloved finger, says, “What, no hug for me? You look pale, are you getting any sunlight down in that prison?”

“Nathaniel,” Riko replies. “This Southern fare must be heavy, you look like you've gained some weight."

_Shit_ , Nathaniel thinks, because Riko was never supposed to know about that.

And then there’s Jean, stepping out of the back, and if Nathaniel thought they were loud before, the roar of the fans seeing the Perfect Court all together again is even more intense. “Are we school children, taunting each other?” Jean asks. “Or are we men?”

Before Riko can think of a response, there’s a crashing noise from the back of court. They turn to look. Andrew bashes his racquet once more against the goal, and even from afar Nathaniel can feel the malevolence in his gaze. 

“You are not welcome here.” Kevin pushes Riko away and steps closer to Nathaniel and Jean. “We are here to play.”

“It’s funny that you think you have a chance,” Riko says. “It’s funny that you think you ever had a chance.”

“Better put your money where your mouth is.” Nathaniel gestures to the referees. “Let’s play, Riko.” He glances at the clock, counting down the seconds, and yanks his helmet on. Jean steps back towards Aaron.

The head referee looks at both the strikers, resting on Kevin and Riko. His expression is a clear warning to behave. He tosses the ball to Riko. “On the buzzer,” he orders, like they haven’t done this before, like they aren’t just waiting to tear each other to pieces. Then he walks off the court, bolting the doors shut behind him.

It is silent. They’re all waiting for the buzzer, watching the Raven dealer, Dockery, with the ball. Nathaniel’s full of energy, and he can see the tension in the lines of Kevin’s body, across the court. The clock hits five seconds.

“What are we?” Allison screams, her voice breaking the silence.

And the four of them, Nathaniel and Kevin and Jean and Aaron, answer her, just as the buzzer sounds. “Foxes!”

Riko’s off like a shot, but Jean knows exactly where he’s going to be. It’s a clash of two of the best in their respective positions, and it’s a vicious kind of art. Jean executes a barely legal check to pop the ball away from him, and Nathaniel already knows that this game is going to be full of calls where the refs are going to look the other way. They’re all out for blood tonight, and the crowd, outside the court walls, can sense it.

The ball passes from Jean to Kevin in a blur of movement, and then Nathaniel’s storming up the court, outpacing Thomas and Dockery. He reaches Jenkins, who latches onto him.

“Fancy meeting you here,” she says, and tries to smash him into a wall.

“You always were a bitch,” he tells her cheerfully, nearly out of breath.

“Better a bitch than a motherfucking traitor.”

Kevin, mobbed by Dockery and his own backliner mark, hurls the ball towards Nathaniel. He slides around Jenkins, subtly tripping her and lunging for the ball. She checks his racquet hard and snarls, “Nothing personal, Wesninski.”

“Oh, _bullshit_.” They both chase the ball, and this time Nathaniel slams into her back, their momentum carrying them into the wall.

Somebody pounds on the wall of the court, and Nathaniel glances over to see both Dan and Wymack glaring. He focuses back on the play, sprinting to provide backup as the ball flies between the Raven offense.

“Don’t let them get to you,” Aaron growls, and Nathaniel ignores him in favor of intercepting a pass from Dockery.

It takes three minutes for the Ravens to score on Andrew. When the goal lights up red, the Foxes stand in shock for a quick minute. Nathaniel watches as Andrew’s body language shifts, registering that this is the fastest he’s ever been scored on. And suddenly Andrew Minyard looks awake, and this is what Nathaniel has been waiting for.

The play restarts. The first card of the game goes to Aaron for punching Thomas, and the Ravens use it to take another shot. “This is pathetic,” Jenkins scoffs, and this time Nathaniel doesn’t waste breath answering her.

The ball hurtles towards the goal, Riko tussling with Jean and Aaron with Thomas, and Andrew moves out of the goal to swing his stick at it. It flies up the court, and Nathaniel grins, following it, lengthening his stride until he’s leaving Jenkins behind.

He yells, “Kevin!” He catches the ball off the rebound, finds Kevin open, and passes.

Kevin slams it home before Jordan even registers the pass, and the crowd rises to their feet, cheering like a single-minded entity.

“Yes!” Allison grabs Kevin and Nathaniel as they run back to half court. “That’s how we do this!”

Despite that success, it is quickly apparent how amateur the Foxes are compared to the Ravens. Matt subs on for Aaron, bringing some fresh aggression onto the court, while the Ravens sub out Dockery and Thomas. The Ravens score four times more, and Nathaniel scores once. It’s a dirty, ugly game, cards being thrown around like confetti. Nearly everyone gets a yellow, even Renee, saint that she is, and there’s two full-out brawls. Kevin gets a penalty shot for an elbow to the face, but at halftime the Foxes are still down five to three. Abby spends halftime flitting between them, icing bruised hands and checking Kevin’s nose, which refuses to stop bleeding.

The second half is worse. A Raven striker sub gets himself ejected from the game for smashing his stick into Nicky’s back, the ball nowhere near them, and Matt gets his second yellow of the night for punching the striker. All three players get taken off, and suddenly the Foxes are back to their opening lineup, albeit with Dan in place of Allison.

The Ravens start exclusively shooting off of Aaron and Nathaniel’s side of the court, ensuring their breakaways can’t be completely dismantled by Jean. Nathaniel is quickly running out of steam, constantly sprinting back and forth to follow the play, and he can tell that in the back, Andrew and Aaron are too.

When the buzzer sounds, the Ravens have won by a definitive six points, and the number that represents the shots they took on goal is one Nathaniel can’t even believe. Outside the glass walls, the excitement of the audience has reached a fever pitch. It feels like it should be shaking the ground. This is the most goals anyone’s ever taken from Andrew, and the best fight the Foxes have ever put up.

Nathaniel’s legs are trembling, and every breath feels like it’s stabbing his lungs. But he watches, across the stadium, as Andrew leans on his racquet and starts to crumble. And then Nathaniel breaks into a run, hardly caring about his muscles, even as they scream their protest at the over-exhaustion.

The four of them surround Andrew. Aaron yanks Andrew’s helmet off, and Jean takes his stick. Kevin and Nathaniel grab one of his arms each, lifting him up.

“ _You are a marvel_ ,” Nathaniel says to Andrew, because he is. Nathaniel still can’t believe that number up on the scoreboard, that out of ninety two shots, Andrew only let a dozen in.

“Did you have fun?” Kevin asks, because Kevin looks victorious, and because Kevin is a madman.

“Fuck you, Kevin Day,” Andrew says, voice ragged. “Do you derive pleasure from this? Do I keep you around for your masochism?”

Dan joins them, just in time for Riko and his smugness to walk towards them.

“I’d say thank you,” Riko says, “but there is no sense in thanking you for the ugliness of that game. It, and you, are a disgrace to this sport.”

“Did you hear that,” Andrew says to Kevin and Nathaniel, still sounding like every breath pains him. “He called me a disgrace to exy. I may have reached the peak of my career.”

“Ever heard of sportsmanship, Riko?” Dan asks. “You should look it up. Cause it sure as hell ain’t us who made that ugly.”

But Kevin is smiling. “No,” he says. “Thank you, Riko. You have proven to me that this is where I belong. I am proud of this team, and proud of our game tonight. We will see you in the spring.”

“For the rematch,” Jean says. “For now, get off our court.”

Nathaniel smiles tiredly at them, proud that they’re standing their ground.

Riko’s expression reforms itself into that of one who has smelled something incredibly rancid.

“Shut the fuck up,” Aaron says, sounding fed up. “Why is everyone in this fucking sport so dramatic? Leave us alone, you worthless piece of shit.”

Dan coughs. “And we’re out. Thank you, and good night.” She ushers the boys away. “I’m proud of you,” she tells them. “Even you, you psychotic midget.”

“We got torn apart,” Aaron says.

Allison, hearing them through the door of the court, says snidely, “You don’t know how much this game means to us.”

Renee rests an arm on her shoulder gently. “This came from all of us. We didn’t win, but it wasn’t a loss.”

Aaron scoffs, but Kevin agrees with Renee, and in the face of his rare positivity, they quiet. Wymack hurries them to the locker room, hoping to avoid the press. He turns, and somehow, he’s smiling. “You better be fucking proud of yourselves. That was the first-ranked team in the nation, and you just got six points against them. If I compared videos of that game to ones of your first game, you’d hardly believe it was the same team. I’m damn proud of you kids for that fight, no matter how many bumps and scrapes you got.”

He looks around the circle at them, sweaty and bruised, Andrew still leaning on Kevin and Nathaniel. Nicky’s sitting down, holding an ice pack to his back, and Kevin and Matt have bruises forming on their faces.

“He’s right,” Dan says. “We’re stronger now. We’re _better_. If we keep this up, we might actually make it to championships.”

Aaron raises an eyebrow. “They can’t carry us to championships,” he says, gesturing to Kevin, Nathaniel, and Jean.

Dan smiles. “We don’t need them to.”

Wymack nods. “Alright, maggots. Back here on Monday. We’ll evaluate the game then, see if we can iron out some of the kinks before the next one. Renee, I’m so damn thankful for you. Welcome back to goal.” Renee smiles and Allison cheers, wrapping an arm around her shoulder. “Dan and Kevin, you’re out to the press. Clean up, and then you can all go drink your sorry asses into oblivion.”

Nicky and Matt whoop, and they stampede towards the showers and the locker room. Out of the corner of his eye, Nathaniel sees Dan and Kevin walking towards the door out to the foyer, where the press are. But before they leave, he catches a glimpse of Wymack wrapping an arm around both of their shoulders.

Nathaniel smiles. The families we choose, Renee had said. This is always the family he will choose.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uhhhh yep. im very excited to get into the next part of my outline, and hopefully now that school's basically over i can go back to posting more frequently. let me know if you enjoyed, it makes my day!


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which thea makes an appearance, halloween occurs, and everything begins to go to shit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> alright,,, so,,,, i dont know what this is. youre welcome :) sorry if it sounds off, i always end up posting things at two in the morning. enjoy!

It isn’t until the next night, when the Foxes are back in the dorms and slightly less hungover, that Kevin checks his phone. “Oh, fuck me,” he says.

“No thanks,” Nathaniel responds, not looking away from the USC game they’ve put on the TV.

“What?” Jean glances over. “Oh, your girlfriend is pissed.”

“You have a _girlfriend_?” Matt asks.

Kevin winces as his phone begins to ring. “I’m just going to go take this.” He picks it up. “Yeah, hey, babe, how are – no, I’m not sucking up…I didn’t antagonize him! That was Nathaniel! I didn’t…well, I guess I did push him, but…”

Matt gapes as Kevin walks into the other room. “That just settled, like, four bets. And I think I even won one of them.”

“Do you not usually win?” Jean asks, opening a water bottle and handing one to Nathaniel.

Matt scoffs. “You guys have been here for, what, nine months? At this point you know Allison basically wins everything.”

“She doesn’t win exy,” Nathaniel says.

Jean toasts him with the water.

“Not everything is about exy,” Matt says.

“Yes it is,” Nathaniel replies.

Jean nods.

Matt narrows his eyes at them. “You’re fucking with me.”

Nathaniel thinks about the mass shitshow that is their lives, and tells him, in all seriousness, “No.”

“I was,” Jean says.

Matt sighs. Then, “So what’s the story behind that?”

“Hm?” Nathaniel asks absently, watching as Jeremy Knox executes a flawless rebound shot. It’s no wonder Kevin’s half in love with him.

“We grew up with the Ravens,” Jean says. “We knew them for a long time, and Thea one of the longest.”

“Yeah,” Nathaniel adds. “She was the best of the lot. She’s fierce, and a very, very good backliner.”

“Yeah,” Jean says. “Most of the way I play is primarily picked up from her.”

“But their relationship,” Matt presses.

“Attachments weren’t really allowed in the Nest,” Jean says. “But sex just happened.”

“So they were fuck-buddies,” Matt surmises.

“Basically,” Nathaniel says.

“Sort of. We covered for them a lot,” Jean continues. “And then she graduated after Kevin’s freshman year, and she and Kevin kept in touch.”

“She’s kinda great,” Nathaniel says. “She doesn’t take anybody’s shit.” _Except Riko’s,_ he mentally amends, _but so too did we all._

“Are we ever gonna meet her?” Matt asks. He’s texting somebody excitedly.

Jean and Nathaniel glance at each other. “I hope so,” Nathaniel says.

“We’ll see.” Jean looks hesitant. “She was…she was under Riko, same as all of us. That Kevin chose to leave wasn’t something she liked. She didn’t talk to him for a while.”

“Ah,” Matt says, like he doesn’t know what else to say, probably because he doesn't. 

Kevin reenters the room. “Thea says hi,” he tells Jean and Nathaniel. “Jean, she says that your clears are still just as strong but that you need to be a little more solid with your checks. Nathaniel, she says that you need to get better with your shots and rely less on your speed, and frankly I agree.”

“Hey!” Nathaniel exclaims indignantly. “I’d like to see Thea wonder-girl try switching from defense to offense six months before her first game.”

Kevin continues like Nathaniel didn’t interrupt him. “She also thinks you should’ve just stayed in the back in the first place.”

"Did you point out the untimely demise of our other striker?” Jean asks.

Nathaniel winces and glances at Matt, whose amused expression doesn’t even falter.

“Yes,” Kevin says.

“So are you guys good?” Nathaniel asks.

Kevin sighs. “I don’t really know.”

“Could she fly in?” Jean asks, and Nathaniel internally cringes.

“She’s in _Houston_ ,” Kevin replies, only marginally snippy. “And she’s playing Court this year, too, so it’s not like she has free time, and it’s not like _we_ have free time. _We_ have a game next week, and then another one a couple days after that, and at this rate, we’re going to lose both of them.” And no, there’s definitely a lot of snippy-Kevin going on right now.

Neither Jean nor Nathaniel are very good at comforting people.

Matt claps a hand on Kevin’s back. “Alright, bro, you know what we’re going to do? We’re going to keep watching this exy game. And we’re all going to drink some water because we all drank a lot last night, and you’re going to tell us all about the things that we need to be doing better.”

Jean sighs heavily, but Matt shoots him a glare and points to the kitchen. Jean returns from the kitchen with two more bottles of water and a yogurt for Nathaniel. Kevin, after drinking some water and watching Jeremy Knox score yet another hat trick, starts brightening up.

Nathaniel stands up to get a spoon from the kitchen. There, he spends five minutes contemplating if he actually wants to eat the yogurt or not, the hum of Matt and Kevin’s conversation fading into the background.

“Eat,” Jean says.

Nathaniel starts, because he hadn’t even heard Jean come in. Nathaniel curls his lip and stares down at the yogurt.

“Would it help if I ate something, too?” Jean finally suggests.

“Didn’t you already have dinner?” Nathaniel asks.

“I did, but you didn’t. And…” Jean trails off, then finishes reluctantly, “It was just an idea Betsy had.”

Nathaniel doesn’t really like that Jean is talking to Betsy about him, but he says, “Ok.”

When Jean nearly chokes trying to eat his own yogurt, Nathaniel side-eyes him. “Are you avoiding Kevin’s exy-lecture.”

“He’s talking with his hands,” Jean says defensively. “Somebody’s gonna get killed. And it’s Jeremy Knox! He’s like, the embodiment of sunshine and puppies, and it’s honestly kind of annoying. Like, he gets beat up, and he _still_ comes up smiling. It’s all Kevin talks about. That, and how good their teamwork is.”

Nathaniel snorts. “Unluckily for you, we play this sport professionally, and our teamwork definitely needs help. Plus, I like watching you suffer. Let’s go listen.”

* * *

They have two games coming up – one the Friday before Halloween, and one a couple days after. The Ravens never exactly celebrated Halloween, which is why when Nicky tells the three of them that they’ll be heading to Eden’s after their game on Friday for a Halloween celebration, they’re understandably hesitant.

“It’ll be fun,” Nicky promises. “Plus we get to dress up!”

Nathaniel eyes him. “And what’re you going to be?”

Nicky smirks. “Guess you’ll have to just wait and see.”

Nathaniel sits down next to Jean and Aaron, who are doing homework. “Are you two going?”

“I don’t exactly get a choice,” Aaron says, writing furiously.

“You could bring Katelyn,” Jean suggests.

Aaron’s pen stops, and he glares at both Jean and Nathaniel. “No.”

Jean and Nathaniel shrug at each other, and Nathaniel says, “What if we brought the rest of the team?”

Nicky laughs. “Good luck getting Andrew to agree to that. Then again, I don’t know. You have a magic touch with Andrew.” Nicky raises his eyebrows suggestively. “Or maybe a magic tongue.”

Aaron makes a retching noise. “Shut the fuck up, Nicky.”

Nathaniel blinks, and tables this entire conversation to think about at a later time. Instead, he glances up as Andrew walks through the door, listening to Kevin ramble about his history lecture.

Nathaniel follows Andrew into the kitchen, where he dumps his bag. “Oh, you want something,” Andrew says. “Want is a dangerous game, little rabbit.”

“Let’s bring the rest of the team to whatever is happening at Eden’s on Friday.”

“And why should we do that?” When Nathaniel doesn’t immediately answer, Andrew gestures vaguely. “No, really, I’d like to hear why you think that’s such a _fantastic_ idea. You do know what we did with Matt last year, correct?”

Nathaniel remembers that conversation he’d had with the upperclassmen, sometime last spring, about the monsters getting Matt over his addiction. He doesn’t know the details, but there’d been a little bit of leftover fear in Matt’s eyes, and a lot of leftover anger in Dan’s. “I do,” he says. “The girls didn’t like it.”

“It was a fun little game.” Andrew grins, that jack-o’-lantern smile. “Everything is, really.”

“All the world’s a stage,” Nathaniel says.

“And all the men and women merely players,” Andrew finishes. “You couldn’t recognize a good car, but you can quote Shakespeare?”

Nathaniel shrugs. “So are you going to keep playing with them, keep tearing this team apart, until we get to the rematch with Riko? Cause if you do, we won’t get to finals.”

“And why should I care?” Andrew asks.

“Because you made a deal with me, and you made a deal with Kevin.”

“You really do enjoy twisting those words around, don’t you. I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised, what with that lying mask you wear.”

Nathaniel says again, “Let’s take them to Eden’s.”

Andrew puts a finger to his lips as if he’s thinking, all theatrical. “Fine,” he says. “You can ask. Won’t make a difference, in the end. They might not want to come. After all, they don’t really like us, for that little bag we pulled over Matt’s head.”

And Nathaniel can’t really help his curiosity. “And what did happen?”

“Ask Matt,” Andrew says.

“No, I’m asking you. You don’t do things without a reason. So what would be the reason for that?”

Andrew’s eye twitches, just slightly. “Watching someone else conquer their demons is nothing more than a downward spiral, if your demons are the same. And it took so much _effort_ to get Aaron off the first time.”

Nathaniel blinks, and things realign. “Oh,” he says.

Andrew continues, “So what’d we do, when Matt over there was struggling to keep his head above the water? We called up his mother dearest, and she said yes, so we offered him one drink, and he took four. It was a sink or swim situation, and luckily for him, he swam.”

Nathaniel says, “The next time someone says you’re a monster, I might have to fight them.”

Andrew laughs cruelly. “Don’t turn this into something nice, or good, or kind. I took care of a problem. I keep my promises.”

Instead of arguing, Nathaniel goes back to the question at hand. “So I can invite them?”

“Tell them to come if they dare.”

Nathaniel smiles, and walks back into the main room. “Andrew said yes.”

Nicky gapes. “What?”

"Yeah,” Nathaniel says.

Jean sighs and puts his head on Aaron’s shoulder, who stops writing to glare at Nathaniel. “This is going to be awful.”

“Magic tongue,” Nicky says to Kevin.

“I don’t want to be here,” Kevin replies.

The next day, Jean goes over to the girls’ room to get his hair touched up by Renee. Nathaniel goes with him, and extends the invitation for Friday night.

Renee says happily, “Sure.” She pulls out a bottle of purple hair dye, and some plastic gloves, and starts putting it in Jean’s hair.

Dan and Allison are less happy. “Have you asked Matt?”

“Yeah,” Nathaniel says. “Asked him last night.”

“He is in our room now,” Jean quietly reminds the girls.

“Yeah,” Dan says. “We know.” She rubs her face. “Andrew said we could come?”

 _Tell them to come if they dare._ “Yeah, he said it’d be fine.”

Jean sends raised eyebrows towards Nathaniel, who keeps his gaze on Dan’s face.

“Hold on,” Allison says, then shoots a meaningful glance at Dan. The two walk into the kitchen.

“Thank you, Nathaniel,” Renee says. “Would you like some purple?”

“In my hair?”

“No,” Jean deadpans. “In your eyes.”

Renee laughs. “Yes, Nathaniel.”

“I’m good,” Nathaniel says. “Thank you, though.”

Renee hums in acknowledgement, and continues working the dye through Jean’s hair. “I’m sure they’ll come around,” she says. “Allison still holds a bit of a grudge, but without Seth’s influence, I think they’ll see the necessity of getting along.”

“Yeah,” Nathaniel responds. He hopes so, at least. It’s not like Dan hasn’t come to Eden’s before.'

“What’re you going to be?” Jean asks Renee.

Renee thinks. “I’m not sure. I might ask Alli for some help, but perhaps a fairy. What about you two?”

“Uh,” Nathaniel starts.

“Do not fear,” Allison announces dramatically, sailing back into the room. “I will dress you, pretty boy, and you, French boy.”

“I had been so worried,” Jean says in a monotone.

“If you had always been this sarcastic, we would’ve been friends much earlier,” Nathaniel tells him.

Jean gives him a look. It says _if I had always been this sarcastic, we would’ve been killed._ But then his eyes relax, and it turns into _you know this is your fault._

Nathaniel grins at him. Then to the girls, “So you’re coming?”

Dan ruffles his hair. “Sure thing, baby Fox.”

* * *

After a Thursday evening practice consisting of intense stick control drills and some brutal one on one scrimmaging, everyone’s tired. They stand in the court, waiting for Dan (who’s talking to Wymack) to give them the ok that they can leave.

“ _Nathaniel_ ,” Nicky trills. “Dost thou have a Halloween costume?”

“Back off, Hemmick, I’m dressing him,” Allison says.

“Guys,” Kevin says tiredly. “Can we focus? We have a game tomorrow.”

Nathaniel raises a hand. “I’d like to agree with Kevin, and also, can’t you guys fuss over Jean instead?”

Jean smirks at Nathaniel. “Aaron and I already found costumes.”

Nathaniel gasps. “Traitor!” Then, “What about Kevin?”

“I could go as Jean,” Kevin offers. “But then I’d have to be a bitch.”

“You are a bitch,” Jean says, and starts stabbing at him with his racquet. Evidently his day is going better than Kevin’s.

Kevin dodges. “Jean.”

“Bitch.”

"Ok, dickhead,” Kevin starts. He turns to Nathaniel. “Get over here.”

“Oh, no,” Nathaniel says, but he walks over anyways.

“This is a horrible idea,” Jean concludes.

“What is going on?” Allison asks, leaning on her stick and looking amused.

“Jousting,” Nathaniel says, and Kevin kneels down, lifting Nathaniel up on his shoulders.

“Oh my god,” Nicky says, and pulls out his phone. “I’m so recording this.”

Dan and Wymack come back to find Nathaniel on Kevin’s shoulders and Aaron on Jean’s. 

“Hey, Coach,” Nathaniel says cheerfully. “Don’t worry, we’ve done this before.”

Matt, Nicky, and Allison can’t seem to stop laughing. Even Andrew is laughing, but it’s a bit more mean-spirited, and probably due to Aaron’s obvious terror. Unlike him, Nathaniel has done this before, back when Riko was a child and not a tormentor. The smile slips from his face.

“If you’re enjoying watching this so much,” Aaron snaps at Andrew as he attempts to stab Nathaniel with his stick, “ _you_ try it.”

“While this is amusing,” Wymack says, and he definitely does look amused. “Hop down before you hurt yourselves. We have a game tomorrow, and I’m sure you all want to get home.”

“Um,” Aaron says, holding Jean’s head in a death grip. “How do I get down?”

“That’s the fun part,” Nathaniel says. He hands his stick to a smiling Renee, and then launches himself off of Kevin’s shoulders to the tune of half the team’s dismayed shouts.

“I hate that part,” Kevin mutters, sprawled on the floor from where Nathaniel’s lunge had knocked him off balance.

“I am not fucking doing that,” Aaron says.

In the end, Matt has to lift Aaron down, and Nicky and Allison refuse to stop laughing. Even Wymack has a smile twitching at the corners of his mouth.

“When we were younger, we did that before games,” Kevin says to Aaron in the car.

“We’d challenge the other team,” Nathaniel says with a laugh.

“I’m never doing that again,” Aaron replies.

Nathaniel and Kevin both turn to Andrew, who’s driving. “Fuck you both,” Andrew says. “No.”

It’s drizzling by the time they get to the dorm, and still storming the next day. There’s infinitely less hullabaloo over this game than the Raven game, and so the day is relatively calm. Unfortunately, Nathaniel spends a lot of it in a fog, having skipped breakfast for reasons he can’t quite discern. The weather doesn’t help, so come game time, he’s still a little out of it.

The game goes by in a blur of shouts and motion. Andrew plays the first half, and then slumps on the sidelines, letting Renee play the second half. It goes well, but Kevin watches Nathaniel the whole time, seeming to notice that he is reacting slightly slower than normal. They win by only two points, and when they leave, the rain is still going.

Back at the dorm, Allison makes good on her promise to dress Nathaniel. “Ok,” she announces. “We’ve got ten minutes. Time to get you all cleaned up, pretty boy.”

"Um,” Nathaniel says when she pulls out glitter. “What are you doing?”

“Don’t worry,” Allison tells him, grinning like a shark, only slightly more unnerving due to her fake teeth.

Nathaniel is worried. Especially when he walks out of the bathroom, and Nicky’s mouth hits the floor. “Ok,” Nicky starts. “Allison, you lose points for originality. But you get bonus points because _hot damn_.”

Kevin is staring, Jean is blinking aggressively, and Renee is smiling what would almost be considered a smirk, if it weren’t Renee Walker.

Aaron looks disgusted. “You look gay as fuck,” he says. He throws his hands up when almost everyone in the room glares at him. “He’s wearing a sparkly _crop top_.”

Because Nathaniel is, indeed, wearing a sparkly crop top. He yanks at it self-consciously, hoping it covers his stomach. Along with the shirt, Allison gave him grey leggings (which are, surprisingly, very comfortable) and put glitter on his cheekbones and along his collarbones.

But he’s really not in the weirdest costume. Allison is a vampire, with a short leather skirt and a red corset, and blood dripping from her mouth. Renee is a fairy, with gauzy wings and her hair streaked to match her dress. Aaron is dressed in scrubs, looking like he put in the least amount of effort possible, Nicky is also some sort of vampire, and Jean is dressed as a zombie.

Kevin is…a zombie raven, Nathaniel thinks. He raises an eyebrow at Kevin, who just shrugs, looking for all the world like he wishes he were already drunk.

Andrew, buzzing from taking his meds at halftime, laughs delightedly. His mania is even stranger tonight, with the red smile painted across his face, wide and bloody, his face powdered white. Before Nathaniel can ask what it is, he snaps his fingers. “Tick tock, time to go!”

When they move to leave the room, Jean hisses, “ _What the fuck_.”

“ _I didn’t know she’d be doing this_!”

Kevin interjects, “ _I hate to agree with Aaron, but you do look very gay_.”

“ _It is not as bad as Allison’s…_ ” Jean’s face contorts. “ _Getup._ ”

“ _Hold on_ ,” Nathaniel says, realizing he may have to catch up with the looks Kevin and Jean are exchanging. “ _This is attractive? That is attractive?_ ”

“ _I hate everything_ ,” Kevin says mournfully.

“ _You are so stupid_ ,” Jean tells Nathaniel.

“No more French tonight,” Nicky says when they get in the car. “Even though it’s sexy as hell.”

“I’m going to sleep,” Aaron mutters, and somehow, despite being squished between Jean and the window, does just that.

Sweetie’s is busy tonight, but Nicky has made a reservation. The Foxes squish into the booths, five on each side, and attempt to act functional. Andrew holds a conversation with Renee (and Allison, when she chimes in), while Nicky engages most of the rest of the team in lively discussions about anything from their earlier game, to _Lord of the Rings_. Kevin, Dan, and Nathaniel analyze the game, until Kevin gets distracted by _Lord of the Rings_.

Nathaniel smiles as he looks around. Somehow, by some miracle, they’re getting along.

Their food arrives, and Andrew’s energy is noticeably flagging. The upperclassmen notice, but other than exchanging looks, they don’t comment. Instead, everyone digs in, tired and hungry after the game. Nathaniel does not enjoy the feeling of multiple eyes on him as he eats, pushing his salad around his plate. But he finishes at least seventy five percent of it nonetheless, not wanting to create a fuss.

When they get to Eden’s, the bouncers wave them through the doors like normal. It’s crowded tonight, full of more color and revealed skin than normal. They find a table on the dais and situate themselves there. When Andrew and Kevin go off to get drinks and Matt starts telling a story over the din, Dan leans in.

“He’s sober?” She asks Nathaniel in an undertone.

Nicky hears her and laughs, but it’s not a happy sound. “Andrew hasn’t been sober in years. Sure, he’s got this, and he goes through withdrawal on game days, but there’s always something else in his system. Believe me, you’d know him sober. This is just…”

“Fun,” Andrew says, and both Nicky and Dan start, not realizing he was back so quickly. “It’s _fun_ ,” Andrew says again, as if he no longer knows how to smile without baring his teeth.

But his eyes are cold, probably the hardest the upperclassmen have ever seen, and Nathaniel thinks that this isn’t an unemotional Andrew – this is an Andrew taking a breath of clean air, putting his feet on the ground, stitching lucidity and sanity over his eyelids like maybe that’ll hide that he doesn’t know what’s behind them anymore.

“Alright,” Dan says. She moves away slowly, keeping an eye on Andrew like he’s an unfamiliar animal that might spook at any moment.

While the rest of the table starts taking shots, Nathaniel unwittingly slips back into the earlier fog. He watches the rest of the Foxes drinking and being merry, laughing and judging crazy costumes that go by (the man dressed as a dick does manage to catch Nathaniel’s attention), and slowly trickling out to the dance floor. Nathaniel wanders over to the edge of the dais and looks down, catching a flash of Renee’s wings, a glimpse of Aaron and Jean and Kevin.

Andrew joins him at the side.

“What are you supposed to be?” Nathaniel asks.

“The Joker.” Andrew shoves a granola bar into his hand. “Eat.”

Nathaniel shakes his head. “I’m a bit out of it.”

“Did you eat breakfast this morning?”

Nathaniel avoids his eyes, and opens his mouth.

“Don’t lie to me.”

Nathaniel closes his mouth.

“Eat the granola bar,” Andrew orders.

Nathaniel reluctantly bites into the granola bar.

And then suddenly, Andrew is pressing something else into his hand. A key. “For the Columbia house.”

Nathaniel takes it. “Why?”

“There are reasons not to die,” Andrew says. “Maybe you should start thinking about them.”

And then he’s gone, and Nathaniel is left standing there, holding the warm metal in his hand. Everything feels oddly like a dream, all disconnected, but Nathaniel knows it isn’t. In a dream, he would still be convincing himself that the only way out is to die. And Andrew would not show up in his dreams, not like this. Because in the end, Andrew Minyard never lies.

In the end, the only liar is himself.

* * *

Life goes relatively smoothly, the days after Halloween. Somehow, the team outing at Eden’s wasn’t a disaster, and they get along a little better now. Kevin and Nathaniel watch Clemson (their next opponent) games, comparing strategies and plays, and then bring them to Wymack and Dan to work on in practice. In between classes, their lot hangs out in the cousins’ dorm, playing video games and doing homework and, occasionally, watching exy (generally when Andrew isn’t there). Katelyn makes a brief appearance at the dorm when Kevin and Andrew are in class, and Nathaniel actually meets Erik on FaceTime one day. (Erik is, surprisingly, just as nice as Nicky made him out to be, and the way they smile at each other is disgustingly cute.)

Things are quiet.

And then the game against Clemson happens.

"This is great,” Nicky crows.

They’re at Clemson’s stadium, and yet it feels very much like the Foxhole Court. Everything is the same violent shade of orange and white, and it’s impossible to discern whether the fans walking in are holding tiger paws or fox paws.

“This is going to be hell on the court,” Kevin says.

“It is kind of funny though,” Matt tells him.

Wymack ushers them into the away lockers. “Focus,” he barks, unexpectedly brusque. “Get changed, and meet back here.” He pulls Dan away.

Nathaniel glances at Jean. “That was odd.”

“Everything about this feels odd,” Jean says. “Like that place in _Alice in Wonderland_.”

With a bit of surprise, Nathaniel says, “I understood that reference!”

Jean gives him a look. “Congratulations.”

Nathaniel ignores him, instead thinking about the mirror universe, everything the same and yet different.

The Foxes change into their away uniforms, orange lettering on white backgrounds. In the away locker room, the Tigers are putting on their home uniforms, white on orange. Nathaniel can only hope that this goes better than Alice’s little adventure through the looking glass.

Unsurprisingly, he’s proven wrong as soon as they enter the stadium.

“ _Coach_ ,” Allison hisses. “Why is Riko _fucking_ Moriyama here?”

"Be calm, be calm, be calm," Dan says, like repeating it will keep Kevin from freaking out.

The bottom drops out of Nathaniel’s stomach. _Do not forget who you belong to._

There Riko is, sitting in the front row, on their side of the court.

Andrew lets out a laugh. “Oh,” he says. “Oh, this ought to be interesting.”

“Keep smiling,” Wymack says through clenched teeth. “Keep smiling, or I’ll have you all running suicides until you cry.”

“Did you know?” Jean asks Kevin.

Kevin swallows. “No.”

"Why the fuck is he here?” Aaron demands. When nobody responds, his expression shutters closed.

Renee is the only one who seems unaffected. “We just need to play,” she says. “He can’t exactly get on the court.”

Dan takes a deep breath. “She’s right. Him being here makes no difference.”

Even so, the shadow of Riko’s stare looms over them as they warm up. Jean barely talks, putting more force behind his checks than usual. Kevin applies a laser focus to his passes and shots, and Nathaniel attempts to emulate that.

“Damn,” Matt says to him at one point, glancing across the court at the Tigers. “Kevin was right. All the orange is going to get confusing during the game.”

“Maybe,” Nathaniel says. “Just have to pay attention.”

They get checked in, and Dan goes out for the coin toss. Wymack gives them their starting lineup – Kevin and Nathaniel, Matt and Jean, Allison and Andrew. Dan comes back to tell them they’ve got first serve.

When the doors slam shut behind the referees, Nathaniel looks through the court walls. Riko is waiting for him, and when their gazes meet, Riko smiles. It’s slow, and dangerous.

The buzzer sounds, and Nathaniel yanks his focus back to the game.

Bolstered by Wymack’s pep talk and a healthy dose of fear, the Foxes go out with a vengeance. Clemson has a good offense, but fairly weak defense (at least compared to what Nathaniel and Kevin practice against every day). Kevin and Nathaniel use aggressive passes and quick connections through Allison to slip past them, and by the time Wymack starts putting subs on, the score is four to nothing, Foxes’ favor. Andrew looks bored, but he also hasn’t let any goals in.

Nathaniel grins, momentarily forgetting about Riko. He’s getting in the rhythm, the game is going well. Most of the Clemson team isn’t even that good, and the only one who could do any damage is an enormous, ugly-looking striker that Jean takes care of with a couple well-placed checks.

Aaron and Nicky swap in for Matt and Jean. Nathaniel clacks sticks with Nicky as he joins him on their side of the court. “Coach says he wants double digits from you,” Nicky tells Nathaniel, smiling behind his helmet.

Nathaniel laughs and says, “Coach is dreaming.”

“Nah,” Nicky says. “Let’s do this, pretty boy.”

Nathaniel jogs back to his spot, waiting for the play to resume. Ten points from him might be a lot, but he thinks it might actually be attainable in this game. He renews his attacks on the defense. It pays off when, five minutes later, he scores again, and Kevin knocks him on the shoulder approvingly.

“Fuck yeah,” Allison tells him, jogging back to half court. “Keep it up!”

At halftime, Wymack gives them a positive review. Everyone is sweaty and panting, but grinning. They’re winning, and they’re winning _well_. They drink water, and get back onto the court rejuvenated, with a solid lead to protect Renee in goal.

It’s almost enough to forget that Riko is there.

For a couple minutes, the second half is going well. Kevin scores, and the ball gets handed over to the Tigers. It goes back in play, and the ugly striker makes a breakaway.

Nathaniel sprints back to give Nicky some support. It’s unnecessary, as Nicky checks the striker’s racquet and the ball bounces towards the other side of the court. But it’s how Nathaniel plays, because he’s fast enough to move that quickly up and down the side of the court. He keeps control of the zones as Nicky ensures that the striker doesn’t make it to the goal.

But it means that Nathaniel’s already moving back up the court, Nicky no longer needing him, when the huge striker suddenly kicks Nicky’s knees out from under him.

It means that Nathaniel’s not close enough to stop him, when the striker brings his racquet down forcefully on Nicky’s fingers, scrabbling for his own stick.

But Nathaniel’s plenty close enough to hear the scream that Nicky lets out. _I will break your precious backliners’ fingers, one by one._

Oh, this is the nightmare.

Out of the corner of his eye, there’s commotion. Nathaniel turns. It is Riko, getting out of his seat and smoothly exiting the stadium.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i never expected this to get so long why did nobody stop me from making the title a LES MIS reference like whyy did i do that? anyway, leave a comment if you enjoyed, things are starting to get interesting lmao (also i have another idea i might start writing too!! bc i want to drive myself more insane than i already am!!)


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which the twins argue, nicky and kevin discuss muscles, and nathaniel learns a couple more things.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sooooo its kinda been a shitty week. kinda just want to cry lmao. hence this chapter has taken a little while, and its not great, but at least its finally here! also i learned a lot about lord of the rings, so if anyone wants to scream about that with me, feel welcome to :) anyway, enjoy the chapter!

The verdict on Nicky’s injuries is grim, but not as horrible as it could be. Four of his fingers are broken, but Abby says with several weeks of healing, he can start playing again.

Kevin frowns. “That’ll be the rest of the fall season.”

Nathaniel wishes Kevin had slightly more self-preservation. A now-medicated Andrew is still looking like he could easily decapitate anyone and everyone.

Abby smiles gently. “But it means he’ll be ready for the spring season.”

“That’s only, what? Three more games? We’ll be alright,” Renee reassures Kevin.

Dan takes a deep breath. “She’s right.” She walks over, and gives Nicky a tight, one-arm embrace. And then Renee moves forward to hug Nicky, and then suddenly everyone’s wrapping around him, even Aaron. Nicky, tear-stained, fingers bruised and a little mangled, sniffles and laughs.

Andrew stands apart, his usual grin absent from his face. When Aaron notices, he turns around and scowls. Suddenly the tension between the twins is pulled taut like a rope.

“Get over here,” is all Aaron says.

Andrew raises an eyebrow. “Why.”

And then suddenly the anger is tangible, and Aaron, all five feet of blonde midget, puffs up with some kind of cold, cold fury.

Jean hesitantly puts a hand on his shoulder. “Aaron, calm down.”

“No,” Aaron snaps. He moves towards his twin, who just stands there, and oh, _then_ the grin comes back, Andrew all smiles and cruelty, and the rest of the Foxes can’t do anything but stare as the storm rolls in.

“Do you not care?” Aaron snarls at Andrew. “Do you not give a damn about him? Just like mom, isn’t this, where she died and you didn’t give a flying fuck, because you don’t care about anyone, not even family, not even when it’s _your fucking fault_.”

“This is nothing like her,” Andrew says. “I think you have a misconception as to how much I actually cared about _her_.”

“Exactly,” Aaron spits. “You didn’t care about her, and you don’t care about Nicky. Just going to go ahead and let both of them die, aren’t you?”

And then Andrew’s in Aaron’s face, grabbing him and slamming him against the wall. “Fuck you,” he says.

“Guys,” Dan says. “Calm the fuck down.”

Andrew doesn’t even look at her. “I keep my promises, _Aaron_. She didn’t deserve protection.”

“Yeah, and look where your ‘promises’ got us. Nicky’s fingers are _broken._ ”

Andrew stabs a finger into his chest. “Oh yeah? Which of us was on the court? Wasn’t me.”

“Oh yeah? Which of us was in the car?”

"Aaron, Aaron, are we talking about Nicky or _her_?”

“I don’t know, but you obviously don’t give a shit. Maybe you should just take your protection and shove it up your ass.”

Nathaniel and Jean step forward at the same time. Jean hauls Aaron off of Andrew, and Nathaniel steps between them.

“Both of you,” Jean says. “Stop it.”

“This was Riko’s fault,” Nathaniel tells them, looking back and forth between the two, their tiny identical expressions of rage. “Not ours. He left as soon as it happened, and he has the money to pay someone to do it.”

Then Aaron turns on him. “Oh, yeah, Mr. I’m-going-to-antagonize-Riko-on-live-TV? You don’t get to talk. If you think it’s like that, then it’s your fault that Riko’s coming after us.”

“Aaron,” Jean snaps, and Nathaniel winces. “You are angry. But you have no right to toss the blame around because of it.”

“He’s right,” Kevin says. Nathaniel glances at him. Kevin is still holding on to Nicky, and Nicky is hugging back just as tightly. But Nathaniel notices Kevin’s hands, his right curled protectively around his left.

There’s a tense moment, and then Aaron had just sort of deflates. The rest of the team springs into action, pulling Andrew and Aaron to separate sides of the small room. Dan, frustrated and angry, looks ready to give them a harsh talking-to, until Wymack walks into the room.

Wymack glances between all of them. “I don’t want to know,” he says tiredly.

“Is anything happening to the Clemson player?” Allison asks.

Wymack looks a little sad and a little angry. “The call the ref made stands. There was visible targeting, so he gets a red, but that’s it.”

Calling the bus ride home painful is an understatement. Nicky is unwilling to let go of Kevin, and surprisingly, Kevin doesn’t want to either. The rest of the team sits in a clump, except for Andrew, who sits in the back, and Aaron, who sits as far away from Andrew as possible.

All Nathaniel can feel is hatred, burning and growing in the pit of his stomach. A renewed determination – he’s going to hurt Riko, for what he’s done to Nicky. For what he’s done to all of them.

* * *

Practices are strange and quiet the next week. Nathaniel didn’t realize how accustomed he’d grown to Nicky being there, to Nicky’s laughter and lewd jokes, brightening practices up when Kevin gets too intense. It’s unbearably quiet, made worse by the fact that Aaron and Andrew have reached a stalemate.

Aaron spends a lot of time out of the dorm or with Jean (and sometimes Matt and Nicky), only tolerating Nathaniel or Kevin when they’re away from Andrew. Andrew, on the outside, seems unaffected, but his manic babble has hit a fever pitch, starting to sound more like desperation than anything else. (Surprisingly, his loopy rambling is the only thing keeping practices from turning silent, other than Kevin and Dan’s commentary.) In a stark contrast, when they reach night practices, Andrew doesn’t say a word. He doesn’t even sleep while Kevin and Nathaniel scrimmage, just stares at the ceiling. Neither of the twins have been sleeping, as evidenced by the purple hollows under their eyes. Ironically, the combination of sleep deprivation and anger only serves to highlight their similarities, even despite Aaron’s coldness and Andrew’s grins.

Nicky’s arm and hand get put in a cast (“I feel like this is overkill,” he’d said, and Abby had frowned at him) and he’s officially out of business for the rest of the fall season. Wymack puts him to work watching games, but on Thursday, Nicky comes out carrying a rainbow of friendship bracelets.

“I made one for everyone!” He says, then, “It was a little difficult, but I figured it out.”

Wymack sighs. “Did you even watch the games?”

Nicky gives him a sheepish smile. “Kind of.”

Allison snickers, and Matt hides his smile behind a hand. Kevin opens his mouth to say something, but Nathaniel shoots him a look. The pink cast that Nicky’s wearing is a firm reminder of Riko, and all that Riko is doing to try and hurt Nathaniel and Kevin now that he can’t get to Jean.

Nicky continues. “Don’t worry, Coach, I made one for you, too.” And Nicky does indeed proceed to hand out a friendship bracelet to everyone, including Coach.

Surprisingly, Andrew takes his, and loops it around his armband. Nathaniel thinks, _is that remorse?_ and then dismisses the idea, because Andrew Minyard doesn’t tend to regret things. They may come around and bite him in the ass later, and he may look disgruntled about the fact that they did so, but he doesn’t regret them.

Or maybe Nathaniel’s just projecting.

Either way, Nathaniel takes the bracelet (orange and white, Fox colors) and pulls it tight around his wrist, as tight as it can go. He tries not to get caught thinking about how nice and small his wrists are (though they are, very nice and small and bony, unlike the rest of him) and instead, thanks Nicky.

Wymack takes his own, and then shifts. “Ah,” he says. “There’s another article coming out.”

Everyone groans, except Kevin. Kevin says, “Publicity is good.”

"They quote Nathaniel,” Wymack tells him.

“Never mind.”

With a fine example of things coming around to bite them in the ass, on Friday Nicky drags Nathaniel and Kevin out shopping. Jean is with Renee, ostensibly getting his hair touched up but probably escaping the tension of the cousins’ room, so Nathaniel and Kevin have no way to argue when Nicky says they’re leaving.

“It’s Andrew and Aaron’s birthday tomorrow,” Nicky tells them. “I need to get them something. I would have earlier, but I’ve just been caught up in the whole mess, you know? And like, they haven’t really celebrated the past few years, but I just need to…do _something_.”

Nathaniel and Kevin exchange glances. “Are you going to want our help?” Nathaniel finally asks.

“Oh, no,” Nicky says. “You’re my arm candy. Also, I need you to carry things.”

“How much stuff are we getting?” Kevin asks, sounding vaguely concerned.

Nicky flaps his non-pink hand at him dismissively, and then they’re off.

They end up at a clothing store, for unforeseen reasons. While they wait for Nicky to slowly sort through the racks, Kevin hands Nathaniel a pair of aviators from a sunglasses stand.

Nathaniel puts them on, and Kevin snickers. “Bitch,” Nathaniel says, and hands him a pair that are bright green, and look sort of like cat-eyes.

Nicky, glancing over, starts laughing hard enough that Nathaniel’s worried he’s going to break something else. “Hold on,” Nicky says, gasping and pulling out his phone. “Do the Charlie’s Angels pose. _Please_.”

Kevin and Nathaniel glance at each other. “What?” Kevin asks, sounding as confused as Nathaniel feels.

Nicky rolls his eyes, but carefully rearranges them so that they’re back to back, holding their hands in finger guns pointed to the sky. Nathaniel’s not sure how he feels about it, but it seems to be cracking Nicky up, as he takes picture after picture.

“This is the best thing,” Nicky says. “I’m so sending this to Erik.”

Kevin, still with his ridiculous green sunglasses, looks at Nathaniel and offers a fist bump. Nathaniel acquiesces.

“I love watching you two impersonate humans,” Nicky says. A minute later, he laughs. “Erik says that Nathaniel, you need a pair to match Kevin.”

Somehow, that turns into Nicky talking about Erik’s latest endeavors – rock climbing, apparently, which he’s been sending Nicky many pictures of. “I miss him,” Nicky finally ends with. “And his muscles.”

Nathaniel is about to ask a careful comment about whether or not Erik might fly in (although he doesn’t know if that will happen, based on Nicky’s daily FaceTimes with him, and how Nicky always emerges happy but a little melancholic), except then he notices Kevin nodding.

“Rock climbing is very good strength training,” Kevin says. “It cultivates good muscles in a lot of different parts of your body.”

Nicky blinks at him. “Have you ever done it?”

“Oh,” Kevin says. “No, but Thea does. Did.”

“Ah, the mystery girlfriend,” Nicky says, nodding sagely. “She looks like she has some good muscles. I mean, I’m not into girls, but she’s solid.”

Kevin agrees, and now suddenly he and Nicky are talking mournfully about missing their partners and their partners’ muscles, and Nathaniel has absolutely no idea how or if he’s supposed to contribute to this conversation.

“It’s nice,” Nicky says. “Him being strong. You know? I mean, obviously you know, Thea is built like a powerhouse and so are you, but it’s just nice, right? Like, they’re strong. You can lean on them.”

Kevin’s response gets lost as Nathaniel thinks, _huh._ Because the first thing that popped into his head when Nicky said that, was Andrew holding him up when he collapsed. _I’m going to eat a sandwich over your grave._ _I promised you protection._

 _Huh,_ Nathaniel thinks, and promptly tables that analysis for a later time.

They roll out of the shopping center half an hour later, and nothing more is said of the twins’ birthday until the next day, when Nicky comes hurtling into their room at top speed.

“Hold your horses there, dude,” Matt tells him. “You need to not break anything else.”

“Help,” Nicky says. “My mom saw the article. _And_ she called to wish the twins a happy birthday.”

“Why is that a bad thing?” Matt asks curiously.

“Why is this our issue?” Jean asks slightly more hostilely, working on some paper or another.

Nathaniel thinks, with some surprise, that he should probably do his homework too.

“ _Because_ ,” Nicky says. “She wants me to come over for dinner, like next week. And she wants me to bring the twins.”

This doesn’t exactly garner the reaction Nicky seems to be looking for.

“Ok?” Nathaniel says.

Nicky sighs. “They’ll never say yes.”

“Probably not,” Nathaniel agrees.

“I doubt Aaron gives a fuck,” Jean says.

“But Andrew won’t say yes,” Nathaniel finishes. “Why does it matter?”

Nicky says, “Mom told me I can’t come without them.” For a moment, he looks a little lost, and Nathaniel decides he already dislikes the Hemmick family.

“Ok?” Nathaniel tries again.

“Nathaniel,” Nicky appeals. “Andrew listens to you. Please, can you talk to him or something? I just…I’m going stir-crazy without practices. Who knew I’d miss this fucking sport. But my mom actually sounded concerned! She even said she’d watched a replay of the game online! Please, Nathaniel. They kicked me out of the house after they learned about Erik, and my mom is the only one who calls, and only on Christmas. This might be my chance to reconnect with them. Maybe she…I don’t know, maybe she’s seeing the error of her ways, and all that bullshit. I don’t know.” He swallows. “But I need to know. Please, Nathaniel. I miss them.”

Nathaniel really doesn’t want to, but Nicky sounds so sad, and Nathaniel can’t stop thinking about the way Riko targeted Nicky. “Would your parents object if the three of us came along?” He asks.

“Wait – ” Kevin starts, but is cut off as Jean jabs an elbow into his gut.

Nicky’s face brightens incrementally as he realizes Nathaniel’s actually considering it. “Maybe! I can call back and ask? I’ll let you know. Will you go talk to Andrew for me?”

Nathaniel finally nods, and then turns to Jean. “Aaron is your problem,” he says.

Jean rolls his eyes, but nods.

As Nathaniel leaves, he hears Matt say, “God, you guys are fucked up.” That makes Nathaniel snort as he heads into the cousins’ room.

Nathaniel follows the smell of cigarette smoke, ignoring the faint flashbacks it always conjures of his mother. He finds Andrew smoking by the window, and silently goes to stand beside him. 

“Penny for your thoughts?” Andrew finally asks. “Unfortunately I’m not sure they’re worth much more.”

Nathaniel rolls his eyes. “Happy birthday, you enormous drama queen. Don’t run away when I say this, ok?”

“That’s concerning,” Andrew says. “But no, running away is your job.” When Nathaniel doesn’t immediately respond, Andrew makes an impatient gesture. “I’m listening. Tick tock.” 

"Nicky’s mother called.”

Andrew laughs. “Oh no! Your time is up.”

Nathaniel puts an arm in front of him, stopping him from hopping off the chair he’s sitting on. “She invited him home for dinner, but she wants you and Aaron to come too. This means a lot to him, Andrew.”

“Nicky is a fool for always believing in the goodness of people.”

“Why?”

Andrew blows a cloud of smoke in his face. “Nicky’s gayer than a rainbow, but he wasn’t always like that. Luther decided that the best thing to do was pray the gay away, and so he did! Sent little Nicky off to _conversion camp,_ hoping that his son would come back without the devil living in his mind. Hellfire and damnation and all that jazz. Didn’t really care about what they did to make that happen. Too bad for Luther! Instead, Nicky came back and went to Germany and found ‘the love of his _life_ ’, and then Luther got _me._ Another kind of devil, but this one can spit in his face, and spit I shall.”

Nathaniel is now firmly set in his hatred of Nicky’s family, but he can’t forget the hope on Nicky’s face. “He needs this,” Nathaniel says, avoiding the word ‘please’.

“He needs this,” Andrew repeats mockingly.

Nathaniel gives him an unimpressed look. “He’s your family, Andrew, even if they aren’t. Do this for him. What do you have against Luther?”

Andrew tuts. “Ah, ah, hold on there. Where are your own parents, little rabbit?”

 _Hm,_ Nathaniel thinks. So they’re back to trading truths. “My mother is dead.”

“Did you kill her?”

Nathaniel blinks, and then asks, “Did you kill yours?”

Andrew waits a long minute before saying, “I don’t have a mother.”

Nathaniel says, “That’s not true.”

“Are we talking about Tilda?” Andrew asks. “Because if so, I think you know the answer to that question.”

Nathaniel acknowledges this as a confirmation of Andrew’s involvement in his mother’s death, evaluates whether this changes his view of Andrew, and decides it doesn’t. “I didn’t kill my mother. My father did. If we weren’t talking about Tilda, who would we be talking about?”

“Oh, how interesting. Who would your father be? Is he crazy like you?”

“I’m not the crazy one here,” Nathaniel reminds him. “I’m surprised you haven’t figured out who my father is. He cut my mother into pieces when she tried to run away with me. Then he gave me to the Moriyamas, and then he ended up in jail. That gives you an idea of what kind of man he is.”

Nathaniel doesn’t like even that small admittance, and he doesn’t like the feeling of unease that comes with remembering. He’s not naïve enough to think that his father doesn’t know he ran away, not with his face splashed all over the news, but Nathaniel is hoping to use the Moriyamas as protection one last time – with luck, Riko will kill him before his father ever has the chance to.

“Should I worry about him?” Andrew asks.

Nathaniel almost laughs. “No,” he says. “The only one who has to worry is me.”

Andrew taps a finger to Nathaniel’s pulse. “No more running, little rabbit. That would ruin the game.”

“I’m not,” Nathaniel replies. He returns to their parallel conversation. “If we weren’t talking about Tilda, who would we be talking about?”

Andrew actually hesitates, and then says, “There was a woman named Cass Spear, and she was going to be my mother. Andrew Spear. With a brother, too! It was a fairytale. But then I went to juvie, and then Tilda appeared, and suddenly I had a brother. And then Luther, on some sort of mission from God, tried to make things right with me. He was going to send me back to Cass, but we couldn’t have that, so I told Luther a nice little secret, an allowance, something to keep me away.”

Nathaniel frowns, thinks about Andrew’s life of bargains and deals, promises and traded truths. “What did he do with it?”

“Oh, the worst thing. He didn’t believe me.”

Nathaniel doesn’t know how to respond. But he still asks, “What was the secret?”

Andrew laughs. “No, Nathaniel, you don’t get that one today. But you see why I don’t like Luther.”

“You don’t have to talk to him,” Nathaniel says. “Jean, Kevin, and I are coming, so talk to us.”

“Oh, joy,” Andrew deadpans. “Because talking to exy fanatics is so much better than talking to religious fanatics. At least you don’t wear the white hood and robes, right?”

“Do it for Nicky,” Nathaniel says, ignoring the jab. “Give him a chance to see his family for what they are – good or bad. We don’t have to stay long, just enough for dinner.”

Andrew is quiet for a long minute, toying with the bracelet around his armband. It leaves time for Nathaniel to remember what Nicky said, months ago, on the dance floor at Eden’s Twilight. _Family’s who Andrew chooses to protect._ He thinks about how off Andrew’s been. Did Aaron’s words actually manage to get through Andrew’s cracked shell?

“Fine,” Andrew finally says. “Fine. Let Nicky scream his joy. Just do it far, far away from me.” Nathaniel smiles, to which Andrew says, “You are despicable.”

“I know,” Nathaniel tells him, and then he goes back to his own room. “He said yes,” he directs at Nicky.

Nicky pulls Nathaniel into a tight, one-armed hug. “Thank you. I’m – _thank you._ ”

“I didn’t agree to this,” Kevin says, looking mildly displeased.

“We know,” Jean says absent-mindedly, patting him on the back. “Hey, what was the significance of the Ottoman Empire?”

This successfully derails any complaints Kevin currently has, leaving Nathaniel with only one person to focus on – Nicky, who still won’t let him go.

“I can’t believe you got him to agree,” Nicky says. “You’re truly a miracle, Nathaniel Wesninski.” Then he heads back to his room, presumably to call his mom back.

Nathaniel is left blinking, thinking that he hasn’t really heard his name used in that context in…a while, especially not with how close it is to his father’s.

Matt just leans back, watching the chaos. “You guys are seriously fucked up,” he says.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading! just in case anyone's interested, i'm gonna put my list of songs for this story (a vibe, a general aesthetic, the like) below, and if anyone has any songs that fit this story pls comment them :) (also i love all these songs - give them a listen)
> 
> tessellate/breezeblocks/something good by alt-j, sober up by ajr, birthday suit/hocking by cosmo sheldrake, 7 minutes by dean lewis, hunger/bird song by florence and the machine, choke by i dont know how but they found us, we'll never know the place/metempsychosis by fever the ghost, i want to by soul monsters, the phoenix by fall out boy, caesar by the oh hellos, way down we go by kaleo, house of the rising sun by the animals, spirits by the strumbellas, high hopes/one of the drunks by panic! at the disco, hopeless wanderer/ghosts that we knew by mumford and sons, gasoline by halsey, gun song/salt and the sea by lumineers


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which dinner goes possibly as badly as it can.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello trigger warning its drake sooo andrew does not get raped but thats definitely where it would have been headed had they not gotten interrupted
> 
> sorry yall, i have literally no excuses - i couldnt figure out how to write this right, then ended up going on a multiple day backpacking trip with no cell reception, and then got sucked into tolkien/lotr EVERYTHING (including reading Sansukh). so i cant promise this is good (in fact i hate it lol) but i hope you enjoy an update nonetheless!

The next Saturday, their game is in Florida.

It is, for the most part, generally uneventful. They win, which has finally started to become less surprising. They also do it by a four point margin; they’re figuring out how to win a game through dominating, rather than just scraping by. Nathaniel can tell that Kevin is a little proud of all of them, even Nicky, who had a couple good contributions on the other team’s style at halftime. (Though Kevin won’t ever admit that.) And despite the tension between the twins, the bus ride home is pleasant.

Aaron sits in the front and Andrew sits in the back, which leaves the team to spread themselves out between the two. With everyone generally taking a seat to themselves, exhausted and ready to be home, conversation is fairly single-minded. Which is how Nathaniel finds himself, three hours into the drive, contentedly listening to Allison and Dan rant about uniforms in girls lacrosse.

Kevin has only one contribution. “Lacrosse sucks,” he says flatly.

Jean snickers.

“Guys lacrosse is fine,” Allison says. “Even though it’s not exy. But why do the girls have to wear _skirts_?”

“Fuck the patriarchy,” Dan says. “It’s not even necessary, and I feel like it would definitely impede your movement, just because you don’t want to go around flashing anyone.”

Nathaniel can almost hear Allison toss her hair over her shoulder as she adds the next comment. “While I would still look absolutely stunning wearing a skirt and playing lacrosse – ”

“Yes, you fucking would,” Dan says.

“While I would still look absolutely stunning, I think it’s stupid.”

“Thank god we play exy,” Dan announces, and there’s an audible high-five from the girls’ general direction.

There is also a loud snort of laughter from Nicky and Matt’s row. “This is my new favorite thing,” comes from Matt, gasping with laughter. “Wait, Dan, look at this.”

Nathaniel doesn’t bother to sit up and look.

“What the fuck,” Dan says, a minute later. “What is this?”

“A…a greater sage grouse,” Nicky tells her, sounding reverent. “Isn’t it amazing?”

Dan’s response sounds a little choked. “What the _fuck_?”

The rest of the drive continues in much the same trend. Nathaniel doesn’t engage very much, happy to listen and drift in a fog. It’s not quiet, but his brain is quiet, and there’s a warm, tenuous sense of _family_ in the air. Like for once, Nathaniel’s mind isn’t listing all the ways he’s going to die. Like for once, his brain isn’t trying to convince him who his worst enemy is. (Riko? His father? Or is it only, in the end, himself?)

Fragile peace.

He’s not sure how tomorrow’s going to go, meeting Nicky’s parents. He doesn’t like them, especially not after hearing Andrew’s story, but he guesses he can understand why Nicky wants to try again. The bonds of family can be hard to break. Nathaniel knows his mother was a horrible person, knows that even if she tried to help him escape, she was also complicit in raising him to be full of razor-sharp edges, and that she fed his interest in exy only so that eventually he would be the perfect payment to the Moriyamas. But he also knows he’d give almost anything to see her one last time.

Nathaniel just hopes tomorrow goes smoothly. Then he sighs. Who’s he kidding? Things never go smoothly, not with them.

* * *

The next day starts off badly, and proceeds to get worse from there.

All three of the cousins are on edge throughout the morning. Nicky’s moving around with that frenetic energy, singing and chattering and making yet more friendship bracelets. Aaron, who’s working on some essay or another (and wow, Nathaniel is glad he’s not on any kind of premed track) finally snaps at him to sit down and shut up around early afternoon. Jean and Kevin exchange looks and escape into the kitchen, and Nicky leaves to FaceTime Erik. Matt made himself scarce hours ago.

Nathaniel, attempting to do his own math packet, rubs his face tiredly when Andrew begins to snipe at Aaron. They’re little comments, off-the-rails shit that makes Aaron grow tense, grinding his teeth as he tries to ignore Andrew. It’s not even Andrew’s normal brand of crazy – this is dialed up just to tick Aaron off, and eventually, Aaron starts firing back.

Nathaniel ignores them for the most part, focusing on the numbers. But he’s still himself, and so he keeps an ear open to the argument.

They’re well-worn grooves of fighting, something that could almost be mistaken for sibling bickering, if not for the harshness in Aaron’s tone and the cruelty in Andrew’s. But Nathaniel’s heard it all before, right up until Aaron hisses out something about Cass, a name Nathaniel does recognize, and then _Drake_ , a name he doesn’t.

Andrew freezes at that name, Nathaniel watching out of the corner of his eye as the jack-o’-lantern smile drops. “You really are stupid,” he tells Aaron, yanking the smile back on. “Is it possible when she left me at the hospital something got switched around in the paperwork? I can’t be related to you.”

Aaron growls, and Nathaniel decides he’s had enough. He escapes into the kitchen, pondering in the back of his mind, what exactly about that name (Drake, evidently related to Cass, maybe that brother Andrew sort of mentioned?) made Andrew almost seem…scared?

"Hey,” Kevin greets him absently. He’s sitting in the kitchen with Jean, working away at some paper on his laptop.

Jean says, “Have some yogurt, you missed lunch.”

Nathaniel reluctantly takes the yogurt. “This afternoon is going to be awful.”

Kevin side-eyes him. “It was your idea.”

“It made Nicky happy, and that was the end goal.” Nathaniel’s protests fall on deaf ears; Kevin has been drawn back into whatever he’s writing.

There’s a loud crash from the other room. Nathaniel and Jean exchange commiserating looks.

“I hope they didn’t break anything,” Nathaniel says. 

“I mean, they cannot get any worse than they already are,” Jean points out.

Nathaniel snorts. “No, they definitely could.”

Kevin, who has his knees up to his chest in some ridiculous caricature of a much smaller human being, says, “A man who finds himself in a hole may, to the outsider, appear to have fallen as far as he can. But the man will find his eyes on the ground rather than the sky, and if the ground is soft and a shovel is at hand, he will be prepared to dig.”

There’s a moment of silence.

“You’re a nerd,” Nathaniel tells Kevin.

Jean scoffs and picks up Nathaniel’s packet. “You are doing fifteen step calculus.”

“That’s not what it is,” Nathaniel mutters indignantly.

“Finish your yogurt.”

Unfortunately, when it comes time to crowd everyone into the Maserati, Andrew and Aaron are still arguing. Nicky hurriedly drags Andrew and Kevin into a conversation about Marvel movies (a “conversation”, wherein Kevin presents little tidbits of fact and commentary while Andrew disagrees with all of it). Aaron, squished between Jean and Nathaniel, glares at both of them and then pointedly closes his eyes.

Jean has a bit of a kicked puppy look, on the other side of Aaron. With Andrew, Nicky, and Kevin engaged in a conversation about Ironman, Nathaniel says in quiet French, “ _You should do pink next._ ”

The expression goes away, and Jean tugs at his hair. The roots are growing in dark, but the top is still violet. “ _Maybe_ ,” he says. “ _Purple pink would be nice._ ”

Aaron’s eyes snap open, and the glare is back.

Nathaniel rolls his eyes and settles into the nook between Aaron’s shoulders and the car window. It’s going to be a long drive.

Thankfully, Nicky is driving. This means that today, they aren’t going to get pulled over for Andrew’s reckless driving.

Nathaniel gets less and less confident about that the closer they get to the suburbs of Columbia. Nicky drums his fingers on the steering wheel and forgets to put on his turn signal and talks louder and louder. Finally, they pull up to the curb of a nice, cookie-cutter house. Nicky puts the car in park and leans his head against the steering wheel.

Andrew doesn’t let him rest, and instead announces cheerfully, “Time to face the music!” 

The six of them spill out of the car and head for the door. Andrew feigns a kick to the nice-looking car in the driveway.

“Andrew,” Nicky says. Then, “When did they get that?”

Andrew laughs. It’s not a kind noise.

Kevin says to Jean and Nathaniel, “ _Allison put twenty bucks and a nice bottle of wine on this blowing up in our faces._ ”

“ _Did you bet against her_?” Jean asks.

Kevin gives him a look. “ _I am not that stupid._ ”

Nicky reaches a hand up to knock on the door, but before he can, it swings open.

Nathaniel sees motion out of the corner of his eyes as the smile drops off of Andrew’s face, quicker than lightning. He narrows his eyes at Andrew, who’s artfully arranged his features into a carbon copy of Aaron.

"Nicky,” says the woman in the doorway, small and dark. She smiles, and for a moment, Nathaniel can see a little bit of Nicky in that smile. Then she looks past him, to the twins, and her expression slips into polite indifference. “Hello, boys.”

“Hello, Maria,” Andrew says.

She nods at him hesitantly.

Barely polite, Nathaniel thinks, since she evidently can’t tell them apart. He has enough sense to realize that’s Andrew’s goal – but enough spite to start mentally listing all the reasons Andrew is different from Aaron, even as Maria’s eyes sweep right over Nathaniel and the other two misfits standing on her doorstep.

“Welcome to our home,” Maria says, and opens the door wide. Nicky leads them through, stopping for a perfunctory hug from his mother on the way in.

The interior of the house is sparsely decorated, with crosses instead of family pictures. Something is cooking in the kitchen, Nathaniel can smell it in the air, but nothing about this house feels inviting. In fact, it feels a lot like his father’s house in Baltimore.

“The short one is Nathaniel, and that’s Kevin and Jean,” Nicky says to Maria. “The ones I told you about.”

Maria offers them the same uncomfortable nod that she did to Andrew and Aaron. Andrew’s manic grin is making a reappearance, and even despite the earlier glares, Aaron’s standing between Jean and his brother like he’s trying to hide.

A man meets them in the doorway of the kitchen. He’s white, and tall, and Nathaniel internally cringes as he recognizes the harsh, cold expression on his face – the same one that sometimes flits across Aaron’s face, and rarely, Andrew’s.

“Luther,” Andrew greets, rather more enthusiastically than the situation requires. “You’ve got a very nice car. Don’t you know stealing is against the Lord’s teachings?”

A spasm of anger crosses Luther’s face, and he resolutely ignores the three related to him. “Hello,” he says to Jean, Nathaniel, and Kevin. “I am Nicky’s father. You may call me Luther.”

Jean blinks at Nathaniel, and his expression says, _an asshole_?

"Thank you for inviting us,” Nathaniel says, because he does have manners, contrary to popular belief.

Luther replies with, “Dinner will be ready in a few moments. Nicky, if you would?”

Nicky scrambles to lead them to the back of the house while Nathaniel scrunches his face a little at Jean. _An asshole._

The back of the house has a screened-in porch, with a table set for eight – three chairs on each side, and one at both ends. Jean, Nathaniel, and Kevin take all three seats on one side of the table, Nicky and Aaron across from them. Andrew takes an end seat, reclining back and putting his heavy boots up on the table.

“Andrew,” Nicky hisses, but straightens up as Maria enters the room, carrying a couple dishes. “Oh, mom, let me help you.”

Maria smiles hesitantly at him, and he brightens under her gaze. He carefully takes one of the plates with his good hand, balancing it with his cast.

“How is it?” Maria asks quietly, gesturing towards his hand.

“Getting better,” Nicky replies. “Abby said that hopefully the cast can come off before finals. Then I’ll have to start working to strengthen it.”

“As long as you listen to Abby,” Aaron says. “And don’t overdo it.”

Nicky nods. He follows Maria back into the kitchen, and as the door shuts behind the two, Nathaniel and Aaron both turn to glare at Andrew.

Andrew sighs over-exaggeratedly and takes his feet off the table. Nathaniel winces. There’s mud on the tablecloth.

Luther seats himself at the head of the table and Maria sits at his left, next to Nicky. Kevin reaches for a bowl of chicken, but Luther clears his throat. Nicky shakes his head, and then grabs Maria and Aaron’s hands. Luther takes Maria’s, seemingly unwilling to take Nathaniel’s, and begins praying. Andrew ignores him, and starts putting food on his plate anyway.

After the prayers, they start passing dishes around the table.

Luther finally breaks the silence by glancing towards Nathaniel’s side of the table. “Are any of you religious?”

“My mother was Catholic,” Kevin says. “She is dead.”

Luther blinks, and then looks at Nathaniel, for some unknown reason.

“Ah,” Nathaniel says, stalling. “Not really. All three of us were raised in a…rather tense environment.”

“Perhaps God is what you were missing,” Luther suggests.

There’s a slightly strangled noise from Jean.

“Yeah,” Nathaniel agrees. “I’m pretty sure God wasn’t present.”

“I think, if we’re discussing Nathaniel,” Andrew adds with a smile, “Satan would be a more appropriate recommendation.”

Nathaniel puts some chicken on his plate.

Maria gives him a pained smile. “So the three of you play exy, then? With Nicky?”

“Mom, we already talked about this – ” Nicky starts.

“Yes,” Kevin says, although he sounds a little surprised to be asked, and he doesn’t elaborate.

“Ah,” Maria responds. “And what do you study?” She seems to be doing her best to ignore the twins – Aaron is glaring into his chicken, while Andrew is watching the conversation with what appears to be vicious glee.

“I’m doing something along the same lines as Nicky,” Jean offers. “Finance stuff. I think we are going different places with our lives, though,” he reflects wryly.

“And where is that, Nicky?” Luther asks. He and Maria both seem to pause, like they’re waiting for the right answer.

Nicky looks like he’s steeling himself. “I’ve already told you. In Germany. Erik’s family has a possible job opening, and once I graduate, I’ll be all set to start living there.”

"So you are still living in sin, then,” Luther says. 

“It’s not sin,” Nicky says. “It’s love.”

Luther sighs, like Nicky is some misbehaving schoolboy and not his adult son. “We’ve talked about this, Nicky. This is unnatural, is what it is.”

 _"Luuuu-ther_ ,” Andrew says in a sing-song voice, drawing out the middle of the name. “I have some bad news for you.”

Aaron, down the table, starts eating his food even faster. Nathaniel reflects on the situation, glances at the meager portions on his own plate, and follows Aaron’s lead.

“Half the people in this room are _unnatural_ ,” Andrew says, staring down his uncle across the table and smiling. “And that includes you.”

Nathaniel thanks whatever God they worship in this house that Kevin has the good sense, for once, to keep his mouth shut about ‘not being gay’.

Nicky shoots Andrew a glare. “Let’s be polite.”

Meanwhile, Maria puts a hand on Luther’s arm and says placatingly, “Boys.”

Nicky turns back to his father. “It’s not unnatural. It’s love, dad. God was always about love. Can’t you accept that?” He looks at Maria. “Mom?”

Nathaniel doesn’t really want to look at Nicky’s face as both of his parents avoid his eyes.

“I think perhaps this conversation should be tabled for a later time,” Luther says. 

Nicky’s face falls. “Fine,” he says quietly.

Andrew, of course, has to put his five cents in. “Don’t worry, Nicky. Luther here will ensure that God’s reckoning comes our way, won’t he?”

Nathaniel’s looking close enough that he sees as Luther _flinches_. “Andrew,” Luther says stiffly. “If you would join me inside, for a moment?”

Maria begins a quiet conversation with Jean and Nicky about their degree, but Nathaniel focuses on the exchange between Luther and Andrew.

“Why would I want to do that?” Andrew asks cheerily.

“I think it would be in your best interest,” Luther says.

For some reason, Andrew listens, and he helps Luther to begin clearing the plates. Nathaniel attempts to finish the chicken on his plate, finding that his normally small appetite is further shrunken by the air of _badness_ that has threaded through the last hour.

Luther doesn’t return with Andrew in five minutes, or in ten. Aaron stands to clear his plate, and Nathaniel decides to follow him, having little desire to eat or to contribute to the conversation.

Luther’s in the kitchen, washing dishes. There’s a little smile on his face, and it looks wrong.

“Where’s Andrew?” Nathaniel asks.

Aaron curls his lip and is preparing to walk back out when Luther responds.

“Somebody wanted to see him,” Luther says. “Very awfully, it seemed. I thought it would be nice. A family reunion.”

Aaron freezes. In a very cold voice, sounding so much like Andrew it’s painful, he says, “Who’s here, Luther?” When Luther doesn’t respond, Aaron slams his glass on the counter. It shatters. “Who’s here.”

Luther frowns. “That wasn’t necessary.”

Aaron’s hand is bleeding. He clenches it into a fist. “Answer me.”

Luther smiles again. “Drake.”

Nathaniel remembers Andrew’s reaction to that name, earlier. Aaron’s reaction to it now is equally violent.

Aaron is walking away. Nathaniel hurries to follow him.

“Young man!” Luther’s exclamation seems to echo. “You will be cleaning up this mess, you understand?”

“Aaron,” Nathaniel says, and they’re heading up the stairs.

“Shut up, Wesninski,” Aaron hisses. “Fucking shut up.”

“Aaron,” Nathaniel says again. “Do you need a knife?”

Aaron almost trips over a step, and he looks at Nathaniel. His expression shutters even more. “God, fuck, you’re not kidding.”

There’s only three doors upstairs. Aaron, almost jogging now, heads for the one at the end of the hallway. The door is almost closed, but not locked, and Aaron pushes it open.

“Andrew – ” Nathaniel starts to ask, and then he’s greeted by a sight that is, almost, worse than anything he’d ever seen in his father’s business.

Andrew’s on the bed, and his pants are down around his knees, his boxers barely hanging on to his hips. There’s a big man behind him, his arms keeping Andrew’s pinned, his hand fumbling at his belt. There’s scratches on his arms, and blood under Andrew’s nails, and pictures on the wall. They’re pictures of Nicky, Nicky as a little kid playing baseball, Nicky as a little kid at church, little kid Nicky everywhere, as Andrew is restrained on his little kid bed.

Nathaniel understands, now, why his father kills people.

He doesn’t have time to scare himself, though, as the big man (Drake, Nathaniel’s mind numbly puts together) turns towards them. “Well,” he drawls. “An audience? Perhaps you’d like to join in, Aaron. That’s why I’m here, you know. Two for one deal.”

Aaron, next to him, goes stock-still. 

But the man isn’t done. He points to Nathaniel. “And for you. I was told to pass this along: this one’s just for you, Junior.”

Something inside Nathaniel cracks, and he’s pulling the knife out before he even registers it. But he’s not quick enough, as Aaron is the one who finds the old baseball bat leaning against the wall, and picks it up. And Aaron, a backliner who can keep up with Jean Moreau, who stands in front of the goal and destroys strikers – Aaron swings the baseball bat at Drake with as much force as he can muster.

It is, admittedly, a lot, even with Aaron’s cut hand.

Drake’s skull caves, and the baseball bat flies out of Aaron’s hands, hitting the wall with a crash. There’s suddenly a lot more blood in the room, and a buzzing in Nathaniel’s ears.

Aaron turns to Nathaniel, swaying a little. But it’s his face that catches Nathaniel’s attention. It’s blank, devoid of emotion. Because, Nathaniel remembers too late, Aaron Minyard is not kind. Aaron Minyard is made of the same kind of darkness that Andrew Minyard is, and Nathaniel doesn’t know if he’ll ever be able to forget that again.

The buzzing in his ears clears, and suddenly he hears Andrew laughing _._

“Andrew,” Nathaniel says, and this feels like a nightmare, and Aaron is frozen, looking at the blood spreading on the bed, and Nathaniel has seen dead people before but Andrew is _laughing_ , and this is his fault, he convinced them, and Riko did this, and - 

Nathaniel’s going to put a bullet in Riko’s head.

“Nathaniel, Nathaniel,” Andrew says, still laughing. “Scheming Nathaniel, I can see your scheming face! Don’t fret, remember, I can’t feel anything. Tis but a flesh wound!” He grabs Nathaniel’s arm in a vicelike grip and uses it to haul himself upwards.

Aaron, like he’s in a dream, takes his other arm. Andrew looks at him, looks at the blood. “Did he touch you?”

Aaron shakes his head. “No. Andrew, are you – ”

“Where is he,” Andrew interrupts.

“Dead,” Aaron says. “I killed him.”

Nathaniel really thinks that he needs to move; Aaron’s in shock and stating the obvious, Andrew has red marks all over his arms and back, Nathaniel feels deeply unsteady.

“Well,” Andrew says. “That is a startling turn of events.”

It’s at this moment that there’s a scream from the doorway. Aaron and Nathaniel look up. Jean and Kevin both look like they’re going to be violently sick, and Nicky appears to be the origin of the scream.

“What the fuck?” Jean says. “ _What the fuck_?”

Nathaniel is not reacting quickly enough. “Police,” he manages to get out. “Wymack. Both.”

“Betsy,” Jean says. “I’ll…I’ll do that.”

He and Kevin walk away, and Nathaniel can hear Kevin dialing 911, but it’s as if the sound is distorted, like he’s underwater. What’s wrong with him?

Nicky’s still standing in the doorway, looking like he’s going to pass out. “Andrew,” he forces out.

And then Luther and Maria are in the hallway behind Nicky, Maria looking faint and Luther looking only slightly unnerved. And Nathaniel is the Butcher’s son, and for a moment he thinks about it. What would happen if he carved them both to pieces?

Andrew still sounds cheerful, drugged out of his mind, and the sound of it seems to be making Aaron as ill as Nathaniel. “Good news, Luther! You were right! This is highly _unnatural_ , isn’t it? Or do you still think I’m wrong, that this is God’s reckoning for me?”

“Dad?” It tears out of Nicky, sounding like it hurts him to say.

Luther doesn’t say anything, seemingly struck dumb. It’s a good thing for him, because if Nathaniel had heard another word from him, he wouldn’t be held responsible for what might happen.

“You knew?” And now, at least, Nicky sounds angry. “You _knew_?”

Luther’s snapping back a cold response, but Nathaniel hears Aaron start to mumble on the other side, holding tightly to Andrew.

“You’re fine,” Andrew tells Aaron. “Shut up. Preemptively. You’re fine. He didn’t touch you.”

“I’m sorry,” Aaron says.

“Shut the fuck up,” Andrew says.

“I’m sorry,” Nathaniel tells both of them, because he has to.

Andrew laughs again, mean this time instead of crazy. “Didn’t you two hear what I said? Fucking stop.”

“I’m going to the cops about this,” Nicky says, and he’s almost shouting. “All of this.”

"Nicky,” Maria says, and she sounds like she’s pleading, like she’s more afraid for her husband than for her nephews sitting in a pool of blood.

“Don’t,” Nicky snaps, and he sounds hysterical. “Don’t try to make this better, don’t try to make this about God. Fuck you, dad. Kevin called 911. I’m telling them _everything_ , when they get here.”

“Nicholas!” Maria finally raises her voice. “You will do no such thing. We are family. Think about your family.”

Nicky looks back at Nathaniel and Andrew and Aaron, and the light in his eyes is fractured and heartbroken. “ _You_ are _not_ my family.” His voice breaks on the last word, and then he’s walking over to the three of them, huddled on the bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im sorry for how not fantastic that was...but thanks for reading, as always :) you guys truly make my day (ill get to comments as soon as i can - i loveee them but im so bad at responding to them lol)


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which they deal with the fallout.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uhhh so its been a shitty week. this is kinda wonky, feels a little bit off, and i dont like the ending lol but i hope yall enjoy it and the subtle gay anyway :) lots of love

The police arrive quickly, along with an ambulance. Andrew slides his armbands to Nathaniel just before they do. They won’t search him, but Andrew shouldn’t have knives. Nathaniel knows that just as well as he does.

Nathaniel tells the police what Drake said. He leaves out what Drake said to him, but implies that Drake was preparing to attack Aaron too, knowing cops are all for making assumptions. After that Nicky takes over, spilling the whole awful story in between tears.

Andrew was lucky, one of the rescue personnel tells them. His worst wounds are on his face – bruises and scrapes. There’s signs of struggle all over his body, marking his skin like watercolor, but nothing severe.

Aaron won’t let go of Andrew, even as the paramedic rushes over and starts checking him, even as they start sliding him into the ambulance. He has to let go, though, when the cops put him in handcuffs.

Andrew’s fingers go white around Aaron’s arm.

“Andrew,” Aaron says, and it sounds like _please don’t leave me here alone_. 

“You don’t have a choice,” Andrew says, and it sounds as uninterested as it always does. But he doesn’t let go of Aaron quickly, and when Aaron is led away, his eyes no longer dark but scared and sad, they both keep glancing at each other, like the other might disappear.

Andrew declines to go to the hospital.

At that point, Kevin approaches with the phone. “It’s dad,” he says.

Andrew takes it. “Coach. Yeah, I’m,” he waits for a few seconds. “Fine.” He hangs up. “I’m not going to the hospital.”

“You need help,” Kevin says, with all his usual tact.

“I don’t need anything,” Andrew replies, but it sounds mechanical. “You called your fucking father and invited him to this shitshow, and he’s bringing Abby and Bee, isn’t he? B and a, Kevin Day. I’m not going to a hospital, coward Day.”

Nathaniel leaves the two of them to argue, and grabs one of the medics. “Does he need urgent medical attention?” He asks in a quiet voice.

She glances at his face, and he can tell she recognizes it. “It would be recommended,” she says.

Nathaniel lets go of her arm. “Thank you.” He tells Kevin, “It’ll be fine.”

Eventually the ambulance leaves, and the multitude of police officers start drifting away now that the excitement is over. Jean finds Nathaniel and Kevin, and his eyes look a little red. He slips into distressed French. “ _I cannot go to the police station, so Nicky is. We are free to take the car back to the house._ ”

“Ok,” Nathaniel says. “Andrew, we’re going to go now.”

Andrew drags himself to his feet. Kevin tosses the keys to Nathaniel as Andrew leans on Kevin, muttering something nonsensical. Jean climbs into the passenger seat and leans his head back, closing his eyes. In the backseat, Andrew’s knuckles are white, the only thing showing how much pain he’s in. Even worse, Kevin is talking about exy, and Andrew’s letting him.

Back at the house, there are already two cars parked out front. The four of them silently head inside, finding Wymack, Abby, and Betsy seated in the kitchen.

"How did you get in here?” Andrew asks. “Never mind.”

“Why aren’t you at the hospital?” Wymack asks, standing up angrily.

"I said no,” Andrew replies. “And I will say no to you, too.”

Abby looks stricken; she stands up to take Andrew from Kevin. “Let me – ”

“No,” Andrew says, and then walks out of the room.

Kevin sort of slumps into Jean and Nathaniel. Wymack motions towards one of the kitchen chairs, but Nathaniel stumbles towards the couch. He relaxes onto that, Kevin sitting between him and Jean, a three-person tangle of arms and legs and elbows in stomachs. Nathaniel finds he doesn’t really care.

Wymack and Abby join them. Betsy whispers something to Abby, and then moves to follow wherever Andrew went.

“Explain,” Wymack says. His eyes are on Nathaniel.

“You heard,” Nathaniel replies. He doesn’t want to talk about this, not when it’s his fault, not when he has to think about what Riko said. (Or was it even Riko? Would Riko know to call him ‘Junior’?)

“I got half answers from him,” Wymack nods to Kevin, “and a bit more coherency from Jean. But neither of them…” His face contorts. “You were with Aaron.”

Nathaniel says, “They’re going to need a lawyer.”

“The cousins’ lawyer will be here in the morning,” Abby responds softly. “But we need to hear what happened, Nathaniel.”

An arm tightens around Nathaniel’s shoulder. He’s not sure whether it’s Jean’s or Kevin’s.

“Nathaniel,” Wymack says warningly.

Nathaniel has a good memory. Nathaniel remembers what the touch of the iron felt like, when he didn’t listen to his father. He tells Wymack about it all – about Luther and the glass and dashing up the stairs with Aaron, and about the baseball bat and the comical look of surprise on Drake’s face as his skull caved in. Almost accidentally, he leaves out the ‘Junior’ line from Riko, because it isn’t relevant, because Nathaniel lies like he breathes, because –

Because he is ashamed, and this is his fault, and Aaron, Aaron who wants to become a doctor to _help_ people, is now a murderer, and it is in part because of Nathaniel.

When he stops, he takes a brief moment of strength from Kevin, and then finishes. “It was self defense. And this wasn’t the first time Drake did it, I can guarantee that.”

Kevin twitches, and Jean lays his head on his shoulder.

“I think the twins’ lawyer will be able to defend the case just fine,” Wymack says. “But Aaron still killed someone.”

Nathaniel looks Wymack square in the eyes, and he buries the shame and lets the coldness and the numbness slip in. He’s running out of patience. “I think that you should be happy that it was Aaron who killed that man, and not me. Because if it were me who killed him, it would be much, much more difficult to judge as simple _self defense_.”

Wymack doesn’t flinch, but Abby does.

Jean sees it, and he laughs, a little crazed, a little hysterical, a little genuine amusement. “ _Oh Nathaniel,_ ” he begins in French, _“would that we could watch you tear him apart._ ”

“English, please,” Wymack says.

Kevin whispers, “I don’t think you want to know what he said.”

Wymack sighs and rubs his face. “You three,” he says. “You three are going to be the reason I retire.”

Nathaniel gives him a tired salute, but aborts the movement halfway through as he and Wymack both remember exactly who it originated with.

The front door opens, and Wymack and Abby both stand to go to Nicky. They hear the door from Andrew’s bedroom click shut, and the soft footsteps of Betsy. She murmurs quietly to Wymack as Abby sweeps Nicky into her arms, and he begins to cry again.

Nathaniel doesn’t want to move. Kevin has further entrenched himself into the couch, and both he and Jean are nearly smothering Nathaniel now with their longer limbs. It feels like a hiding place, like a safety bubble. Like if Nathaniel burrows enough between them, they’ll become one singular body, no longer differentiating between Kevin or Jean or himself.

But Nathaniel can’t forget the bruises on Andrew’s face, or the blood and the darkness of Aaron’s. _This one’s just for you, Junior._ When did Riko overhear that nickname? How does he remember it? Why is he dredging it up now, when for the longest time all he wanted to call Nathaniel was _three_? His father isn’t out of jail yet, and all of his father’s people are too afraid of the Moriyamas to come after him. Aren’t they? But if it’s not them, then it has to be Riko. But why is Riko bringing it back?

Nathaniel doesn’t find any rest, not for a long, silent couple of hours.

* * *

The next morning, Nathaniel wakes up when Wymack does. He carefully extricates himself from the jumble that is Kevin and Jean, and walks into the kitchen.

Wymack, making himself a cup of coffee, nods to the bag on the counter. Nathaniel finds clothes inside, and gratefully grabs athletic shorts.

In the bathroom, he looks at himself in the mirror. Blood on his clothes is not unfamiliar, but that it is Andrew’s is deeply unsettling. Or maybe the unsettling part is just how nauseous it makes him feel, thinking back to Andrew’s laughter and his clothes forcefully pulled off. For once he doesn’t linger over the fat on his ribcage, or the softness of his thighs. He changes, and then brushes past Wymack in the kitchen.

“Going for a run,” he says.

Wymack nods.

He hits the sidewalk at a dead sprint, and doesn’t stop for a long time.

When he gets back, there’s yet another car in front of the house. The adults are in the other room, although Nathaniel can hear their voices. In the kitchen there’s Jean, kind of awake, Nicky, puffy-eyed, and Andrew, his face a riot of colors that nobody seems to want to look at. Unsurprisingly, Kevin is still passed out on the couch.

“Yogurt,” Jean says to Nathaniel.

Nathaniel opens his mouth to say that he already had breakfast _,_ but his eyes catch on Andrew’s face. “Ok,” he says, though it is painful to spoon the food into his mouth and reverse all the work from the run.

“You’re up,” Andrew announces, and points at him, like he’s a game show host. “Yes, you, rabbit, run rabbit, run, except there’s no running to be had this time. Come along.” And then he ushers Nathaniel out of the room and up the stairs.

Andrew props a window open in his room and lights a cigarette. Nathaniel eats his yogurt.

“So,” Andrew starts. “You got what you wanted.”

Nathaniel sets down his yogurt. “I didn’t want this.”

“I don’t presume to know what you _want_ ,” Andrew says. “It changes so often. Always the liar, Nathaniel. Did no one hear what darling Drake said about you? Because I did.”

Nathaniel tenses. “It wasn’t relevant.”

“Oh, but it was. It is. Yet nobody seems to know. I find that very strange. So why would you want to hide it? What’s going on, _Junior_?”

“I’ll take care of it,” Nathaniel says. “Stop.” He doesn’t know what else to say. He doesn’t know how to face Andrew, or how to face the guilt that threatens to choke him.

“I’m starting to think you don’t know how to take care of anything,” Andrew says, and this isn’t a drugged Andrew playfully sparring with Nathaniel. This Andrew’s words are cutting and touched with frost – he’s trying to make them hurt. “From what I’ve heard of your sob story, everyone and everything you love dies. Are you the poison, Nathaniel? Does the apple really fall very far from the tree?”

“I know,” Nathaniel says, because he does. “I know. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t,” Andrew spits out, and it sits between them, festering. “Were you ever going to tell me who you were, butcher boy? That’s what Drake meant. Nathan Wesninski, Junior.”

Nathaniel’s stomach drops. “That is not who I am,” he protests weakly, but his mind drifts towards it. “My name is Nathaniel.”

Andrew looms over him with smoke trailing from his cigarette, a shadow obscuring his bruises, his figure outlined starkly against the window like some kind of avenging angel. His hair shines gold, and Nathaniel thinks wildly that he should have wings and a bloody halo, like he should be putting Nathaniel to the ground and making him repent.

“Haven’t you learned yet, Nathaniel? Haven’t you figured it out? You can’t ever escape yourself. There will _always_ be blood on our – on your hands.”

Nathaniel barely notices the slip, he’s too busy worrying how deep Andrew dug into his past. Did he see anything about his mother? “I was going to tell you.”

“But you didn’t,” Andrew says. “And this whole fiasco is, in a way, your fault, even from multiple angles! How lovely and circular.”

Nathaniel hates this guilt. So he does what he does best - lies and evades. “Why didn’t you tell anyone about Drake?”

“It doesn't matter now,” Andrew says. “You ought not to judge me, little monster. Your sins far outweigh my own.”

Nathaniel has absolutely zero self-preservation, so he keeps pushing. “Why didn’t you? It would’ve helped others. Did you not care? That’s not how you work. So I think you did. Those scars on your arms prove it. But that still leaves me with no answer in this whole tangle.”

“There is no answer.” Andrew blows out a puff of smoke. “You don’t really deserve an answer.”

Nathaniel wonders – were the cuts a way to keep control? Why would he force himself to stay quiet? “You didn’t want to hurt her,” he says, thinking out loud. “Cass. The mother. And Luther. He didn’t believe you? But you thought he might still deal with Drake, if only you never brought it up. So you used the pain to keep all the horrible feelings inside, didn’t you?”

Andrew laughs. “Do I have to remind you again? I don’t feel anything.”

“But you did once,” Nathaniel says, and he thinks he’s right.

Andrew steps close, and he puts a familiar hand on Nathaniel’s throat. “Tread lightly.”

“I’m not afraid of you,” Nathaniel says. “Maybe you don’t feel anything. But you protect your family, which isn’t so different.” And then he figures if he’s putting the gun to his head, he might as well load it. “And you’re going to fix things with Aaron. Or at least, you need to. And you know that.”

“You are not in the place to be making demands of any sort.” Andrew steps back. “I wash my hands of you,” he says, and he turns to leave.

And that – that hurts, a little bit. Nathaniel realizes he desperately doesn’t want Andrew to go. “I know you, Andrew Minyard. And you know me.”

Andrew doesn’t turn back towards him, but he stops. “Oh, Nathaniel, I am certain I could peel back your layers for years and years, and still never know all there is to know about you.”

Nathaniel isn’t sure how to respond to that, so he continues. “I’ll kill Riko, for you. I will. Fix things with Aaron, fix things with Nicky, or maybe don’t, although you really should, before you lose them forever. Either way, just let us stay here.”

He doesn’t say, _let me stay here._ He doesn’t say, _please._

“That’s a tall order,” Andrew says. “Why should I care about Riko’s death? He’s your problem, not mine.”

“I’d kill Drake,” Nathaniel replies. “But he’s already dead. Riko’s the next best thing, since he’s why Drake was there. So if I promise to try to protect you too, can we move forward?”

Andrew turns towards him and asks, almost bitterly, “Why?”

Nathaniel doesn’t say, _because I will most likely die as soon as Riko does._ He doesn’t say, _because I want you, and Kevin, and Jean and Nicky and Aaron, to be happy when I am gone._ He doesn’t say, _because I am selfish, and you feel like home, and I am not ready to let that go_. “No more lies. I’ll tell you the rest of my story, sometime soon, I promise. I’m sorry. A new deal,” he says. “No more lies. Just…” He searches for the right word, and then remembers what Nicky said, so long ago. “Just protection. Just family.”

“Why should I believe you?” Andrew asks. 

“Because I want to make things right,” Nathaniel says. “Because you deserve that.”

Andrew scoffs. “You wouldn’t know right from wrong if it beat you with a wrench. Fine then, rabbit. We’re going to talk soon, you and I.” He starts walking down the stairs. “Better give those knives back.”

Nathaniel breathes out, and the guilt still hangs heavy in his chest, but it’s almost eclipsed by something unfamiliarly warm.

* * *

Nathaniel manages to miss Aaron’s homecoming by about twenty minutes, having gone out for another run. When he gets back to find Aaron in the kitchen with Jean, Aaron looking angry and Jean looking uncomfortable, he mentally braces himself.

“Oh, you,” Aaron says when he enters. It’s neither pleasant, nor welcoming.

“Nice to see you, too,” Nathaniel replies.

Aaron rolls his eyes, and he’s definitely raring for a fight. “Yeah, sure – why are you still here? For that matter, why were you here in the first place?”

Aaron’s words are blunt and inelegant, but they convey his anger well.

“Aaron,” Jean says.

Aaron shrugs him off. “You ever think that maybe, for once, you shouldn’t stick your nose in our business?”

Nathaniel raises an eyebrow, knowing his condescending tone is going to make Aaron a lot angrier. “I’m pretty sure when Andrew went and interrogated us all at Eden’s, we were given explicit permission to ‘stick our nose’ in your business. It’s all you do to us.”

“Well you're the fucking reason we’re in this whole mess. Maybe if you just left us alone, we wouldn’t be.”

"Too bad,” Nathaniel says vindictively. “You know Riko threatened Katelyn, right? You can’t get out of this, and you never could. You’re a coward, Aaron, to hide her and pretend that everything can be normal. Even if we weren’t here, things wouldn’t be any better. You’re a coward to pretend you couldn’t see what he was doing.”

Aaron’s laugh is high-pitched. “I’m not the coward, my brother is. At least I finally did something, instead of just sitting there and taking it.”

Jean flinches, and Nathaniel snarls, “Don’t you dare. Do you not see how this is you? Do you hate Andrew for killing your mother?”

“I don’t know,” Aaron says. “I don’t fucking know. You’re not my therapist!”

“Do you regret killing Drake?” Nathaniel asks again.

Aaron’s face darkens. “I never will.”

“Then you understand why Andrew killed your mother,” Nathaniel says, and finally the words are out, floating around, and Aaron has gone white. “Maybe now that you two understand each other, and your messed-up shitshow of a relationship is on equal footing, you can try to fix it. Maybe Andrew can even help you protect Katelyn. Because Riko’s still on the warpath, you know. First it was Seth, then it was Nicky’s fingers. Now Andrew. Who’s next, Aaron? It’s you. What’ll it be, you think you’ll find her swinging from a noose in her own bedroom? Or maybe – ”

Jean steps in. “That is _enough_ ,” he snaps.

Aaron punches Nathaniel. It’s a good, solid slug, and Aaron hisses, “Fuck you.”

He slams out of the room.

Jean hands over an icepack. “There is a chance you deserved that, a little.”

Nathaniel scowls. He feels kind of stupid, that he lost his temper like that. Then he gets mad at himself for feeling stupid, and the guilt presses down heavy again. “A little.”

It seems when Andrew’s involved, he’s always stupid.

“Andrew is currently in discussion,” Jean says softly, like he can read Nathaniel’s mind, “about going through rehab much sooner than expected. Aaron wants it to happen now, but Andrew refuses to leave for as long as they would like him to, so it may get pushed back to Christmas break.”

Nathaniel blinks, and then winces as his eye throbs. “Huh.”

“I wasn’t expecting that either,” Jean informs him dryly. “Kevin’s happy, or I guess as happy as he can be, because it means exy shouldn’t be too affected. He checked the calendar already.”

Nathaniel shrugs. “That’s some bright news, at least.”

Jean snorts and pushes the icepack into Nathaniel’s eye socket.

“Bitch,” Nathaniel says, with very little heat. “Nicky’s talking to Erik?”

Jean nods.

They stand there for a few minutes, in their matching, obnoxiously orange, Fox sweatshirts. Nathaniel’s not even wearing his own – he's wearing Kevin’s, and amusingly enough he’s pretty sure Aaron was wearing Nicky’s. He fingers the PSU logo. They’re Foxes. They belong. Andrew will let them stay.

Jean finally says, “I am going to go make sure Aaron’s not slitting his wrists.”

Nathaniel sighs. “I should probably come with you.”

Aaron is not, in fact, slitting his wrists. What he is doing may, retrospectively, be worse.

Nathaniel has never seen either of the twins cry. That it is Aaron, curled on the floor of the bathroom and staring at the door in complete revulsion, is disturbing.

“Aaron?” Nathaniel asks.

Aaron _glares_ , even as tears drip down his face.

Nathaniel isn’t quite sure what to do with crying people, which is why it’s a good thing that Jean is there. Jean sits down, and wraps Aaron in his arms the same way he does to Nathaniel, purple and blonde hair blending next to each other as Aaron clings to Jean.

Nathaniel flutters hesitantly for a minute, then grabs some tissues and sits down next to the two of them. “I’m sorry for what I said,” he finally bites out.

“You’re an asshole,” Aaron says, but it’s hard to take him seriously between the sobs and gasping breaths.

“He knows,” Jean murmurs, in what’s probably supposed to be a comforting manner.

After a few minutes of hiccupping breaths, the tears start to slow. “He was just laughing,” Aaron whispers.

Nathaniel winces.

“I told him he needs to get off the drugs,” Aaron says. “He needs to be off them. They’re not making anything better. I don’t care if it’s legal, I don’t care if it interrupts fucking _exy,_ I don’t care if we lock him in the bathroom,” his voice breaks, “the same way he did to me.”

_Oh._ Nathaniel glances at the door, and the way Aaron can’t take his eyes off of it, and the way the lock has been torn out. He wonders which twin tore it out.

“That’s what he’s talking about Betsy with,” Jean says. “And the lawyer. They’re figuring something out.”

“I don’t even know if he’ll be any kind of brother off of them,” Aaron says bitterly. “But it’s not like it can make things worse.”

Nathaniel definitely thinks things could get worse. Jean’s pointed glare emphasizes that he shouldn’t say that. Instead, Nathaniel warily wraps his arms around Aaron, sandwiching the blonde between him and Jean.

“I hate this sport,” Aaron mumbles. “I hate this sport, and I hate Kevin, and I hate Drake, and I hate Higgins, and I hate Andrew, and I hate you,” he eyes Nathaniel.

“I hate you, too,” Nathaniel says, even though he doesn’t, not really.

Aaron continues. “And I hate this stupid deal. I’m breaking it. I don’t care what Andrew wants. He’ll fight for you, and I’m going to fight for Katelyn, and I don’t care what he thinks because we’re even now, and that fucking deal doesn’t matter anymore. We’re making a new one. Fucking deals. Fuck this whole entire life. Why couldn’t my life be normal.”

Jean, with no clue what Aaron is talking about, just nods as he rambles, while Nathaniel’s brain whirls into trying to figure out what kind of deal Aaron and Andrew made.

Then he frowns. “What do you mean he’ll fight for me?”

“Fucking hell,” Aaron says, and glares. “This is why you’re stupid.”

“What?” Nathaniel repeats, and scowls back. This is what he gets for hugging Aaron. Then he thinks about how much he pressured and cajoled and forced Andrew to come here, and about earlier, about the rage in Andrew’s eyes. “No, I’m pretty sure he hates me.”

Jean and Aaron make eye contact. “See what I have to deal with,” Jean says.

“I hate you,” Aaron repeats miserably. “And I’m not fucking sorry about your eye.”

Nathaniel, who is still intensely confused, absently pokes his sore eye. “It’s fine. You can’t hurt me in a way that matters.”

Aaron tries to slap him, but as he is restrained in a Nathaniel-and-Jean sandwich, it doesn’t really work. “Stop being fucking edgy! Normal people aren’t like that! Why couldn’t you all have been normal!”

Nathaniel hopes Jean isn’t taking this to heart. But he glances at Jean’s face, and they’re having the same reaction – when the insults are coming from a five foot tall, buff blonde kid who’s crying in your lap, it doesn’t give off quite the same level of intimidation.

“I’m sorry,” Nathaniel says, because he’s already spent a lot of time apologizing to one Minyard, so he might as well start on the other.

Aaron is ignoring him, but he also has yet to remove himself from Nathaniel’s arms.

“Things will get better,” Jean says, with surprising optimism. _He really is the best of us_ , Nathaniel thinks. Jean is figuring himself out, and Nathaniel and Kevin are still slamming exy balls against the wall and calling it coping. 

“Yeah,” Nathaniel agrees. “I promise. Things will get better.”

He holds onto Jean and Aaron. _No more lies, Andrew._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> welp idk yall, im too tired for this. if you did enjoy it, leave a comment/kudos !!! i love them so much and will eventually respond to them i promise
> 
> anywho find me on new [tumblr](https://stormwarnings.tumblr.com/) ~~because idk what im doing~~ come chat, idk lmao I made it so I could look at tolkien stuff ~~please help me~~


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the foxes have a few happy moments.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys...sorry for disappearing lmao. i may do it again, but this story will get finished i promise (it's just a matter of when) for now i hope that this can make up for it even tho it's kinda stilted? i REALLY wanted to get at least one chapter of this up :)

Somehow, they manage to make it back to Palmetto. All the orange feels familiar, as obnoxious as it is, and Nathaniel breathes a sigh of relief to be back on campus.

He can’t believe it’s only been two days. It feels like infinitely longer, and when they find the rest of the Foxes silently gathered in the hall, waiting for them, he suddenly realizes that.

For a moment, the two groups just stare at each other. Andrew is as expressionless as normal. Nobody yet knows what the agreement came down to with Betsy and the lawyer, but Nathaniel figures he might be able to ask later. Then he sighs. Probably not.

He didn’t realize how much he’d come to rely on Andrew’s trust.

He’s yanked out of his thoughts as Matt steps forward, and reveals the person who was standing behind him. It’s Katelyn, in a denim skirt and a cropped sweater like she’s just come from class, and she steps forward at the same time as Aaron does. She jumps into his arms, and Aaron doesn’t even glance at Andrew.

The groups merge. Renee walks over to Andrew, while Matt puts Jean and Nicky both in an affectionate headlock, Nicky laughing at least a little even despite his still-red eyes. Allison drapes her arms across Nathaniel’s shoulders, and Dan pulls Kevin away to talk quietly for a minute.

“Hey, pretty boy,” Allison says softly. She ruffles his hair. “You ok? That’s a hell of a shiner you got there.”

“I’m fine,” Nathaniel says.

“Sure,” Allison replies. “So is your name Day now?”

Nathaniel glances down at the oversized sweatshirt he’s still wearing. He thinks it would be nice to be Kevin’s actual brother. “No,” he says. “Did you guys hear…” he trails off.

“Matt’s mom paid Aaron’s bail,” Allison replies, continuing to brush her hand through Nathaniel’s hair.

Nathaniel blinks. “Oh.”

“French boy,” Allison calls, instead of responding. “Come here.”

Jean obliges, and Allison runs her other hand through his hair. “This is much easier with you,” she tells Nathaniel, looking down at him.

Nathaniel sighs.

Jean says, “If you wear heels, you are my height. But then you are just further from Nathaniel.”

Allison laughs a little, and pulls the two of them into a hug. “We missed you little monsters.” Then, “Minyard hasn’t killed Katelyn yet.”

Nathaniel squints over to where Andrew is still talking to Renee. “No,” he agrees.

“Don’t look at me,” Jean tells her. “I just work here.”

Allison scoffs. “You’re Minyard B’s best friend.”

Nathaniel snickers. “Better not let you hear him calling him ‘Minyard B’.”

“Why did we come back?” Jean asks.

Nathaniel hopes it’s a rhetorical question. “At least we did come back,” he says.

Allison glances back towards Andrew. “Yeah.” She responds in an undertone. “Was he supposed to?”

Jean and Nathaniel blink at her. “What?”

“When Abby left, she said something about Andrew going to rehab.”

Nathaniel and Jean exchange confused looks, and Nathaniel feels that pang of something sad in his chest again. They both shrug.

“Damn,” Allison says. “I owe Renee.”

Aaron and Katelyn disappear for a while, and Matt drags the other backliners into the girls’ room for a movie. Kevin protests when he finds out that they won’t be having practice that night, but Nathaniel slips away before he can catch him, looking for Andrew. 

He doesn’t know where Andrew went, so he checks the cousins’ room first. Unsuccessful there, he hesitates in the hallway, unsure. But then he sees the door at the end of the hallway, propped open just the slightest. He takes the stairs two at a time to the top, but still doesn’t find Andrew. Then, emergency access to the roof. Of course. Nathaniel pushes the door open and slips out.

There’s Andrew, outlined against the dying light of the sun. He’s only wearing a black tee shirt and his armbands, and the pale blonde of his hair, paler than his skin, glows golden in the sun. Smoke trails thinly from his cigarette, and he kicks his feet against the edge of the roof like a child on a swing. Nathaniel is struck once more by this boy, who has salvation smoldering in his chest and damnation burning in his mouth.

“What do you want,” Andrew asks, sounding bored.

Nathaniel picks his way over to Andrew. “You said you wanted a truth.” The truth, he amends in his mind. It makes him nervous, but he pushes it down. _Junior_ , Drake had said. His worlds are crashing, planets colliding, and gravity is shifting under his feet. And he just has to deal with it, like always.

“Interesting.” Andrew barely spares him a look. “The rabbit isn’t running. For once.”

Nathaniel takes a seat next to him. He says, “My father was Nathan Wesninski, the Butcher of Baltimore. The name implies exactly what you would think, and I have the scars to prove it.”

And it’s…it’s almost freeing, to say it to Andrew, who neither cares nor fears his father. Kevin and Jean would mention the man in hushed tones, afraid of how he would react, but Andrew merely raises a pale eyebrow and gestures for him to continue.

“When I was ten, I went to Castle Evermore and had a…I guess you’d call it an informal tryout. I had enough potential, and I was to be given as payment to the Moriyamas. Same as Jean.”

The next part is hard.

“I don’t remember what exactly happened. My mother, she tried to run away with me. It almost worked – she had money, and someone was preparing an escape. But they betrayed her, and – ” _and she died, and it was my fault,_ “and my father cut her into pieces, and I went to the Ravens the next day.”

After a minute, Andrew just says, “Well isn’t your life a tragedy.”

Nathaniel isn’t sure what he was expecting. “No more than yours. Are you going to try and fix the scraps of your family, or are you just going to leave them behind like you did Cass?”

“You have no say in my family,” Andrew says smoothly. “You’re not part of it, are you.”

Nathaniel turns himself so he’s sitting sideways cross-legged. He looks at the side of Andrew’s head, his stare across the campus, the impassive profile. “That’s why I’m up here, isn’t it? Aaron’s not going to keep his deal with you, not for much longer. And you’ve broken ours. So what’s left?”

Andrew turns his head. He’s tapping the fingers of one hand against the side of the building, frenetic, not unlike Nicky’s anxious energy. “You have a lot of nerve. It amazes me that you’ve lived this long.”

_You and me,_ Nathaniel thinks. Instead he dares to say, “So?”

Andrew flicks his cigarette at Nathaniel’s face. “Fine,” he says. “A new deal.” He smiles, and there’s something off about it. “Insufferable. Thank god I don’t have to be on the court with you.”

Nathaniel freezes, and blinks. “What?”

Andrew laughs. “Oh, haven’t you heard? The agreement means I’m getting some new happy pills. Bee thinks they’ll help before rehab over Christmas break, pull me off slowly. I think they just don’t know what to do with me. But alas! For the time being, they don’t want me playing with the experimental drugs, not until they figure out how I’ll react. Oh, how Kevin will _whine._ ”

Nathaniel furrows his eyebrows. The laughter and the smile aren’t quite right, and his fingers are still tapping. “Are you scared?”

Andrew scoffs. “They can’t do any worse to me than they already have.”

Nathaniel squints at him. “Then what’s scaring you?”

Andrew doesn’t respond, but his eyes twitch towards the ground and his fingers tap faster.

“You’re scared of _heights_?” Nathaniel asks.

Andrew, now on another cigarette, disapprovingly blows smoke in Nathaniel’s face. “I have told you this.”

“I don’t think you have,” Nathaniel says, and almost wants to laugh at Andrew, but thinks he’s still on too-thin ice. “Why are we sitting here, then?”

Andrew asks, “Why do you insist on playing exy, even though you know it will kill you?”

He stands up and leaves Nathaniel there, sitting on the roof, thinking about the answer to that question.

_Because it lets us feel something._

* * *

True to his word, when they play the JD Tornadoes, Andrew is not in goal.

Dan and Allison huddle around Renee in the locker rooms, suited up in her gear. They grab her, arms wrapped around each other, and pull back her newly-dyed turquoise and lavender hair. They strap her helmet on.

Andrew leans in the corner, blank-faced, dressed in all black save for his oversized orange PSU sweatshirt. But when they line up, he joins Renee. His voice is quiet and chilling like winter. “They have one good striker. He’s only good because he fakes his shots. Expect the opposite of where he looks like he’s going, and all the rest won’t even be worth caring about.”

Renee smiles, and her expression slips into something still. “Thank you, Andrew.”

Andrew nods once, and then catches Nathaniel looking. “Fuck off, rabbit.”

Nathaniel doesn’t care. Whatever meds Andrew is on, and he doesn’t know what they are –

Nicky had made the mistake of asking, and Andrew’s mocking response had obviously unnerved him – Andrew has been blank and cold lately, more akin to the character he plays at Eden’s, semi-sober and crazy in a different way. But here, and now, he’s caring about something.

Nathaniel grins at Andrew, and Andrew shoots him a disgusted look. It doesn’t deter Nathaniel, especially as Wymack directs them to move out.

Andrew walks at the back of the line with Nicky, and neither get checked in by the head referee. The Foxes warm up, and the Vixens cheer, and somehow Katelyn manages to get Nicky to dance with her for a few minutes. One of the others approaches Andrew, but quickly changes her mind. It makes Nathaniel laugh.

Jean, noticing, snorts and mutters something in very fast French.

“ _What_?” Nathaniel asks.

Jean ignores him.

The game is shaky, yes. Nathaniel is thrown off without Andrew in goal, even though he’s played with Renee many times. Her style is much more defensive than his, and she doesn’t have the tendency to hurl the ball down court in the way that Andrew does. But even minus Nicky and Andrew, they play a solid game. Aaron plays like a man possessed, enough that Wymack subs Jean for Matt and lets Aaron run himself ragged.

In the end, Renee lets in only four goals. Compared to the thirteen the Foxes score, it’s a resounding victory, one that Wymack can be proud of no matter their slight unsteadiness.

When Nicky runs on the court afterwards with Dan and Matt, Andrew doesn’t follow. But Andrew also doesn’t do more than curl his lip at Katelyn leaping into Aaron’s arms, and Nathaniel thinks that this is progress.

* * *

The weeks leading up to the winter banquet and Christmas break are, to put it frankly, some of the strangest that Nathaniel has had to date, which is saying a lot.

Night practices are wildly hit-or-miss, which infuriates Kevin more than anything. Nathaniel doesn’t want to push on his currently-strenuous relationship with Andrew, but watching the blonde stand in the goal without any gear except his stick and his helmet and then proceed to let goals slip past with barely more than a glance, is admittedly slightly frustrating.

The night that Kevin finally throws down his stick and tries to leave the court, Andrew rockets a ball straight past his face.

Andrew isn’t the same as he was on the other meds. He’s quieter, now. He still taunts, and mocks, but his words are cutting, and they don’t babble. Some nights Nathaniel finds him on the roof, sitting and smoking, his fingers tapping against the side. Some days he throws things at Nathaniel and says, “Think fast,” with that dark smile. Different parts of his personality show through even when he tries to be indifferent.

Andrew doesn’t trust Nathaniel, but he still seems to care when he doesn’t eat. Andrew doesn’t like Aaron, but he lets Katelyn join them for team dinners once a week. Andrew doesn’t like exy, but for some reason he still takes Kevin and Nathaniel to night practices.

It puts something tight in Nathaniel’s chest. It’s too much to hope that he can be saved. He is going to die, and he’s going to bring Riko down. But watching Andrew begin a tentative, miniscule step towards healing (healing from something that’s Nathaniel’s fault, his brain keeps reminding him) makes him wish that he could too. It makes him put food in his mouth, and speak carefully, and remind himself that Andrew knows who he is, and Andrew doesn't care.

He wants to earn Andrew’s trust back, before he has to go. He wants to earn this family.

The monsters spend Thanksgiving break with Wymack and Abby and Bee, eating lots of food and watching the parade. Andrew and Nicky disappear mid-afternoon, which is around the same time Katelyn conveniently shows up. Abby coos over Katelyn’s dress while Aaron tries very hard not to smile like a fool, and Kevin steals a bottle of wine and laments to his father about Andrew’s lack of any concern for his own well-being at night practices. Nathaniel and Jean, bored, call Thea.

Well. It’s mostly Nathaniel who’s bored. But still.

“Your boyfriend has a new boyfriend,” Nathaniel says when Thea picks up, and Jean winces.

Thea sighs over the line.

“Happy Thanksgiving,” Jean tells her, and then slips into his press-voice. “Should you need another boyfriend, Thea love, I am always available.”

“You don’t need more people mooning over you, Moreau. I’ll leave that to the idiot in California. Is there any particular reason you two are calling me today?”

Nathaniel is happy to chat with her about her last game, and she gives Jean a couple new backliner drills to work with, and then before she has to go, she says quietly, “Tell Kevin to call, will you?”

Nathaniel and Jean both glance towards Kevin. “Yeah,” Jean says.

“Promise,” Nathaniel adds, and then ends the call.

“You think they’ll be ok?” Jean asks. He looks like a completely different person than he did this time last year – purple faded hair, a fuzzy pale blue sweater, an expression born of hesitance and love rather than constant pain.

“I think so,” Nathaniel says. “It’ll just take time.” _Just like everything else_ , he mentally adds.

Nicky and Andrew find their way back home an hour before dinner. Nicky comes through the door grinning like a cat that got the canary, and Andrew follows him, carefully blank.

“Where have you two been?” Abby calls from the kitchen.

Nathaniel wonders if it’s too much to hope that they’d been bonding.

Then he notices the ring that sparkles in the light, through Nicky’s nose. “You got a _piercing_?” Kevin asks, and Nathaniel’s not quite sure if it’s outrage or some odd form of envy.

Nicky grins. “I’m not the only one,” he says.

Which is when Nathaniel notices the evenly spaced studs on either side of Andrew’s bottom lip.

“Could you get any more edgy?” Aaron asks rhetorically, disdain dripping from his words.

“You can’t play exy with those,” Kevin says at the same time, walking over to look.

“Guess I won’t play exy then,” Andrew deadpans. He smirks at Aaron, which leaves Nathaniel’s mouth rather dry. The piercings aren’t that odd. But Andrew’s just standing there, his hair glowing golden in the light, his sweatshirt sleeves rolled up to reveal the armbands that Nathaniel _knows_ hide knives, and to top it all off, the already-dangerous smile pulls the piercings into a place that makes them look like the fangs of a snake. Andrew’s dangerous. He looks dangerous. Nathaniel likes it.

He must be staring, because Jean snickers. “You alright there, Nathaniel?” This gets him an elbow to the stomach from Nathaniel and a groan from Aaron.

“They’re very nice,” Bee says placidly to both Nicky and Andrew. “Would you set the table, Nicky?”

“Sure thing!” Nicky exclaims, and just about skips towards the kitchen, looking effervescently happy.

Andrew, who has by this point noticed Nathaniel’s gaze, raises an eyebrow. Nathaniel glances down at his lap and then, for some reason, towards Aaron, who has his face buried in Katelyn’s shoulder.

“There, there,” Katelyn says, and winks at Nathaniel. She drops a kiss to Aaron’s head and tells him that she has to go, and offers Nathaniel yet another weird smile on her way out.

Nathaniel is vastly confused by all of this, and remains that way up until he’s swept into the pre-dinner preparation. Yet again, he’s struck by the contrast between this year and last year. Last year had been applying makeup over Jean’s bruises, watching Kevin drink himself to sleep, running away from his problems and away from all the food that had been at the Moriyama ‘family dinner’. This year it’s warmth and good food and a conversation that doesn’t feel stilted. It’s the hesitantly hopeful way that Nicky addresses Andrew and Aaron at the same time, and how Kevin seems less unsteady now in how he talks to Wymack.

It’s the ragged and broken edges, yes, but it’s also how the light shines through.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank yall for reading <33


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which there is much angsting, much bonding, and another disaster of a banquet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> look its me appearing out of the shadows to give you another chapter and then run away
> 
> ok but although this is a bit rusty, im very excited to write the next few chapters (basically the reason i started this whole fic) so those should be up sooner than this one was? hopefully? i gotta update my other wips tho...basically my life is a mess lmao but anyway! enjoy !!!

Nathaniel’s not as much of an idiot as people seem to think he is.

“Yes you are,” Jean says aloud, in response to an unasked question.

They’re on the bus towards Breckenridge, for the winter banquet. Kevin is in between them, with a PSU travel mug that contains a half-and-half mixture of coffee and vodka that is, frankly, disgusting. Surprisingly, he’s fallen asleep before he can drink all of it.

Kevin’s been sleeping a lot lately, Nathaniel thinks. He’s been talking to Thea more, too.

“What’s Nathaniel?” A bright and happy Katelyn asks, from across the row.

She and Jean are friends now, of a sort, all pastel colors and soft smiles. Nathaniel thinks it’s possibly the best thing that could have happened – it puts Katelyn under Jean’s (only sometimes questionable) protection, his own silent brick wall strength that dares Andrew to say anything – and it drives Aaron crazy.

Andrew is sitting in the seat behind them, on his own, staring out the window. He’s been doing that a lot lately.

Nathaniel’s been staring at Andrew more, too.

Which brings them back to a fact – Nathaniel’s not as much of an idiot as people seem to think he is.

“Nathaniel is a bit stupid, sometimes,” Jean says to Katelyn in his fancy French accent. (When people think Jean is the weak one of their starry trio, Nathaniel wants to point out the accent. Riko beat him bloody for that, too many times.)

Katelyn giggles, which puts a disgustingly sappy expression on Aaron’s face.

“Nathaniel is a junkie,” Andrew corrects them. It’s the first time he’s spoken in six hours.

Nathaniel says, “You’re all horrible.”

There’s a snort from the row in front of them, which houses Matt and Dan. “He’s not wrong,” Matt says.

“Traitor,” Nathaniel mutters.

“You practice more than Kevin,” Matt tells him over the seat. “Which I didn’t think was possible.”

There’s a derogatory snort from Andrew’s seat.

Somehow, at some point or another, there’s stopped being a gap between their team, when they sit on the bus. Because Kevin wants to talk to Dan, usually, and with Katelyn here she likes having the opportunity to chat with Allison, and Jean and Nicky don’t mind laughing with Matt, and oftentimes Nathaniel ends up sitting with Andrew, which preoccupies the two of them in a conversation for long enough that Andrew doesn’t bother to get mad at everyone else.

Which means that here, finally, there’s comradery. Too bad, Nathaniel thinks, that the Andrew coming back after winter break may not be the one they’ve gotten used to.

He tunes them out, thirty minutes to Breckenridge, when he can feel the rage building in his chest. Nathaniel doesn’t want to be his father, and yet he sits in this seat among this family he’s made and all he can feel is anger. He has to look at Riko’s face tonight. Look at Riko, and remember Drake, and remember that because of Riko, Aaron has blood on his hands. Because of Riko, Andrew has to leave them.

Nathaniel’s hands tighten around Jean and Kevin. Jean shoots him a look, but Nathaniel shakes his head at him.

When Wymack stomps his way towards their end of the bus, it’s to jab at their tangled trio. “You three going to be ok?” But his eyes are really only on Kevin.

“Yeah,” Jean says, though it sounds more like a question.

Wymack glares at them. “No starting trouble, _right_?” But his eyes are really only on Nathaniel.

Nathaniel grins with all the anger that's sitting in his small frame.

Wymack pokes a finger at him. “Don’t give me that bastard smile, just _behave_.”

“Nathaniel doesn’t know how to behave, Coach,” Andrew says. “You see, he was too busy learning how to injure himself to have time for learning manners.”

Wymack looks, for what must be the hundredth time since last spring, like he is physically restraining himself from opening the window and screaming. Jean looks like he might join him.

When they arrive, they realize they’re most likely one of the last teams to arrive. There’s a flurry of commotion, to get dressed in their nice clothes. Nathaniel doesn’t talk to Andrew again until after they’ve all changed, as they walk towards the Breckenridge court. It’s dark and cold, and Jean and Aaron are walking with Kevin, and Aaron and Katelyn are holding hands unashamedly. Jean glances back at Nathaniel, blinking at him and asking, _ok_? Nathaniel nods, and he marvels at Jean’s ability to survive, once more. Jean, the strongest of them all.

Andrew, though, drops back to talk to Nathaniel.

Nathaniel glances at him, all sharp edges and dangerous eyes and those damn piercings.

“Stay quiet, would you,” Andrew says. “Make this easier for me, though I know that may not be in your vocabulary.”

“You know I can protect them,” Nathaniel replies, which is a different conversation than the one Andrew was having, but relevant still.

Andrew laughs. It scrapes out of his throat, sounding even more wrong than the drugged giggling. “I know you can,” Andrew says. “I know you’d kill for them.”

“Then let me,” Nathaniel tells him. “While you’re gone. Let me keep them safe. I’ve been doing it for years, and I’ll do it for one more. Let me protect them, Andrew.”

“I know you can protect them,” Andrew repeats. “I don’t trust you to protect yourself.”

Nathaniel opens his mouth and then closes it. Because that’s the only truth left, isn’t it? He’s going to die. Nothing Riko can do to him is worse than what has already been done, so many scars and so many broken glass edges. He doesn’t even know how to love other than like split knuckles and a car crash. Bruises all everywhere and blood on the floor.

“Are you going to live?” Andrew asks. “Or are you going to lie? Pick, rabbit. Then we’ll talk.”

Andrew leaves him standing there in the dark, something heavy in his ribcage, and when Nathaniel rushes to catch up, the Foxes are already entering into the court.

They haven’t been seated with the Ravens, this year, because some poor sap finally came to the conclusion that was a bad idea. There’s a big Christmas tree, out in the middle of the floor, and it looks so fake that Nathaniel almost remembers one in the house in Baltimore, when he was little. Fake and filled with joy, so everyone could pretend theirs was a season for comradery and not a season celebrating doom.

They’re seated with the Hornets. It’s a calmer meal than their last banquet, but that’s not really any kind of comparison. The Hornets are, despite their most recent loss to the Foxes, fairly good-natured. Their goalie is rather bitter, sort of, but that’s only because Andrew’s stats are better than his and Andrew hasn’t even played in almost a month.

Nathaniel stares at all the food. He glances up, and finds Allison looking at him. He looks back down – it’s strange, all the rolling feelings in his stomach, hunger, and anger, and revulsion. But it’s better than it used to be, he thinks, and somehow his plate fills with food anyway. He doesn’t realize it’s happening until Katelyn drops a biscuit down with a smile and a wink, and Nathaniel doesn’t hate her for it.

When Tetsuji Moriyama stands up to announce the rankings for the season, there’s a collective intake of anticipation, despite the fact that everyone knows what the points were. There’s a large amount of disgust in Tetsuji’s voice, and it almost makes Nathaniel want to cackle, but he’s not that much of an idiot.

“The season rankings for the teams that have qualified to represent the southeastern district in the spring championship games are as follows,” Tetsuji intones. “Edgar Allan, Palmetto State, Breckenridge, and Belmonte.”

“How the hell did you do that?” One of the Hornets asks with some kind of awe, directed at Nathaniel, Jean, and Kevin.

“It was a team effort,” Nathaniel says dryly. “Hence why this is a team-sport.”

The goalie snorts. “You three can’t hold up this sorry excuse for a ‘team’ forever.”

“Thank god they don’t need our help then,” Jean says.

“They will if you get to the Ravens,” the bitchy goalie tells him, which is a sharp enough jab that Jean quiets.

“I’m sorry,” Allison says, examining her nails. “It seems there’s an asshole here.” She raises a pointed eyebrow at the captain.

“Besides,” Kevin tells the goalie in his holier-than-thou voice, the one that reminds everyone he’s the highly-acclaimed ‘son of exy’, the one that sometimes makes Nathaniel want to punch him. “They didn’t need our help in the first place. Three players makes a difference, sure, but the Foxes’ win-loss ratio for this season compared to even two seasons ago is a frankly ridiculous amount of improvement, and that simply can’t be done just by us. So – ”

Jean jabs Kevin in the stomach before he can make the goalie look any more mortified.

The Hornets captain clears his throat. “So you guys are playing on the evens, yes?”

“Yes,” Dan confirms.

“Thank God,” Nicky adds, with an only slightly nervous laugh.

“We’ll make it,” Dan says, with more confidence and bravado than most of them probably feel. “We’ve made it this far, so who's going to stop us now?”

For the rest of dinner, the two teams try to make polite conversation, but as soon as the meal is over, they quickly separate. Nicky melts into the crowd with his date, wild and happy and smiling because they’re going to championships. Allison tugs Renee to follow them. Matt and Dan head that way too, but Dan shoots a quick glance towards Kevin, and the pair of them stay close to the edge of the crowd. Aaron exchanges some kind of wordless agreement with Andrew, and tugs Katelyn out to dance.

Jean and Kevin both look down at Nathaniel. They haven’t caught a glimpse of Riko yet, but Nathaniel knows they will soon. He also knows, however, that Riko only really needs to talk to him. Nathaniel nudges his two stupid giants. “Go dance. I’ll watch out, ok?”

Jean and Kevin exchange a look, and Jean’s gaze flickers quick to Andrew, quiet and stone-still at Nathaniel’s side.

“Sure,” Jean says. Kevin nods, and he reaches up to rub his tattoo, and then the two of them are wandering out into the crowd like semi-lost puppies.

Andrew doesn’t say anything for a few minutes after the other two leave. He’s scanning the room, watching as Nicky and Aaron and their respective dates flit in and out of sight. It’s exactly like what Nathaniel does, in many ways.

But Andrew is a lion, unafraid and golden, and Nathaniel, in the end, is most likely just going to be dead.

“Stop thinking so loudly,” Andrew says. “It’s obnoxious.”

“You like when I think,” Nathaniel replies, which is only sort of a gamble.

“I like when you’re not stupid,” Andrew corrects, which isn’t what Nathaniel was expecting.

Unfortunately, whatever Nathaniel was about to ask gets cut off by him catching sight of something across the dance floor. “Andrew,” he says lowly.

Next to him, Andrew shifts his weight.

“Don’t look, but I think your brother’s girlfriend is about to bitch-slap the Ravens defensive dealer.”

Andrew hisses out a curse, and then he’s moving smoothly across the floor, cutting a path easily towards Aaron and Katelyn as people jump out of his way.

“Nathaniel, Nathaniel,” and there’s that voice, cold and mockingly playful.

“Riko,” Nathaniel says evenly.

“The little cheerleader is cute,” Riko tells him. “Thomas seems to agree. Too bad she’s a slut.”

Nathaniel digs his nails into his palms. “What do you want, Riko?”

Riko puts an arm around his shoulder, like they like each other, like they’re _brothers_. Nathaniel thinks about breaking Riko’s wrist the same way he broke Kevin’s a year ago. “You’ve flown too far from the nest,” Riko says in his ear. “It's time to come home for winter break.”

Riko’s hand squeezes into the fat around Nathaniel’s shoulder, and he shrugs it off, trying to contain a flinch. “Fuck you.”

Riko puts a finger to his lips, comically, like he’s thinking. “I mean, _I’m_ not gay, but I _have_ heard that lately you like it up the ass.”

Nathaniel holds himself completely still. “I don’t swing, Riko.”

“I don’t really care whether or not you do.” Riko gives him a smile, and the rage is back, because Nathaniel knows _exactly_ what Riko is alluding to, and Riko does too. “Wasn’t it funny? Come on, Nathaniel, you know it was. You’re just as sadistic as I am, little Butcher’s boy. What was his name…Drake? He so desperately wanted to see your lovely little goalkeeper. I just had to reunite them.”

Nathaniel wants to say, _I watched my father flay a man’s skin from his bones. I am not the Butcher’s boy, but for these people I could be. I am not him, but you cannot lie to me. I scare you._

He doesn’t say anything.

“So here’s the thing, Nathaniel. You come home, or we lay the pretty cheerleader out naked and screaming. You come home, or we slit Jean’s throat and turn his blood purple. You come home, or your _boyfriend_ over there might find that the doctors at his new facility aren’t so nice after all.”

Nathaniel almost trembles with the effort of keeping all the rage in. Seth. Nicky. Now Andrew. And it was Nathaniel’s fault last time, and all Andrew’s ever done is stand strong with them and face what Riko throws at him, and it’s all been because of Nathaniel and Nathaniel’s deal.

He can’t let it be his fault that Andrew’s hurt again.

Riko laughs, and slides a stub of paper into Nathaniel’s hand. “Just a little brotherly bonding, Nathaniel. You know. Some time back in the red and black.”

“You’re not the king,” Nathaniel tells him, voice cold and sharp and as much like his father as he has ever been, and he’s not even sure if he cares, not if it means protecting the people he loves. “You’re not the king, Riko, not anymore, and I’m going to tear your castle down.”

Riko’s expression would look blank to the average person. But Nathaniel’s known Riko for almost a decade. Nathaniel knows that this struck a nerve.

“Be careful, Nathaniel,” Riko breathes out. “That might cost you something.”

Riko twists away without so much as a whisper, and Nathaniel squeezes the plane ticket in his hand. And then there’s Andrew and Aaron striding towards him like they’re on the warpath, Katelyn in between the two of them, and Andrew’s not actively trying to injure her. Which may, Nathaniel thinks absently, be quite good progress.

Except Riko intercepts the trio before they can reach Nathaniel, and he says something with a gleeful smile. And Aaron, whose stare is blank and whose face is impassive, who everyone forgets shares the same bad blood as his twin brother – he rears back and punches Riko in the nose.

The ensuing chaos is such that when Nathaniel finally gets to the twins and Katelyn, the rest of the Foxes have gathered as well.

“The hell is this, David?” Someone is asking dangerously. Tetsuji is there too, carefully extricating Riko.

“ _This_ looks a lot to me like my kid wasn’t the one who started it,” Wymack says, his voice tight with anger. “I’ll take my team over there, but I’d sure appreciate it if Coach Moriyama separated his players as well.”

There’s another quick exchange of conversation, but Nathaniel is distracted, as Tetsuji catches his eye. “ _You call him the Master,_ ” Riko hisses in his head. Tetsuji inclines his head, and nods towards the plane ticket clutched in Nathaniel’s hand. And then the Ravens are gone, and Wymack is herding the Foxes towards a bench against the far wall, and Nathaniel really registers that he has no choice in this matter.

“It wasn’t me,” Nathaniel says to Dan. He doesn’t look at Kevin or Jean. He doesn’t look at Andrew or Aaron. He’s not sure if he can.

Dan sighs, and meanwhile Matt tells Aaron, “Good punch.”

Nicky is exclaiming, “You punched _Riko_?”

Allison is pulling Katelyn into a hug with Renee. “You ok?” Renee asks her softly, and Katelyn nods, tears glimmering in her eyes and strength tensing in her jaw.

Something passes between Andrew and Aaron, and Andrew stands closer to his brother. The rest of the team pulls tight, not even caring as the other athletes on the floor give them a wide berth. The Foxes are used to being outcasts.

“What the fuck?” Wymack asks, then holds up a hand when Nathaniel opens his mouth. “Come on, maggots. I shouldn’t have to tell you this. They,” he emphasizes this with a jab towards the floor, “barely want us in the championships as is. If they decide _any_ of you shouldn’t be allowed to play, for _any_ reason, we’re out. So you guys need to cool it.” He pauses, and rubs his face tiredly, and keeps glancing towards Kevin with a worried expression. “I know, Riko’s a son of a bitch.”

They’re all nodding, save Jean, who keeps glancing over at Nathaniel. Nathaniel doesn’t want to look back. There’s only one ticket, and it’s for Nathaniel. Nathaniel knows this, and he also knows that he has no opinion in whether or not he goes. But he doesn’t know how he’s going to tell Jean or Kevin. He doesn’t know how to make them understand that this is the only choice he has.

“Let’s leave,” Dan finally says.

So they do. The Foxes climb back on the bus, and stumble back into their seats. Nathaniel is squeezed in between Jean and Kevin, and he quickly shoves the ticket into his pocket.

“ _What did he say to you_?” Kevin asks in French, quieter than a whisper.

The lights are off as the bus starts moving. There’s murmuring from the seats in front of him as everybody resigns themselves to a long drive through the night, and across the row Katelyn is curled up in Aaron’s arms, almost asleep already.

“ _Nothing_ ,” Nathaniel finally says.

Jean gives him a look. “ _Really_ ,” he says, because he rarely believes Nathaniel’s badly covered bullshit.

Nathaniel takes his cue from Katelyn, and curls into the two of them, seeking out the familiar touch. Kevin’s left hand is shaking, and Jean, for all his calm tone, looks sad and anxious.

“ _Remember the last winter banquet_?” He asks instead.

Kevin lays his head on top of Nathaniel’s. Neither he nor Jean reply, but Nathaniel knows what they’re all thinking about – Kevin’s broken wrist, now healed enough for him to be playing equal to or better than before. Jean’s bruised face and haunted eyes, and the strength that now resides in his straight back and his lavender hair. And Nathaniel. A year ago he was running away from the Nest, from Riko, from what his father made him become. From what he was doing to himself.

And now he’s running straight back towards it.

* * *

They don’t really sleep, considering everyone’s nervous energy and the late hour they arrive back at Palmetto. So when Betsy comes to pick Andrew up the next morning, bright and early, the whole team is still awake. The upperclassmen are in the girls’ room and Katelyn and Nicky’s date have gone home, but the (aptly named, Nathaniel is unfortunately beginning to think) monsters are all present.

Nicky looks like he’s going to cry, standing in front of Andrew, with their matching piercings. Andrew’s gaze is as blank as it usually is, listening to Nicky ramble and Kevin lecture him about staying fit for the whole two weeks he’ll be gone. Nathaniel knows that’s just Kevin’s way of caring, but he doesn’t think Andrew really bothers to notice. Jean and Aaron stand together, and the twins exchange only one glance before Andrew turns to Nathaniel.

Nathaniel’s world more or less narrows down to Andrew’s face. Andrew holds out the keys to the Maserati, and then his armbands, with their knives. He doesn’t say anything as Nathaniel takes them, his eyes bleary from the lack of sleep.

“Andrew,” Nathaniel finds himself saying, as Andrew turns away.

Andrew glances back at him, an eyebrow raised.

“I’ll live,” Nathaniel tells him.

Andrew looks him over, and nods. And then he’s gone.

The team starts packing their bags, since they have to clear out of the dorms within the next day or two. Matt quietly talks to the remaining monsters about staying with him in New York City over winter break, and Nathaniel nods and listens to Nicky’s excitement, and carefully avoids making eye contact with Jean and Kevin.

“Was Thea coming up for Christmas?” Matt asks Kevin curiously.

Kevin rubs his tattoo. “There’s a weekend in January, we think. That she’ll be able to come. And for a few of the games, of course.”

Matt nods genially. “Think you could let me know when she’s going to show up?”

Kevin narrows his eyes. “This is for a bet, isn’t it.”

Matt ducks his head guiltily, then laughs when he realizes that there’s a smirk kicking around the corners of Kevin’s mouth.

“As long as we can go to an Exites while we’re in New York,” Kevin says.

“Sure.” Matt shrugs. “Why not?”

And then Kevin manages to shoot Nathaniel a look, something quietly disappointed, and Nathaniel drops his eyes back down. He’s doing the right thing. Kevin and Jean don’t even know that he’s going back to the Nest, not yet. He contemplates not telling them at all, but thinks that might do more damage than if he did. He’ll just need to convince them of how absolutely necessary this is – because he’s doing the right thing. He knows he is.

That doesn’t make it ache any less, though.

Nathaniel’s flight boards late at night, so he packs his things quietly and waits for Matt to fall asleep.

It’s December, which means it’s dark, which means the cold has settled into Nathaniel’s bones like it belongs there. He finds Jean waiting for him in the kitchen. He’s pale, and the single light illuminates the hollows of his eyes and washes him out, like a corpse. Nathaniel shakes his head. Not another person he loves. Not dead.

 _In another life,_ Nathaniel wants to say, _maybe we would have been happy._

Jean looks him in the eyes. “I can’t come with you,” he says, because he’s brighter than most give him credit for.

“I know,” Nathaniel says. “I will not ask you to.” Jean’s a survivor. Nathaniel may be a fighter, may go down kicking and screaming, may claw Riko into hell with him, but Jean has always been a survivor. He hears Kevin padding into the hallway in his socked feet. Kevin wears socks to bed in the winter, which has always been a subject of scorn from Nathaniel and Jean. “I will not ask either of you to.”

“You’re going back,” Kevin replies quietly, and it’s not even a question. He drifts into the light, next to Jean, more wraith than corpse, and Nathaniel hates it. Hates them. Doesn’t hate them. Loves them, more than anything, so fiercely that it feels like hate because hatred is the only other emotion that rips his chest in two like this.

“Tell them I had a family emergency,” Nathaniel finally says.

“You have no family,” Kevin replies.

And Nathaniel tells him: “That’s not true.”

Kevin looks up. His eyes are scared, and he reaches across the counter towards Nathaniel, hand shaking and scarred. “Don’t sign anything he gives you.”

Nathaniel shakes his head. “I won’t. I’m not that stupid.” Then, “Just protect them.” _While we’re gone_ , he thinks, and it’s funny how this works – this string of little promises. He protects him, and he protects them, and they protect the rest, and at the end of the day, the only person that can really do anything about you is yourself.

Jean exhales. He grabs Nathaniel’s shoulder. He speaks in French, the language that is so tightly wound through Nathaniel’s memories – the bond that was created when they learned it, the safety it provided to speak when only they knew, the pain it brought when Riko didn’t understand.

Jean says, “ _Come home. Come home to us, my brother._ ”

Nathaniel swallows. “ _I will_.”

“ _We are safe._ _We are here._ ” We. Not just him and Kevin and Jean. We, as in the Foxes. This whole team. His family. “ _Come home._ ”

“ _If you don’t, Andrew will hunt you down just to kill you himself,_ ” Kevin whispers.

“ _I will_.” Nathaniel shoulders his bag. “ _I swear to you_.”

He turns to leave. Kevin puts his head down on the counter, and a single tear slips out of Jean’s eye and slides down his cheek. But Nathaniel steels himself, and he walks away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> leave comments/kudos if you feel so inclined :) thanks for reading


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> an interlude.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> before you read this chapter read this note!!! 
> 
> yall, this chapter is graphic. but I want you guys to understand that this is the natural resolution for this arc – jean isn’t there for riko to hurt him, and riko has finally figured out nathaniel’s two fatal flaws – his friends, and his ed. so this chapter is pretty dark and describes some torture that’s way more psychological than in the books, and also BAD ED PRACTICES. if you are going to get triggered YOU CAN SKIM THIS CHAPTER UNTIL YOU START SEEING A LOT OF THE ITALICIZATION
> 
> someday ill write a riko redemption fic, bc i think that riko was a product of the nest in the same way the rest of them were. but in this universe (and also in canon) a redemptions not in his cards. this chapter does not include a kind riko, so take that into consideration too please.
> 
> enjoy :)

Nathaniel barely sleeps on the plane. He knows he needs to, knows Riko will be relentless at the Nest, knows it’s been too long since Nathaniel’s had anything resembling a good night’s rest. But he can’t. He drifts in and out, jerking awake every time the person next to him moves or the plane hits a spot of turbulence. He’s running on his last reserves of energy. When he disembarks the plane, there’s a taxi waiting for him. The drive to Edgar Allan isn’t long, and when they drop Nathaniel off, there’s no one waiting. He punches in the door code for this side of the Nest – Kevin and Riko’s birthdays. It hasn’t changed.

He knows what they’re trying to do. They’re reminding him how completely and totally _alone_ he is.

He walks in. It’s too early, even, to be awake for morning practice. The halls are dark as night, dark like a void, and Nathaniel wishes he didn’t already feel used to the claustrophobia of it. He passes the kitchens, the rec rooms, these places he spent his half his life in. There, the table that Kevin taught him and Jean how to play pool. There, the kitchen where Nathaniel once snuck out to buy Jean his favorite ice cream (and almost got himself killed for it). There, the book shelf where Kevin would stack his favorites, haphazard so nobody could guess.

He finds the junction of Red Hall and Black Hall, and he drifts down Black Hall.

“Nathaniel,” Riko says from his door. He smiles. _Sadistic motherfucker._ “You’ll be staying with me.”

Nathaniel swallows, and then steps into Riko’s room. Kevin’s room.

There, he thinks. The first time Riko marked them. The first time they stopped being children. (Were they ever children, though? Not after they watched a man get carved to pieces. Kevin had nightmares about that for years.

Nathaniel never did.)

Nothing has changed. Kevin’s books are still there, Kevin’s pictures are still there. It’s like he never left. Like Kevin will be walking right in the door in a few minutes, talking about plays. Like Jean will be just down the hall, waiting to scold Nathaniel for talking back. Like Riko’s still the just-too crazy kid, the one they grew up with, before he started breaking people’s limbs.

Nathaniel realizes, just for a minute, that he may have made a mistake.

It’s only his good reflexes that save him from getting a knife to his head. He tries not to flinch, but the knife embedded in the wall is a startling contrast to the quiet fog he’d been existing in. One last bit of adrenaline surges through his veins.

“Look at me,” Riko croons, and then reaches out and gently pulls Nathaniel’s face towards him. “There you go.”

Riko’s smile isn’t like Nathaniel’s father’s. Nathaniel knows why the Wesninski smile scares people – because it’s cold, because it’s dead, because it makes you realize that you are completely and utterly fucked.

Riko’s smile is just delighted. Riko’s smile is just insane.

Riko pushes Nathaniel down onto Kevin’s bed. He looms over him. “The Master will meet with you tomorrow,” he promises. “But for now, we get some alone time.”

Nathaniel puts his bag down on the floor. He hates Riko standing over him like this, but where there is one knife, there is more.

“You have a choice,” Riko says. “And there is only one right answer.” He holds a knife (a kitchen knife, used for _meat_ , Nathaniel thinks bitterly) to the number on Nathaniel’s face.

Nathaniel doesn’t answer.

Riko slashes a line across his other cheekbone, the one without the tattoo. “ _Answer_ _me_ when I speak, Nathaniel.”

Nathaniel spits in his face.

Riko tuts, and drags the knife in a careful line towards Nathaniel’s eye. He goes stock-still, and Riko chuckles. “Your face does look lovely with all this blood.”

Nathaniel wants to wipe the blood away, wants to press a hand to the sting on his face. He hopes Riko doesn’t go deeper. He says, “You’re still expecting Kevin and Jean to come back.”

This time, Riko truly laughs. “I _know_ they’ll come back.”

Nathaniel can’t help it. He laughs too. “You’re a sick son of a bitch, Riko, and if you think they’re _ever_ coming back, you’re more deranged than I – ”

This time, Riko cuts deep, carving a chunk of skin out of Nathaniel’s cheekbone. Nathaniel can’t help it; he flinches away, and Riko holds his arms to his side, like an embrace. Nathaniel tries not to scream. He didn’t think Riko would go for his face. He didn’t think – 

“Hush,” Riko whispers lovingly. “Hush, Nathaniel.”

* * *

Tetsuji visits the next day. Nathaniel, when he wakes up, finds that it’s far past time to go to morning practice. But he’s so fucking tired, and it’s not like Riko woke him up, and also _he’s handcuffed to the goddamn bed_.

Tetsuji hits him, with the cane. Nathaniel remembers that cane. Nathaniel broke that cane, once upon a time, before he learned his manners.

“Nathaniel Wesninski,” Tetsuji says. “You are worthless, to us.” He adds, with a fair amount of disgust in his voice, “We will have to retrain you, in preparation for the upcoming season.”

Nathaniel laughs through the pain. “I’m never fucking playing for you again.”

“You do not have a choice,” Riko says, but Tetsuji holds up a hand, and Riko goes silent like he’s been struck.

“You are not an individual,” Tetsuji says calmly. “You are property. Do you understand that? You are a debt paid. You are nothing.”

“Not to you,” Nathaniel spits out. “That debt was paid to the Lord, not to the _Master_.”

Tetsuji doesn’t even give him a moment to brace himself. The cane swings out and strikes Nathaniel hard across the chest, and Nathaniel feels every bit of himself _hurt_. Tetsuji stands up. He says, “Break him.”

And Riko – Riko grins.

Nathaniel doesn’t get lunch or breakfast. He tries to ignore the hunger pangs in his stomach, tries to ignore the satisfaction they bring, tries to ignore everything. Instead, they spend the middle part of the day getting _reacquainted_. Riko draws lines across Nathaniel’s face, across his chest. He whispers and he laughs, he wipes up some of the blood and bandages him carefully, only to tear it off in a fit of rage moments later. Nathaniel thinks Tetsuji comes back in at some point, because the beating starts up again, but he’s barely coherent. He only really wakes when Riko unlocks the handcuffs and shoves him out of bed.

“Get up,” Riko says. “It’s time to learn your place.”

Dragging himself into the Ravens uniform is one of the most painful things he’s ever done. Getting on the court, though, is somehow worse. He can’t run, he finds, and he’s sorely out of practice playing backliner. All the Ravens, all these players Nathaniel knows, all these players he left behind – they know he can’t block them. They know how this court works. He’s weak, and they have to take advantage of it.

_It’s just survival, Nathaniel._

There’s a trembling in his bones, and when he tries to defend Riko, the taller man hits him in all the places it hurts. Blood drips in Nathaniel’s eye. Hunger knots like a sharp ache in his stomach. All the other Ravens have partners. There’s blood on his stick. There’s blood dripping from his mouth. Everywhere he looks, so black it’s red, the walls _dripping_ with it.

He doesn’t pass out, but it’s a close bet.

He takes off his uniform in the bedroom. He collapses on the floor. He thinks, _I didn’t know you could survive a pain like this._ He drags himself back up, and there’s a body waiting for him.

“Nathaniel,” Jean says. “Let’s get you bandaged up.”

It’s not Jean, though, Nathaniel realizes bitterly, when Riko thumbs over the tattoo on Nathaniel’s cheek. Nathaniel doesn’t know what the catch is, there. Riko isn’t gentle. None of them have ever been gentle. There’s nothing gentle about having to hold your own head above the water and wait for someone else to drown.

“Let’s have dinner, yes?” Riko says, and Nathaniel doesn’t have enough energy to argue.

There’s no one else in the kitchen. There’s food laid out. Riko watches Nathaniel eat. Nathaniel hates the food, hates himself, hates these fucking black walls, but he thinks of their faces, and he forces the food down. He needs the energy, he reminds himself, repeating Andrew, repeating Jean. He needs to stay alive.

“You need to shower before you go to sleep,” Riko says, and his voice is the same timbre as Kevin’s, in a way. They’ve always talked the same.

Riko drags Nathaniel into a bathroom, and strips him down to his underwear, and puts him in the shower. Nathaniel’s skin is a rainbow, all old silver scars and deep purple bruises and tight bloody cuts. The water stings. Nathaniel wants to cover himself up, where Riko is watching, but he can barely lift his arms above his head. And besides, there’s a lump in his stomach, like all the food is burning in his belly, and a bad aftertaste in his mouth, and an enormous mirror right there.

Riko sees him looking. Riko smiles. Riko points. Riko says, “Nathaniel, did you really deserve that today?”

Nathaniel doesn’t shake, but he wonders if maybe his bones will tremble apart. Little earthquakes. Maybe he’ll just shatter. (He can’t, he can’t, _he can’t._ )

“No,” Riko answers for him. “How are you going to run when you’re so heavy?”

_No,_ Nathaniel thinks, _you’re lying. You’re lying to me like I’ve been lying to me for seven years_ , but it doesn’t matter, because Riko kicks out the back of his knees, and Nathaniel’s on his knees in front of the toilet, and nothing matters because he doesn’t even have this control anymore.

“You know what to do,” Riko murmurs, in the same tone Kevin does sometimes, like a friend. _A snake in the garden._

Is this control? Nathaniel doesn’t know. He shakes his head, and shakes, and then stops. There’s that knife, to the small of his back.

“You know it’s best, Nathaniel, you really do.”

Nathaniel shakes his head, tries to scramble backwards, into the point of the knife. “You’re sick.”

Riko slashes a knife across his back, and again, and again, and –

Nathaniel sticks his fingers down his throat. Nathaniel’s meal comes back out of his stomach. Nathaniel’s head goes under the water.

_I’m sorry,_ he tells Andrew.

* * *

Nathaniel slips back into the sixteen-hour days with ease. He’s constantly delirious, so time doesn’t really mean much anyway. Maybe he’s a ghost, he thinks. Maybe he’s already dead.

_I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry._

He plays backliner. He runs. He keeps running. It hurts. It hurts like running never has, because there’s simply not enough of _anything_ in his body, not enough energy, not enough fat, not enough calories. Everywhere he collides with another player, something breaks or reopens. His gear is saturated with so much blood that it’s crusted on.

Riko lets him have breakfast. Nathaniel tries to eat it. He knows he needs to. His stomach can’t handle too much food, though, and some days Riko’s words twist around him like smoke, and some days he doesn’t eat breakfast, and he doesn’t eat lunch, and when Riko lets him have dinner it always comes back up.

There’s no choice to it, not anymore. Nathaniel hates it. Hates that his body is failing him. Hates that he knows why. Hates that it’s _his fault_. Hates that he handed this weakness to Riko on a silver platter, and now it’s going to kill him.

_I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry._

“You know I only want what’s best for you,” Riko says, rubbing Nathaniel’s back as he’s bent over the toilet. Nathaniel can’t see out of one eye – it’s swollen shut – but he thinks there might be blood mixed in among the regurgitated chicken, the green pieces of vegetables. There’s tears dripping from Nathaniel’s eyes, and there’s a callus building on the knuckles of his left hand, and –

He told himself Riko would never break him.

“Who’s your king?” Riko asks softly, as Riko holds a knife to his collarbones and Nathaniel dry heaves and Riko rubs his back tenderly.

Nathaniel takes a deep breath. “Not you,” he croaks.

Riko’s hand stills, and then it’s coming back down hard on all the fresh slices through his back.

“Wrong,” Riko says, and now he’s not gentle, now he’s cruel.

Nathaniel laughs, and it’s rattling around in his chest like something’s broken loose. “You’re not king,” he says. “You never were.”

He tries to stand, the next morning, and the world shifts around him, like stars, like static on the radio, like a ringing in his ears. He falls. He hits his head.

Riko watches.

* * *

_His mother’s eyes. He should have had those eyes. He kicks his feet against her bed, and she keeps glancing over her shoulder. She packs a duffel bag. Hands it to him. “You’re not to let go of this, understood?”_

_Nathaniel nods. He’s curious, but he’s not going to ask. That means pain. He can’t help himself, though. “Are we going back to see Kevin and Riko?”_

_Mary shakes her head. “No, honey. You’re not going to see them again.”_

_Nathaniel frowns, but he he’s not going to argue. That means pain._

_“You’ve got to run, ok?” Mary grabs his chin, tightly. There’s something dancing in her eyes. Terror. “You can’t look back, Nathaniel. Do you hear me?”_

_Nathaniel nods._

_“Mary,” his father chuckles, in the voice he usually reserves for people who’ve angered him. “You shouldn’t have done that, my sweet.”_

_There’s a spray of blood. Mary screams, until her voice breaks, until she can’t scream any more. Nathaniel knows he can’t look away. An arm falls to the ground in front of him. He doesn’t look at it._

_"What a good boy,” Nathan says to his son. He caresses Nathaniel’s face, their features so similar. “What a good boy, Junior.”_

_“Hey, rabbit,” Andrew calls._

_Run, rabbit, run. Nathaniel runs now because he didn’t then._

_Andrew reaches over and runs a finger across Nathaniel’s pronounced collarbone, which sticks out of his skin where his shirt has fallen down his shoulder. “This isn’t control.”_

_Forward. What’s that word, Kevin?_

_Excelsior. Onward and upward._

* * *

The Master puts a paper down in front of him. There can’t be that many days left, Nathaniel thinks, but he’s really not sure, not anymore, not when the world is seeping out of his eyes like the blood on the walls.

“You have a chance, Nathaniel,” the Master says. “To right these wrongs.”

Nathaniel looks at the paper. “I’m not signing to your fucking team.”

The Master hits him once. Then he’s gone. Nathaniel thinks he’s lost some time, here. He’s been doing that more lately. Just leaving, once the pain starts. There’s new bruises. He can feel them, overlaid on the cuts.

“That was a mistake,” Riko says softly.

Nathaniel would spit at him, if he had the energy to lift his head.

“That will cost your team,” Riko adds.

That sends a bolt of adrenaline through Nathaniel’s veins. “What,” he snarls out, through his ruined throat. Purging and screaming have torn it to pieces. His stomach is knotted in cramps, so hungry and so nauseous, and it pulls even tighter at the mention of the Foxes.

Riko laughs. “Your father gets out of prison, soon.”

“You – ”

Riko tuts. “Shhh, we paid good money to get him out.”

Nathaniel’s stomach sinks.

“Don’t worry, _Junior_. It’s a nice little agreement. We get him out, he takes care of you, and I get Jean and Kevin back. They’ve been tainted, yes, but in the end, _you_ were always the issue.” He grabs Nathaniel’s head and yanks it back. Nathaniel feels some of his hair come out. “And look at you now,” Riko says. “Do you really think you can do anything about it?”

Nathaniel’s face is gaunt. Even with the lies he used to tell himself, he knows it is. He looks like a skeleton. He looks like he should be dead. He’s supposed to be dead. But he’s still his father’s son. He still doesn’t know how to die without going down swinging.

Nathaniel turns and does spit at Riko, this time.

Riko slams his head forward, into the mirror. The stars are back. “They’re going to die, if you go back,” Riko says. “And it’ll be your fault. Selfish.”

“I’ll kill him,” Nathaniel gasps out. There’s the tang of blood in his mouth; he bit his tongue. “I’ll kill you too.”

Riko slams his head forward one more time, and then Nathaniel is out.

* * *

_“There are reasons not to die,” Andrew says. “Maybe you should start thinking about them.”_

_He shines in the setting sun. His eyes aren’t brown, they are every shade of gold and honey. Of course, of course. An eclipse in his pupils, but they can’t hide the light. He’s so strong. He’s so much more than Nathaniel deserves._

_“I promised you protection,” Andrew says. “I can’t protect you from yourself. Are you going to make a liar of me?”_

_I’m sorry, Kevin. I’m sorry, Jean. I’m sorry I got mad at you, all those years. I’m sorry that I wasn’t good enough to save you. I’m sorry I thought you were spineless, when you were just trying to survive. I’m sorry I thought you were weak, sometimes._

_You’re the strongest people I know._

_“Are we school children, taunting each other?” Jean asks. “Or are we men?”_

_They stand opposite on the court. Nathaniel and Kevin, side-by-side, equals in a way Riko never was. Jean behind them, strong and steadfast and always surviving, and Andrew and Aaron and the rest of the Foxes anchoring the three of them in a way they never knew they needed._

_“You are my knights,” Riko says. The tattoos are fresh on their faces. “Nobody will challenge us.”_

_But Riko’s face isn’t that youthful arrogance. This twisted righteousness. He’s standing on the other side of the court. He’s standing on the other side of the court, and he’s not a kid. None of them are kids._

_“Riko,” Kevin says, so sadly, but they’re not kids. They’re not his, not anymore. He’s the reason Kevin drinks. He’s the reason Jean shakes. He’s the reason Nathaniel is –_

_No. I’ll live. I’ll live I’ll live I’ll live, Andrew, **I’ll live**._

_Andrew?_

_Jean? Kevin?_

_Where are you?_

* * *

“Sir,” someone asks, sounding wildly concerned. “Sir, are you ok?”

Nathaniel’s eyes snap open. He jolts upright, and realizes he fell asleep.

“I’m fine,” he croaks out, waving the person away.

They back away, with something like horror in their eyes, and Nathaniel is used to that but it still stings because there’s pain, because Riko’s made him a monster. _I’ll kill you too, I’ll kill you too, I’ll kill you too_ –

“Where am I?” Nathaniel asks. He clears his throat. It hurts.

“Upstate Regional,” the person says carefully. “Sir, do you need – ”

“I’m fine.” Nathaniel’s voice whips out, and they flinch, and maybe they say something else but Nathaniel doesn’t hear it.

He’s back in South Carolina. He glances at his phone, the first time he’s looked at it in three weeks. _Two weeks._ He’s back in South Carolina.

He rubs his face, then winces at the pain from his bruised face and bruised hands. His hands are not bloody, but the stitches look rushed and haphazard. His face is bandaged, at least, and the rest is covered by trackpants and a sweatshirt. The morning is coming back to him in bits and pieces – being gracelessly shoved from the Nest to find a taxi waiting. Getting in it, and getting out of there, and – he really just let Nathaniel go. _He really thinks we’re all going to die,_ Nathaniel realizes, _he really thinks my father will take care of it all_ , and there’s terror there, and the bare scraps of a plan, but then he tables that for another time. He needs to get out of this airport before someone calls security on him.

He scrabbles for his phone, hissing through his teeth. Everything hurts. Hunger is a constant companion. He’s not sure if he’ll be able to stomach food, not for a while.

When his phone tells him what day it is, he almost doesn’t believe it. His time at the Nest felt like an eternity, and yet he’s _out._ Jean and Kevin won’t even be back from New York yet.

He texts them, _I’m home_ , and then he calls Wymack.

Wymack sounds grumpy when he answers. “The fuck you want?”

“Coach,” Nathaniel starts, the word scraping out of his throat, feeling like rusty razor blades.

“Nathaniel,” Wymack says. “Are you ok?”

Nathaniel glances down. He’s so stupid. The veins on his hands poke out dramatically, like little worms under his bruise-stained skin. That’s not a good thought. “No.”

“Where are you?”

“The airport,” Nathaniel says. He staggers out the doors and sits down on the curb. It’s raining. Of course it is. He’s very cold. He’s not sure he’s ever going to be warm again.

“Nathaniel,” Wymack is saying. He sounds, if possible, worried. “Nathaniel.”

“’M fine, Coach.”

“Don’t give me that bullshit, Wesninski.” He sighs, and Nathaniel doesn’t say anything. “I’ll see you in a few, kid.”

There’s a click, and he hangs up. Nathaniel stares at the phone in his hands. Jean has replied to his text, and Kevin too, and neither of them sound happy. But everything seems very far away, except for the cold and the pain. He turns his face up to the sky, letting the rain soak into him.

“Nathaniel.” Wymack is crouching beside him. Nathaniel looks up towards him. Wymack looks like he’s seen a ghost. “Kid…” He rubs his face. Then he grabs Nathaniel’s arm, and more or less hauls him up. It’s gentle like Riko, but Nathaniel trusts Wymack.

“You really are a dad,” Nathaniel tells him, which wasn’t quite what he was planning to say.

Wymack snorts. “Get in the _car_ , Wesninski.”

They start driving. Nathaniel leans his head against the window, and shivers. He’s never going to be warm again, he thinks. Not ever.

Wymack yanks off the jacket he’s wearing and tosses it to Nathaniel. “You owe me a goddamn explanation. I _thought_ you were in New York, with tweedledum and tweedledee.”

“Yeah,” Nathaniel says.

“You look like a bag of bones that went through a meat grinder, kid,” Wymack says. He rubs his face again. “What the hell?”

Nathaniel doesn’t want to talk. “Ask Kevin,” he replies.

“I did,” Wymack says. “So I’m asking why the _hell_ you decided to go to Edgar Allan for winter break.”

Nathaniel burrows into the jacket, and he doesn’t even care about the bite in Wymack’s voice. “I had to,” he says.

Wymack glances over at him. “You know I trust you, right, Wesninski?” He swears as the car swerves in the rain.

“Yeah.”

“You trust me?”

“…Yeah.”

“You got anything to say to me, then?”

Nathaniel’s so tired. The jacket is so warm, and he’s so cold. “Coach,” he finally says, as they pull into Palmetto, that familiar obnoxious orange.

“Yeah, kid?”

“I think I might need some help,” Nathaniel finally says. “With,” his voice shakes, and he swallows. “With the food stuff.”

They park. Wymack looks over at him, and Nathaniel can see where Kevin has his face. The same surprising kindness in his eyes. “I know,” Wymack says. It’s not gentle like Riko was. It’s gruff, like he _cares_. “I know, kid. That’s what we’re here for.”

Nathaniel leans back, and he closes his eyes. “I’m sorry.”

“No,” Wymack says harshly, and then sighs as Nathaniel stiffens. “No. Look. You can do whatever the fuck it is you need to do with all your mafia bullshit later. Right now…just. Just listen. You’re going to be ok, kid.”

“Ok,” Nathaniel whispers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me? posting twice in two days? impossible

**Author's Note:**

> come find me on [tumblr](https://stormwarnings.tumblr.com/) :)


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